


From Where You Are

by Librarygal30



Category: Dancing with the Stars (US) RPF, Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 04:09:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 58,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3836512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Librarygal30/pseuds/Librarygal30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is my very first fanfic, so please be gentle! I tweaked a prompt from Tumblr, which is below. This is the beginning of a journey that is angsty, and there is no happy ending.</p>
<p>Prompt: While Charlie and Maks  are out of town, Tanith and Meryl get into an accident, putting both of their lives in jeopardy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Accident

“Everything can change in an instant. Everything. And then there is only before and after.” ~ Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

June 5, 2017

Meryl is spending a quiet weekend at home. That is a rare thing these days. With the latest tour of Stars on Ice done, she is looking forward to just being able to be in one place for more than a day, and not having to be on a bus or plane. The laundry, grocery shopping, and other household chores that she needs to do has gotten away from her, and she needs to catch up on them all. After she goes grocery shopping, she decides to do her laundry; she dumps out her suitcase on her bed, and starts to sort everything. She hears muffled music, and realizes that someone is calling her. She finds her phone, and sees that it is Charlie. “Hey Charlie, how are you?” “I’m good Mer, how are you?” “Good. I’m sorting laundry.” “Ahh, yes, you have to tame the laundry monster, don’t you?” “Yep. So, what’s up?” “I have a question.” “Okay.” “Do you have your calendar handy?” “Let me get it; be right back.” She runs to her office, grabs the calendar, and comes back. “Got it.” “Do you have plans for the last week of this month?” “No, I don’t.” “ Good; I have to go out of town that week, and Tanith wants to spend some quality time with you. She had to fly to LA to talk about her broadcasting contract for NBC and Ice Network, but wanted me to ask if you were busy.” “Oh, I’d love to spend time with her, with no schedule to maintain!” “Ok, I’ll let her know that you said yes, and she’ll be in touch with you, so you two can plan. “Ok, thanks Charlie.” “No problem Mer, and thank you as well.” “Talk to you later!” Meryl writes down the trip with Tanith in her calendar, and then texts Maks. ‘ **Hey honey, I just made plans for the last week of June. Hope we weren’t booked for anything!** ’ Her phone buzzes, and she sees Maks’ reply: ‘ **Nope, but what are you doing?’ ‘Hanging with Tanith for a week; Charlie will be out of town, and we need some quality girl time.’ ‘Sounds like you two will have fun** ’. Meryl then starts her laundry, and by the time she is done with it, including folding and putting it away, a couple of hours have passed. She finds her phone, and sees a text from Maks. ‘ **Funny, not an hour after you make plans, I have a business trip planned. I’ll be ending the week in Pittsburgh; why don’t I fly in that night, and then we can spend some time wedding planning?’ ‘Great, sounds like a plan!’ ‘How will I get to your place?’ ‘Check with Charlie if your flights get in close to the same time, you can ride from the airport with him.’ ‘Deal! I can’t wait to see you princess!’ ‘Neither can I.’**

Soon, the girls’ plans develop: they will spend the week at a bed and breakfast in Union Pier, which is almost 3 hours away from home. They will enjoy some spa treatments, shopping, wine tasting, and lots of talking. Since Meryl has been so busy, she decides not to do the summer semester, but add one more class to her fall workload; she really needs a break. They decide to leave Saturday the 24th, so they can have more time together. Soon, the week arrives; the girls are excited to spend time together, but slightly disappointed that the guys can’t be there. The drive there is nice and peaceful; they take their time, and take goofy selfies while they are driving, and sending them to each other, and the guys. They had been in Union Pier for a couple of days, when Tanith started feeling sick. After they ruled everything out, Tanith bought a pregnancy test, and was ecstatic when it was positive. She didn’t tell Charlie; that wasn’t something you tell your husband over the phone, or in a text. All too soon, Friday the 30th arrived, and the girls had to go back home. Meryl would pick up her car at her house, so she could drive herself and Maks back from Ann Arbor. Meryl called her parents to let them know that they were leaving, and Tanith called her in-laws, and said the same. Meryl decided to drive, and they left Union Pier happy, relaxed, and excited about what was coming. They decided to stop for dinner, and then get back on the road; Charlie’s flight got in at 7, Maks’ at 7:30, and they were meeting at Tanith and Charlie’s at 8, and it was 6 now. Tanith took over the driving, and Meryl dozed off a little. They had been making great time when Tanith noticed the traffic picking up a little; she figured it was maybe an accident, or just the usual Friday evening traffic. Tanith woke Meryl up; she had a question to ask her. But, as soon as she started speaking, she noticed a pair of erratic headlights heading in their direction. She told Meryl to hang on; and she stopped talking as she tracked the lights; Meryl noticed that something caught her attention, and followed with her eyes as well. They both noticed the headlights but, they were on the opposite side of the highway, so they weren’t super concerned. All of a sudden, the headlights swept in their direction, and a few seconds later, all you could hear was brakes squealing, metal crunching, screaming and then a sudden, eerie silence in the car.


	2. Battered and Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The injuries and prognoses of both Tanith and Meryl

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Charlie was looking forward to going home. He was looking forward to time with his wife; he was wondering what she had to tell him; he had gotten a text from her that day, before she left Union Pier with his best friend, that she had something good to tell him. He texted her that he landed, but, if she were driving, she wouldn’t be able to respond. He found a seat to wait for Maks’ flight to get in. He had waited about 20 minutes, when he saw Maks walking towards him. “Hey Charlie, how are you?” “Great, how are you?” “Ready to go home.” “Good, let’s go. I left my car in long-term parking”. They chatted about their flights, what they had done that week. They arrived at the car, tossing their bags in the back seat. Charlie grabbed his phone, and was going to plug it in. All of a sudden, it rang. He was surprised to his mom’s name come up; he answered saying, “Hey mom, we just got into the car; we’ll be leaving soon.” All Charlie heard was ragged breathing, and tears. “Mom? What’s wrong?” “Charlie, is Maks with you?” “Yes.” “Put the phone on speaker, now.” “Ok; you’re on speaker mom.” “Charlie? Maks? Promise you will not turn that car on until I’m done telling you something.” “Mom?” “Jacqui, what?” “Promise me.” Charlie and Maks exchange glances, nod, and then Charlie says, “We promise mom.” “Ok; Tanith and Meryl were in a car accident tonight.” Charlie and Maks look at each other, horrified, and Charlie gasps, “Is. It. Bad?” “Life flight was called.” “Oh, God!” “Charlie, listen! Tanith already arrived at U of M; Meryl was pinned in the car, and it’s taking longer to get her out. You and Maks need to get here, as soon as you can.” “We’re leaving now.” “Drive carefully, and call when you get here; I’ll send your dad out to get you two”. Charlie hangs up the phone, and completely breaks down. Maks just grabs his shoulder, takes two deep breaths and squeaks out, “Let’s get to our girls, shall we?” Charlie nods his head, wipes the tears from his eyes, and starts the car. After they pay, and get on the highway, Maks asks the question that he’s been trying not to ask. “Charlie?” “Yes?” “Why did you say oh, God when talking to your mom?” “Maks, what do you know about life flight?” “Not much.” Charlie takes a deep breath and says, “Life flight is reserved for patients who are severely hurt, and need to get to a trauma center as soon as possible. U of M, where they were taken, is one of the best trauma centers in the area, and they see some of the most serious trauma; death usually occurs with some of their patients.” “Oh, no.” “Yes; Meryl was pinned in the car; that means that her injuries are going to be more serious, and the longer it takes them to get her out, the more time her injuries have to bleed, or increase in severity; if she even survives the trip.” Maks then starts to cry, saying over and over, “I can’t lose her; I just can’t. I haven’t had her long enough!” Charlie takes a deep breath, and whispers, “Both of my partners were in the accident; how do I get through this? My on ice partner, who has always been there for me through everything, can’t help me now. The only person who I could talk to about something that I couldn’t talk to Meryl about, is also not able to be there. What do I do, Maks?” They finished the rest of the drive in silence, with the only sounds being tears, sighs, and ragged breathing.

The men pulled up to the hospital, and parked. Charlie made a note of where they parked, and bought a parking pass. He grabbed his phone and jacket, and Maks grabbed his as well. As they were leaving the parking garage, Charlie called Jacqui and told her that they had just arrived, and are walking towards the emergency room entrance. Big Charlie met them there, and made sure to pull both men outside, and away from other people. Big Charlie then grabbed his son into a hug, and Charlie broke down again. Then, Big Charlie grabbed Maks in a hug as well. Maks also cried, and it was a few minutes before they could all pull themselves together. “We need to go in.” “Where are we going, dad?” “Surgery waiting room; Tanith is in surgery now.” Charlie gulped, nodded and said, “We’ll follow you”. Big Charlie led them in, and said to Maks, “We need to check with Cheryl and Paul, and see if Meryl has made it to the hospital yet.” Maks looked around and swallowed, “Ok, where are they?” “Right here.” Maks went straight over to Cheryl, gave her a bone-crushing hug, and just held on for a few minutes. “Maks, you’re squeezing me a tad to tight.” “Sorry.” “It’s okay.” “Have you heard anything Cheryl?” She swallowed and whispered, “The doctor came in about 2 minutes ago; they have finally pulled her out of the car, but it’s bad. She has head and massive chest trauma; they still had to stabilize her, then they are flying her in. She won’t be here for another 20 or so minutes, and then they will be taking her straight to radiology, so they can get the scans that they need, then straight into surgery. We won’t be able to see her before they take her in.” Charlie and Maks both turned pale, and the tears started up again for both men. Paul came up to his wife and said, “Why don’t we all go upstairs to the surgery waiting room together?” It was a somber, quiet group that made its way upstairs. Cheryl and Jacqui hugged, both feeling the agony of the other. Cheryl did go over to the desk on the floor, to let the nurse know that they were waiting for news about Meryl, when they have any. The nurse nodded, and said when they have something to share someone will come find them. Maks had texted Larisa, Sasha and Val, to let them know what was going on. Then, when they all called him, he kept speaking in broken, whispered Russian, “It’s a bad accident; I haven’t seen her; I don’t know.” Suddenly a doctor walked in, looking around and saying, “The family of Tanith White?” Charlie, Big Charlie and Jacqui all stood, and said, “Us.” The doctor walked over, introducing himself, “I’m Dr. Chan, one of the neurosurgeons here. Whom am I speaking with?” “I’m Charlie, her husband, and these are my parents, Charles and Jacqui White.” “Ok, nice to meet you all. Mr. White…” “Charlie, please” “Charlie…Your wife has had a moderate head injury. We had to go in and remove the blood clot, and stop the bleeding in her head. Other than her head injury, she has a badly broken leg, which we will have pinned later. She has cuts, scrapes, and bruises. Oh, by the way, congratulations. “Why congratulations?” “Tanith is pregnant.” Charlie looks stunned and swallows, whispering, “How do you know she’s pregnant?” “She told us in the ER. We confirmed it, and also did an ultrasound. The pregnancy has survived the accident so far. It should continue, but there is a small chance that she could still lose it. It depends on how much impact there was to her abdomen.” “Thank you Dr. Chan.” Charlie looks so stunned, so shaky, Jacqui immediately grabs his arm, and walks him over to some chairs, shoves him into one and says, “Sit for a few minutes.” Charlie stares into space, not really seeing anything, with a haunted, broken look on his face. Suddenly, he stands up and says, “I’ll be back”, and walks out. He wanders around for a few minutes, and then finds the chapel. It is the only place that he can be truly alone, and begins to absorb what happened. He goes in, sits down heavily, and just looks straight ahead, not really taking in anything. He then starts repeating what the doctor told him, “She’s pregnant, head injury, broken leg.” “Oh, Tan why didn’t you tell me we were going to be parents? Is that what you wanted to tell me tonight? That I am going to be a dad? I don’t know if I’m happy or not. I want to be a dad more than anything, but I didn’t want to find out this way. But, we made a baby! Right now, there is a little person that is half you, half me, and I can’t wait to see what they grow to be. I don’t know if you will ever skate again. If the pinning works to fix your leg, you are going to have a lot of physical therapy, and your flexibility and mobility may be affected. I don’t want to tell you this; maybe you already know. All I want is for you to wake up, know me, know what happened, and we will deal with everything else as it comes up. I also hope you know what happened to Meryl. How did the accident happen? Who was driving? How did the two women I love the most in the world both end up here because of the same accident? Who will hold my hand through this? Please Tan, don’t leave me, I need you.” He then breaks completely down, sobbing as if his heart is breaking. After some time, he calms down, wipes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and walks back to his family, and Meryl’s family.

As he approaches, a nurse comes up to him and asks “Charlie White?” “Yes?” “Your wife woke up, and is asking for you. Would you like to see her?” “Yes.” He follows her, and then tells his parents that he is going to see Tanith, and he’ll be back. The nurse leads him to ICU, which is on the other side of the same floor as the operating rooms. The nurse tells him not to be alarmed, but she has some pretty bad looking bruises and cuts, has tubes and monitors, but she can hear him. He walks to her bedside, and just stares for a minute. The love of his life is lying there, with a bandage wrapped around her head, some cuts on her face, an IV in her arm, and her left leg with a splint on it. He walks up to her, clears his throat, grabs the hand without the IV, leans over and whispers, “Tan? Can you hear me?” She turns her head at his voice, opens her eyes, smiles, and says, “Hey love.” Charlie closes his eyes, leans forward, kisses her on the cheek, and whispers, “Oh thank God”. She squeezes his hand, and says, “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to tell you about the baby. That’s what I wanted to tell you tonight.” “When did you find out?” “Tuesday; I didn’t want to text you, or tell you over the phone; I wanted it to be in person.” “You’re really pregnant?” “Yes; we are going to be parents.” “Wow. I can’t quite believe it.” “Neither can I; I just hope that I can carry it to term; the accident might still result in a miscarriage.” “Tan? What do you remember about the accident?” “Pretty much everything. I don’t remember the second impact, but the first I do, and the noise of it, then the silence when I came to again. And the pain in my leg.” “Do you know what happened to Meryl?” “I was driving; we got hit head on, then the car spun and slammed into the freeway support. That impact was straight on Meryl’s side, and then I passed out. When I woke up, it was so quiet. I couldn’t move far, but I knew I was bleeding, badly. I couldn’t turn my head, but by that time the police and paramedics were there, and I heard them say that we were both alive, but she was pinned, and to get the Jaws of Life. They then split up, one team on me, one on her. They got me out, and as they did, I told them to call both sets of parents, and I then told the paramedics that I was pregnant. I vaguely remember the flight, and then we got here to the ER. I told the doctors again that I was pregnant, and then I passed out. I woke up here, and a nurse told me about all of my injuries, and that you were here. Now, here we are. How is she?” “ I don’t know; they had just pulled her out of the car when Maks and I got here. They still had to stabilize her, and then fly her here. Straight to radiology for scans, then straight to surgery, if she even survives the trip. She has head and massive chest trauma. That was about 30 minutes ago.” “Oh, Charlie, I’m so sorry.” A nurse enters, and says “Mr. White?” “Yes?” “We have to kick you out. She needs her rest, and you can only stay for 20 minutes at a time.” He sighs and says, “Ok.” He turns to Tanith, leans over, kisses her on the mouth and says, “I’ll be back when they let me. I love you.” “I love you sweetie, and we can talk about what’s next after they pin my leg.” Charlie walks away, shaking his head. He wanders his way back to the waiting room, only to find Paul waiting there alone. “Paul? Where is everyone?” “Your mom and Cheryl went to the bathroom, and I have no idea where Maks is. Your dad got called into work; an emergency came up. How’s Tanith?” “Stronger than I am. She remembers everything that happened, and she knows how bad Meryl is hurt. She also knows about her leg, and that she could still lose the baby.” Suddenly, a different nurse comes running into the room asking, “Meryl Davis’ family?” Paul stands and says, “I’m her father, and this is her best friend.” “Ok, the scans are done, and she is in for a very long surgery. She has serious head trauma; two skull fractures, with active bleeding, and a lot of blood pooling; we need to remove it, stop the bleeding, and keep an eye on the inter-cranial pressure. We will be putting a probe in her brain to keep an eye on the pressure; if it gets to high, we will have to remove a piece of her skull. As for her chest, she has both blunt and penetrating chest trauma. When the car spun after the collision, the passenger side hit the support of the freeway. That caused the windshield to shatter. But, it shattered into the car. A piece went straight into her chest; it looks like the piece is lodged near the right side of her heart. Our biggest concern is a tear in the wall of her heart; it’s called a ventricle rupture. She could bleed to death when the surgeons go to fix it. Her heart stopped two times in the helicopter on the way here; we were able to bring her back each time. She also has abdominal injuries. We think she also has a ruptured spleen; we will take a look when we are in the OR. We are looking at least 7 or 8 hours of surgery; there is a lot to go over. It could take 10 or 11; depending on the damage. Her heart and head are our biggest concerns right now. If either one of those injuries gets worse, there is nothing that we can do. Any other questions?” “Can we see her?” “No, I’m sorry. The surgeons are scrubbing in now; surgery will be starting in about 5 minutes.” “What else can we do?” “Pray.” The nurse left after that. Both Paul and Charlie looked at each other, and just fell wordlessly into each other’s arms, sobbing. They hung onto each other for a while; neither one was aware of the passage of time. Cheryl and Jacqui came back; Maks soon followed, and they all stared in silence at the two men huddled together. Cheryl looked at her husband and whispered, “What happened?” Paul and Charlie let go of each other, wiped their eyes and sighed, then took the group over to chairs and made everyone sit down, before speaking. Paul swallowed, and reached for his wife’s hand. “A nurse came by. Meryl is going to be in surgery for the next 7 or 8 hours, possibly 10 or 11. Her heart and head are their biggest concerns.” Maks said, “What injury is the most serious? Her heart? Her head?” Paul looked at him and said, “They are both serious. She has suffered blunt and penetrative chest trauma, and that can lead to death. If her heart or head injuries get any worse, she may die. They are running out of options.” Dead silence greets his words. Cheryl is shaking, Jacqui is pale, and Maks looks like he is going to be sick. He then asks, “When are they starting the surgery?” Charlie chimed in and said, “They are in surgery now. When the nurse came in, they were going to be starting in 5 minutes. That was 20 minutes ago.” Maks looks up at Charlie, pure misery on his face, worry in his eyes, and gasps, “Is she going to die?” Charlie walks over to Maks, sits down next to him, grabs his arm and whispers, “She might if it gets worse; she just might.” Maks then wraps his arms around Charlie, and just sobs. They stay that way for some time. Once Maks lets go of Charlie, he stands up, and says, “I’m going to go see Tanith. She needs to know, and I can see her again.” 

Charlie walks quickly over to ICU, and goes in to see Tanith. A doctor is with her when he gets there. He joins her, grabs her hand, and the doctor looks up at him and asks Tanith, “Who is this young man?” “My husband, Charlie.” “Well Charlie, it’s good to meet you. I’m Dr. Abbott, an orthopedic surgeon. I will be pinning your wife’s leg in a few hours.” “Nice to meet you Dr. Abbott.” “I was just explaining to Tanith about the possibility of her resuming her ice dance career. It might be possible; it depends on how quickly she heals. Because she has a comminuted middle femoral shaft fracture, we will be inserting a titanium rod in the marrow canal. It will extend the length of your femur, and be screwed into your knee and hip.” Charlie interrupts by saying, “What does the type of fracture she has mean?” Dr. Abbott answered, “Tanith’s femur was broken into five pieces. We need to put those pieces back into alignment, and the rod is the easiest way to do it. I will make an incision in her knee, feed the rod into the marrow canal of her femur, and it will bridge the pieces and hold them in place. The rod will be pinned above her knee, and below her hip, to keep everything in alignment during the healing process. I’m anticipating no major weight bearing activity for 8 weeks, so by early September you will be starting to walk with crutches. You will be encouraged to place some weight on it, so your muscles don’t atrophy too much. You will also be doing physical therapy; we can customize something based on your skating needs. You might be able to be up again on skates by mid-February. Luckily, this is just your femur shaft, not your hip. That would mean a very different prognosis. Any other questions?” “When are you doing the surgery?” “In about 2 hours; I have to go see how the availability looks, and get on the schedule. I also have to see how many sizes of rods and screws we have; I won’t know the exact length until I get in there.” Tanith asks, “Does the fact that I’m pregnant change how you will treat me?” “No; just know that we have to do x-rays while we do the surgery to make sure that everything lines up.” She frowns, and asks, “What are the dangers to the baby from the x-rays?” “There are no real dangers if the x-rays are not of the abdomen. Since I will be looking at your leg, the baby will not be harmed.” Charlie sighed, looked at his wife and said, “I think you answered all of our questions.” Dr. Abbott shook both of their hands, before turning to leave. As he was walking out the door, he called over his shoulder, “Okay. See you in a few hours.” Tanith looks up at Charlie and asks, “ You look horrible. Did you find out about Meryl?” He sighs, takes her hand, and whispers, “She might die. Her heart stopped twice in the helicopter on the way here; if it gets worse, she may die. If her head injury gets worse, she may die.” He can’t continue, and just cries; he can’t even think at this point. She just holds his hand, squeezing it occasionally. She clears her throat, and whispers, “How long will she be in surgery?” “7-11 hours, depending on what they find.” She says, “What can I do for you?” He just shakes his head; he can’t even form words. He stares at the ground and gasps, “What do I do Tan? Meryl’s in surgery; you’ve had brain surgery, and are now getting ready for a second surgery, this one on your leg. The two women I love most in the world are hurt, and I feel so helpless. How do I wrap my head around the fact that she may die? The one person I made history with, may be gone. Then, what do I do? How can I be one half of a partnership when my partner isn’t here anymore? I don’t want another skating partner; it will only be her.” Tanith closes her eyes, as a few tears slip out. She takes a few deep breaths, squeezes his hand, and says, “Look at me, Charlie.” He raises red, bloodshot blue eyes that are shimmering with tears to her blue eyes. “I think you need to focus just on me and Meryl. The two of us represent the main parts of your life. She has been your past and present, and she will always be a part of you. She loves you so much, and she would be here for you if the situation were reversed. We’re married, so I’m your future off the ice. We will be starting a family of our own, and it will be a long road until I’m back to normal. You have to make a few phone calls: USFSA, Marina, and your other sponsors. Also, you need to contact Meryl’s sponsors, and inform them of the accident. Then, turn over responsibility to your agents. Everyone else has someone to lean on; Maks needs you though. You are the only person who understands what it feels like to love her; he’ll need the help, at least until someone can be here with him.” “God, Tan, how did I get so lucky to have you?” “I’ve been thinking about this, and she’d do that for me if something happened to you.” She wiped her eyes with the sheet, as a few more tears leaked out of her eyes. “Why don’t you head back to them? They may need you, and I’m getting ready to fall asleep again.” “Okay honey. Get some sleep, and I’ll be here when you get out of surgery.” He kisses her on the forehead, squeezes her hand, and walks away wiping away his tears. He heads back to the waiting room, deep in thought. Once he gets back, he looks for Maks, but doesn’t see him. He asks Meryl’s parents, “ Where’s Maks?” “We don’t know. After you left, he said he needed to take a walk.” “Okay; I’m going to go look for him, and I’ll stop by the cafeteria for some coffee before I come back. If you see him, tell him I’m looking for him, please?” “Will do.” Cheryl walks over to him, hugs him, and asks, “How’s Tanith doing?” “She’s hanging in; she had a brain bleed as well, some cuts and bruises, but she has a severely broken leg that is going to require surgery in a few hours. She’s pregnant, so there is still a chance that she might lose the baby; depends on how much of an impact there was on her abdomen.” “Give her our love, and we’ll see her after she gets out of surgery.” Charlie hugs her again, and then leaves. He decides to check the chapel first, then maybe outside. If he still can’t find Maks, then he’ll text him, and find out where he is. He slips into the chapel quietly, and there is Maks, sitting in a chair, with is head in his hands. “Maks? Feel like some company?” “Only if it’s you.” “Yep, only me.” He sits next to Maks, and says nothing. Maks clears his throat, and quietly asks, “Charlie, what am I going to do? I feel so helpless here, and there is nothing I can do for her. The more I think about it, the more upset I get. I can’t lose her; our life hasn’t even begun yet! What happened? Who was driving?” Charlie takes a deep breath and asks, “Are you sure you want to know?” “Yes. What do you know?” “I’m going to tell you, but please don’t interrupt until I’m done. I know I can only tell this once.” “Ok. Tell me.” Charlie repeated everything that Tanith had told him about the accident, and Maks looked shaken and stunned by the end of it. He swallowed before asking Charlie, “Tanith’s pregnant?” “Yes; she found out Tuesday, and Meryl knows.” “Do you know anything about the car that hit them?” “No, nothing. I’ll add that to my list of phone calls to make.” “Phone calls?” “Yes; I need to let our sponsors know, Meryl’s sponsors know, our coach, and the figure skating association know. Then, I’m turning everything over to our agents. I’ll call the police and ask about the accident report, as well. Have you called anyone yet?” “I haven’t had the courage to tell my parents or Val yet. I don’t think I can handle their questions.” “Maks, they should find out from you, not someone else, or the media.” “You’re right. Stay with me while I make the calls?” “Of course I will.” Maks pulls out his phone, and calls his parents first. “Mama? Can you have Papa pick up the other extension? I have news about Meryl, and I only want to say this once.” “Ok, you both there? Good. Meryl is in surgery, and could die. She has massive injuries to her heart, and serious ones to her head, as well as abdominal injuries. If her injuries get worse, there is nothing else the doctors can do for her. No, I haven’t seen her; she was taken straight into surgery. No, don’t call Val; I will. Yes, Papa tell the DWM family, and the rest of the family. I’ll have Val take care of the DWTS folks. Ok, bye, I love you too, and I’ll tell her when she wakes up.” He hangs up, and then calls his brother. “Val? I have news about Meryl. She’s in bad shape; she may die. Serious head and massive heart injuries; if they get worse, there is nothing the doctors can do. Yes, tell the other pros. Sharna wants to know how Charlie’s holding up? He’s here, but with Tanith being injured as well, he has a lot of stress to deal with. Ok, I’ll pass it on to him. I love you too. No, don’t drop everything and come. Send Jenna if she can come; if you have a free day from the tour, then you can come.” “What did Sharna want?” “She sent hugs to you and Meryl’s parents. You get yours now.” With that, Maks turned in his seat, and wrapped his arms around Charlie, and pulled him close. He squeezed tightly, and only let go when he realized he was trying to strangle Charlie. Charlie coughed, then asked Maks, “Do you want to go get something to eat? It will be a while before we hear, and I haven’t had anything since lunch, and I’m getting hungry.” “Sure; why don’t we just head down to the cafeteria?” “Sounds like a plan.” After they ate, they went back upstairs. A nurse would come out and give them progress reports occasionally. Finally, after 9 hours, the surgeon came in. “Meryl Davis’ family?” Everyone stood up, and walked over to him. The doctor looked at everyone and said, “Why don’t you introduce yourselves?” “I’m Paul, Meryl’s father, this is Cheryl, my wife, Maks, her fiancé, and Charlie, her best friend and skating partner. And this is Charlie’s mom, Jacqui.” “I’m Dr. Carroll. Okay. Meryl survived the surgery. That is a major accomplishment, since she lost 2 1/2 pints of blood. Her head injuries weren’t as extensive as we thought. We stopped the bleeding, and removed the blood. The pressure we were concerned about is at a normal level; we are keeping an eye on it, just in case. Her heart though, was the challenge. Paul, hold out your hand, palm up, please.” He does, and the surgeon places a four-inch piece of bloodstained glass in his hand. “This is the piece that we pulled from your daughter's chest. We had to put her on the heart lung machine, and then we stopped her heart, pulled it out, and began looking for the tear in her ventricle. She was lucky; it was a small tear and blood had collected in her pericardium. That’s the sac that surrounds her heart. After we got everything sewn up, we then made sure we got all of the pooled blood that had collected, and then we re-started her heart. Nothing leaked, but we are going to be making sure. We then moved on to her abdomen, where we discovered that she had a ruptured spleen, so we removed it. We put her in a medically induced coma, so her body can start to heal itself. We’ll start bringing her out of it in the next few days. Does anyone have ay questions?” “Can we see her?” “Not everyone at once. Two at a time, and only for 5 minutes.” They all looked at each other, not sure who should go first. It was decided that it would be Cheryl and Paul, Charlie and Maks, and then Jacqui and Cheryl. When Charlie and Maks walked in, they both stopped dead in their tracks, and could only stare at the tiny figure lying in the bed. She had monitors and tubes everywhere, a bandage wrapped around her head, her hair barely coming to her shoulders, and a sheet covering a blood-stained bandage running down the middle of her chest. Her chest was already bruising; the outline of the seatbelt could be seen, as well as massive bruises starting by her collarbone, and disappearing under the sheet. She had bruises on her face, a cut with stitches on her forehead, but no broken bones, amazingly. Maks walked up to her, grabbed her right hand that didn’t have the IV, and whispered, “Princess, I’m here. Please come back to us; I love you, and I need you.” He kissed her then, and stumbled out of the room, crying. Charlie then took a deep breath, walked over to her, and whispered in her ear, “Mer, we are all here. Tan’s okay; she has a broken leg, and the baby is fine. I love you so much, and I can’t imagine this world without you in it. Please, get better, and come back to us.” He kissed her, squeezed her hand, and then walked out of the room, crying softly.


	3. Answered Prayers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meryl wakes up!
> 
> The song is: "When You Come Back to Me Again" by Garth Brooks. It is on the movie "Frequency" soundtrack.

There’s a ship out on the ocean  
At the mercy of the sea  
It’s been tossed about  
Lost and broken  
Wandering aimlessly  
And God somehow you know  
That ship is me

‘Cause there’s a lighthouse  
In a harbor  
Shining faithfully  
Pouring its light out  
Across the water  
For this sinking soul to see  
That someone out there still believes in me

On a prayer  
In a song  
I hear your voice  
And it keeps me hanging on  
Oh, raining down, against the wind  
I’m reaching out  
‘Till we reach the circle’s end  
When you come back to me again

There’s a moment  
There we all come to  
In our own time and in our own space  
Where all that we’ve done  
We can undo  
If our hearts’ in the right place

On a prayer  
In a song  
I hear your voice  
And it keeps me hanging on  
Oh, raining down, against the wind  
I’m reaching out  
‘Till we reach the circle’s end  
And you come back to me again

And again I see  
My yesterday’s in front of me  
Unfolding like a mystery  
You’re changing all that is and used to be

On a prayer  
In a song  
I hear your voice  
And it keeps me hanging on  
Oh, raining down, against the wind  
I’m reaching out  
‘Till we reach the circle’s end  
When you come back to me again

When you come back to me again

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

For the next two days, Meryl remained in a coma. The doctors decided to bring her out of it, and see if she would regain consciousness on her own. Two more days passed, with nothing happening. On the Fourth of July night, Charlie was there by himself. He had been visiting Tanith in a regular room, and decided to see Meryl before he went home. He went in, not expecting her to be awake. She wasn’t, so he grabbed her hand, sat by her bed, and started talking. He was remembering their old programs, some of his favorite lifts. In the middle of telling her about the Notre Dame de Paris program, he felt a gentle flutter in his hand. He stopped talking, and looked at his hand. “Meryl?” Her fingers fluttered again. “Meryl? Can you open your eyes?” He stood up, leaning on the bed next to her. She slowly opened her eyes, blinked and whispered, “Hey partner.” Charlie closed his eyes, swallowed, and said, “Oh, thank you God! Hey Mer. Good to see you.” His tears spilled out of his eyes then, and she reached up her hand, cupping his face, wiping his tears away while asking, “What’s all this for?” “I’m so happy to see you open your eyes and talk to me. We were so worried about you both.” “How’s Tan? How’s the baby?” “Tan’s okay. A little battered as well. She had a moderate head injury, but she has a badly broken leg. They had to put a rod in it; her femur broke in five places. So far, the baby’s okay. She could still have a miscarriage; it depends on how much force her abdomen had on it during the accident.” “I’m glad she’s okay. How are you? How’s Maks? My parents and Clay? Your parents?” He chuckled, kissed her cheek, and sat down again still holding her hand. “They will all be thrilled when I tell them that you woke up. Maks should be here soon; my parents and yours are at home; we have been taking turns staying here. Clay had to go back; he had to go back to work.” “And you?” “So much better now. I was so worried about both you and Tan. I felt so helpless; both of my partners were in the same accident. It felt like the cruelest joke ever; both of the people I lean on the most were hurt, and survival was questionable for both at first.” “Charlie? How long has it been since the accident?” “Four days. Today is July 4th.” “Oh. Too bad I can’t see the fireworks!” He got cut off then, since her doctor came in, asking her questions. She answered them all, yawning a little, and fighting to keep her eyes open. She squeezed his hand, and went back to sleep. The doctor motioned him outside, and Charlie followed. “We expect her to make a full recovery. We have no idea if she will be able to return to competition, but she will be able to skate again. Let her family know.” “I will Dr. Carroll, thank you.” Charlie then walked to the waiting room on shaky legs, put his head in hands, and repeated, “She’s awake, she made it, she can still skate” over and over again. Charlie doesn’t know how long he was sitting there, but the next thing he knows, a pair of hands are grabbing his shoulders, saying “Charlie? What’s wrong? What happened?” He looks up into Maks’ eyes. Maks takes one look at the tears, and sits down choking out, “What happened? Is she...” “No!” Charlie took a deep breath, looked up and whispered, “She woke up. She opened her eyes, squeezed my hand, and talked to me.” Maks looks stunned; like he can’t believe it actually happened. “She woke up?” “Yes, but she’s asleep again now.” “How long ago?” Charlie looked at his watch, “10 minutes. Go see if she’ll wake up for you.” Maks rushed over to her room, went in and approached her bed. She didn’t look any different, still sleeping peacefully. He reached out, grabbed her hand, leaned over and breathed, “Princess?” His heart leapt when she turned her head, opened those beautiful hazel eyes, looked straight at him, and said, “Hello my love.” Maks brought her hand to his lips, kissing it over and over. “Maks?” “Yes baby?” “Can you not squeeze so hard? You might break my hand.” “I’m sorry”; his grip immediately loosened. He stood over her, and kissed her forehead. “I’m going to go back to sleep; why don’t you go back to the waiting room? They won’t let you stay much longer.” “I don’t want to leave you, honey.” “I know you don’t, but they won’t let you stay.” He reluctantly let go of her hand, kissed her once more on the forehead, and walked out the door. He walked right back to Charlie, who looked up at him, and he said, “She woke up for me, too.” Both men smiled at each other; the woman they loved had come back to them. Just then, fireworks erupted in the sky, and what a celebration it was.


	4. Learning to Live Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meryl gets the news that she has been waiting for; she gets to go home!

“Tough times don’t last; tough people do.” ~Robert H. Schuller

Meryl was looking forward to getting out of the hospital. She was in a private room, which was nice, but it wasn’t home. She had had a few visitors; her parents, Charlie’s parents, Maks, Jenna, Val, and Charlie. Tanith hadn’t been by, which was understandable, but Meryl needed to see her, make sure she really was okay. Dr. Carroll came in one hot July morning asking her, “Are you ready to go home?” She looked up at him, surprised. “Really? I can go home?” “Yes; there is no reason for you to stay here. You’ve been recovering nicely these past two weeks; there have been no further signs of bleeding, and you can come in for some of the tests that we have been doing.” “When are you discharging me?” “Once I talk to your family, and decide who will be staying with you; you can’t be completely on your own yet, but you will be discharged tomorrow morning.” “Thank you, Dr. Carroll.” “I’ll be back in an hour; have your family come in.” “Ok, I’ll call them.” Dr. Carroll walks out, and is writing notes in Meryl’s chart as he goes. He drops off the chart at the nurse’s station, and tells them to start the paperwork to discharge Meryl Davis on July 20, 2017. As he is walking towards the elevator, he sees Charlie walking towards him, with a beautiful blond woman using a walker next to him. “Dr. Carroll!” “Hey Charlie. How are you?” “Ok; this is my wife, Tanith White. Tan, this is Dr. Carroll, Meryl’s cardiologist.” “Nice to meet you.” “How’s Meryl?” “Excited; she is being discharged tomorrow. Why don’t you go talk to her? I will be back in an hour, to meet with her family one more time before discharge.” “Okay, we will.” Charlie and Tanith walk down the hall towards Meryl’s room, Tanith becoming quieter the closer they get. “Charlie? Does she really want to see me?” “Yes, she does. I promise.” “Why am I scared?” “I don’t know. Let’s just go in; then you’ll know for sure.” They enter, and Charlie goes in first, letting Tanith pass him. “Mer? Look who’s here to see you.” Meryl turns her head, she smiles when she sees Tanith, and her eyes fill with tears. “Oh, Tanith, it’s so good to see you!” “It’s good to see you too! Can I give you a hug?” “Of course you can!” Tanith gets over to the bed, and soon discovers that she can’t lean over without feeling like she’s going to fall. So, Meryl pats the bed beside her, and Tanith gets on, then rolls into Meryl’s side, and the two women just hug for a long moment, without speaking. When they pull away, both women have tears in their eyes. Charlie clears his throat, wipes his eyes, pulls out his phone, and takes a picture of his two favorite partners. He then walks around to the other side of the bed, gets on behind Meryl, and hugs them both. They all start laughing at themselves, and Charlie takes another picture. The sound of laughter can be heard faintly in the hall, when Maks, Paul, and Cheryl walk in, they are greeted by the sight of Charlie, Meryl, and Tanith, all squeezed onto Meryl’s hospital bed, laughing. Dr. Carroll walks in right after, shaking his head and smiles, saying, “That’s such a nice sight to see.” Both Charlie and Tanith start to get up, but Dr. Carroll just waves his hand at them, and says, “Stay. You can listen from there anyways.” Meryl then looks at Dr. Carroll and says, “Am I really going home tomorrow?” “Yes; you just have to have someone stay with you; you can’t be by yourself yet.” Cheryl looks at her daughter and asks, “Do you want to be in your condo while you recover, or do you want to be at home?” Without hesitation, she says, “My condo. I just want to be home, surrounded by my things.” “So, the next question is, who is going to stay with you? You won’t need much help; just someone to make sure you don’t fall while you are taking a shower, and someone to take you to your doctor’s appointments, and to help you keep track of the tests, their results, and your appointment schedule.” “How long will I need someone?” “I’m going to err on the side of caution, and say a month at the most. The hardest thing for you will be to slowly build up your strength and endurance.” Meryl bites her lower lip, looks up at Maks, and says, “Maks? Can you stay for a month?” He pulls out his phone, checks his calendar, smiles at her, and says, “Yes, I can.” “My fiancé will be staying with me.” “Ok, good. Meryl, I will show you how to clean your scar, and give you something to rub on it, so it doesn’t scar as badly as it could. The next big thing is going to be a heart function test, which will tell us if you are able to return to competition. Does anyone have any questions?” Meryl asks, “Will I be able to drive? Take a walk? What am I allowed to do?” Dr. Carroll chuckles, and says “Meryl, do what ever feels comfortable for you. Just ease into physical activity, and if you feel dizzy, lightheaded, or pain in your chest, stop what you are doing, immediately.” “Ok, thank you.” He leaves, and Meryl looks around at everyone and whispers, “I am so glad to be going home. I thought I’d never see it again.”


	5. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meryl goes home, and what happens her first day there.
> 
> The song is: "Home" (Live version) by Phillip Phillips

Hold on, to me as we go  
As we roll down this unfamiliar road  
And although this wave is stringing us along  
Just know you're not alone  
Cause I'm going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear  
Don't pay no mind to the demons  
They fill you with fear  
The trouble it might drag you down  
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone  
Cause I'm going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear  
Don't pay no mind to the demons  
They fill you with fear  
The trouble it might drag you down  
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone  
Cause I'm going to make this place your home

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Maks can’t wait to get her home. She looks so fragile, and weary already, and they haven’t even left the hospital yet. “Meryl honey?” “Yes?” “You look tired. Did you sleep last night?” She shrugged and said, “Not much. It’s hard to get decent sleep in a hospital, and I woke up at 6. It’s now noon, and I’m exhausted. I just want to go home, and go to bed.” With that, Dr. Carroll comes in, smiles at both of them and says, “Your paperwork is finished. You are officially discharged, and I will see you next week for your condition test. Remember, if you have any questions or concerns, call me. If something happens, come straight back here.” “We will Dr. Carroll; I’ll make sure she doesn’t overdo it.” “Maks, don’t smother her; she’ll be fine. She knows what to look for if something were to happen, and she knows how to handle it.” “Ok, well, Maks, shall we go?” They leave the room; the flowers and balloons had already been taken home, as well as Meryl’s belongings from the accident. Maks pushed the wheelchair down the hall, with the nurses stopping to tell her goodbye, and giving her hugs. They get outside, and Maks gently picks her up, and settles her into the passenger seat of her car. He runs around the car, gets in, and slowly pulls away from the curb. It is a quiet ride to her condo; she just stares out the window, and he alternates between looking at her, and looking at the road. Once they pull up, they just sit in the car for a few minutes. He carries her inside, down the hall to her room, and sets her down on the bed. She pats the bed next to her, and says, “We need to talk.” He sits, grabbing her hand, and saying, “What about?” “I have never let you see my scar before, and it is going to shock you. I need to know that you won’t turn away from me because of it.” He swallows, and whispers, “I would never turn away from you.” She gets up, walks over to her dresser, and grabs a t-shirt and a pair of shorts and says, “Ok.” With that, she slowly reaches down to her hips, grabs the hem of her shirt, and slowly pulls it over her head. She reaches behind her, undoes her bra, and slides it down her arms. She turns away from him, crossing her arms over her chest, and whispers, “Are you ready?” He nods, but realizes that she can’t see him, and whispers, “Yes.” She slowly turns back around, and drops her arms. Maks is stunned; there is an angry, raised, vivid red scar running from just below her collarbone all the way to her belly button, and also one close to her stomach. There are still bruises on her chest, but they are starting to turn from black to purple, and some are green and yellow. He just sits there, and stares for a few minutes. He swallows, and whispers, “Can I touch it?” She nods, and he reaches out, and lightly runs his hand down her chest. It feels odd; her skin is still soft in places, but the scar feels hard, and unyielding. A ridge, where there wasn’t one before. She flinches a little, and he lightens up on the pressure of his fingers. The next thing she knows, his arms are wrapped around her waist, his head on her chest, and he’s crying. “Maks?” He just shudders, and then breathes in and she can feel his lips move and barely hears, “I am so glad I can still do this.” She pushes on his shoulders, forcing him to look up at her. “I don’t care about the scar; it just shows how strong you really are. I am just glad that I am able to hold you, kiss you, and love you.” Once he said that, she squeezed him tight, then stepped out of his arms, put the shirt on, took off her pants, put the shorts on, and crawled into bed. She looks up at him and says “Lay down with me? I missed sleeping with your arms wrapped around me.” He then stripped off his clothes, and crawled in behind her. She turned in his arms, so they were face to face, and he wrapped both arms around her waist, and pulled her into his chest. They both sighed then, and she whispered, “God, I missed this. I missed your arms, your strength, feeling your heart beat.” He whispered, “I missed this, too. I didn’t realize how much until right this very minute.” Soon she was asleep, and he just stayed awake, staring at her beautiful face. He silently sent up a prayer of thanks that she was still here, and he had more time with her.

When Meryl woke up some time later, she was disoriented at first. She slowly blinked, letting her eyes focus. Then, she ran her eyes around the room; not the hospital. She then remembered that she was at home, and that Maks was with her, but he wasn’t in bed. She looked down at herself, and decided that she needed a shower. She got out of bed, and stripped off her pajamas, and left them on the edge of the bed. She then walked into the bathroom, and turned on the shower. She waited for the water to heat up, and then got in. As she stood there under the spray, letting the water run down her body, she just closed her eyes, and rested her head against the wall of the shower. She stood there for about 10 minutes before she got the courage to wash her hair. It felt so different, being shoulder length again. It hadn’t been that short since she was 14. As she was working the shampoo through her hair, she became aware of someone calling her name. Maks came charging in, looking worried. “Meryl, what are you doing?” She turned to him, looked down at herself and said, “Taking a shower?” “You know you are supposed to ask for help!” “No, I’m only supposed to make sure I don’t fall; I can take a shower without help. I did it in the hospital.” “Oh. Do you need help?” “Not really. Why were you looking for me?” “I wanted to tell you that your parents, Charlie and Tanith and his parents are coming over for dinner.” “What time is it?” “ 4” “When are they coming?” “7” “Ok. I’m ready to get out.” He hadn’t even noticed that she had rinsed her hair, put conditioner on it and soaped her body while they were talking. He walked over to her, carrying her towel. He reached out, wrapped her in it, and carried her through the bathroom to the bedroom. “Maks, you don’t have to carry me.” “I know; I want to though.” He set her on her feet, and she was looking for her scar cream. After she finished drying off she dropped the towel, and he watched her rub the cream down her chest, and then onto her abdominal scar. She then found clean underwear, and clothes, and pulled them on. “Mer?” “Yes?” “When did you stop being shy about nudity?” “Oh, in the hospital. Privacy was something I never had, and I got used to showering in front of someone real fast.” “Whom did you shower in front of?” “Whichever nurse was on duty when I decided to take one.” “Any guys?” “One, but he was so sweet. He told me that I really had to get used to touching my scar, and accepting it. He knew I couldn’t do it alone, so one day after my shower, but before I got dressed, he took my hand, and ran it down my chest. It was strange to feel my skin again, and know that there were still sutures in there, and the skin would be red and raised for quite some time.” “How long?” “How long what?” “How long will it be red?” “It’ll be thin and white within 2 years.” “Oh. Why so long?” “They cut me open, broke my sternum, spread my ribs, and operated on the one organ that provides blood to the entire body. That’s not an easy surgery to do under the best of circumstances, and then I had my head and my abdomen operated on during the same surgery. It will take some time for my body to heal, and that is both internal and external.” He looked overwhelmed; “How can you be so calm when talking about this?” “I got lucky, and found a great therapist. Her name is Sophie, and she also survived an accident very similar to mine. She knows what it feels like to heal from this, and what I need to be aware of. And, she knows how to help me get through the mini-crises that will be coming.” “Crises? What crises?” “Nothing that you need to worry about now. I’m in for an interesting ride, that’s for sure.” “Why won’t you tell me?” “Because you don’t need to worry and obsess over something that you can’t change. If you knew, you’d be a basket case.” “Please tell me.” “How about this? I’ll tell you as they come, and try really hard not to take out my feelings on you?” “That’ll work.” “Ok; let’s go downstairs. We need to start prepping for dinner.” “Oh no, princess _we_ are not prepping for dinner. _I_ am, and you are going to rest.” “Can I at least sit in the kitchen and talk to you while you do that?” “Sure.” Hand in hand, they walked down the hall together. They went into the kitchen, with Maks pulling out a stool for Meryl, and making sure she sat down. He got her a glass of water, and then he got to work, pulling things out of the fridge. “When did you go shopping?” “Today. You slept really well; I was gone for about an hour.” “What are we having?” “Italian.” “My favorite!” “I know; we are celebrating you coming home, as well as Tanith and Charlie’s pregnancy news.” “I’m so excited for them; they are going to be the best parents! What are we having for dinner?” “Chicken parmigiana, with green salad, garlic bread, and brownies for dessert.” “Wow; all of my favorites. Can I help?” “Why don’t you make the brownies?” “Okay.” Meryl got to work, pulling out the brownie mix, adding the ingredients, and mixing it all together. She put the brownies in the oven, set the timer, and sat back down. By then, Maks had the chicken ready, and was starting to put it all together. Then, the timer rang, and Meryl pulled the brownies out of the oven, and placed them on a cooling rack. Everything was ready, and only the dressing had to be added to the salad. The chicken was staying warm; the garlic bread was in as well. Meryl set the table, put candles on it, and got out the wine and sparkling apple cider. Just then, the doorbell rang. Meryl called over her shoulder, “I’ll get it”, as she jogged to the door. She opened it, and there were her parents and Jacqui and Big Charlie. “Hi guys!” she cried; and gave her mom and dad a huge hug. Cheryl and Paul wrapped their arms around their daughter, thankful to see her looking so alive. She squeezed them, wiping a few stray tears away, and then turned and hugged Jacqui and Big Charlie. The Whites also squeezed her tight, and she stepped out of their arms to say, “Go ahead and go on in. Maks has dinner almost ready; we’re still waiting for Charlie and Tanith.” “Why don’t you come in with us?” “I want to take a quick walk; I want to be outside.” She flashed them all a smile, reached into her pocket, held up her phone, and then turned and walked down the steps. She slowed her pace, and just enjoyed being alone for the first time in a few weeks. The setting sun, the trees, the sky, the neighborhood, the other people walking and enjoying being together; it felt so normal, and she was glad that she still felt happy; it had been hard for her to recognize some of her feelings. She hadn’t realized that she had stopped walking, and was leaning up against a tree, until she felt her pocket vibrate. She pulled her phone out, and saw that Maks was calling her. “Hey, sweetie, what’s up?” “Are you okay? Where are you?” “Maks, I’m fine. I’m just down the street. I needed a walk. I’m coming home now.” “Ok, see you when you get here.” She walked back home quickly, and let herself into her house. Maks grabbed her around the waist as soon as she got into the living room. “Don’t do that to me again! Please let me know if you are going to leave.” She pulled away from him, looked up into his face and said, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. I needed to walk a little bit.” She pressed herself onto her tiptoes, and kissed him. Just then, the doorbell rang again, and Meryl walked over and opened the door. Tanith entered first, using a different walker than she had, and Charlie followed. As soon as the door closed behind them, Charlie had Meryl wrapped up in a full body hug. He had his arms wrapped around her shoulders, hers around his waist, with her face pressed into his neck. He bent his head, and whispered something in her ear. She giggled, pulled away from him, and whispered something back. She squeezed him tight one more time, and then walked over to Tanith. She stood in front of her, looking a little uncertain. “Meryl? What’s wrong?” “I am just so happy that you are okay.” As Meryl stepped into Tanith’s arms, she whispered in her friend’s ear, “We need to talk later. I also have a favor to ask.” Tanith looked surprised, but while rubbing Meryl’s back whispered back, “ Just let me know when you want to talk.” Meryl nodded at her, showing that she understood, and quickly wiped a tear away.

Dinner that night was a lively affair. Everyone was talking, laughing, and just enjoying being together. Cheryl and Paul were thrilled to see their daughter looking so happy. Her cheeks were flushed, she was laughing, and you could barely see the cuts and bruises that were slowly fading from her skin. If she turned though, they could see the top of the red scar that showed how much she had been through in the past three weeks. Maks was sitting beside her, with his arm along the back of her chair, rubbing her shoulder and playing with her hair. He had a protective look in his eyes, but a gentle smile on his face as he looked at his fiancée. Charlie and Tanith sat opposite Meryl and Maks, and Charlie had to smile at both Meryl and Maks. He was happy to see Meryl looking so well; such a difference from the hospital. Maks too looked relaxed. He wasn’t under as much stress as before. Tanith was looking at Meryl with a sense of awe, and a little worry in her eyes. Charlie noticed this, and leaned over to whisper in her ear, “What’s wrong?” She shivered at the unexpected hit of his breath on her ear, but she whispered back, “I’m not sure; she said we needed to talk.” “What about?” “She didn’t say; she only said later, and she had a favor to ask.” Charlie pulled away then, and looked at his wife; he reached over, covered her hand with his, and squeezed gently, “I’m here for you both.” She squeezed back, and then dropped her hand onto her stomach, rubbing it lightly. Meryl stood up then, and started clearing the table. “We still have dessert to go.” Charlie got up then, saying, “Let me help you.” He grabbed a stack of plates, leaving Meryl to grab the food. As they worked together in the kitchen, putting way the leftovers, Charlie leaned into her and asked, “What do you need to talk to Tanith about?” She bit her lip, and quietly said, “If she feels any guilt over the accident. Something my therapist said today before I got discharged got me thinking…” “Oh. Why do you want to know?” “I want her to know that I don’t blame her at all, and that it is not her fault. The only person I’m mad at is the idiot who caused the accident in the first place. I’m worried that if my heart test shows that I can’t compete, that she would blame herself for it. I want her to know that I don’t blame her for anything; I’m just glad she’s okay, and your baby is okay.” Charlie took a deep breath, and with a little waver in his voice, asked, “When do you have the test?” “Next week.” “Are you worried?” “Not really; I just want to know. If I can’t compete…” her voice trailed off, and Charlie grabbed her hand, pulled her into his arms and said, “If we can’t compete, then we retire.” “Would you want to keep skating, with another partner?” He pulled away from her then, with a look of surprise on his face. He brings his hands to her face, forcing her to look into his eyes, as he whispered forcefully, “No, I don’t want another partner! You are the only girl I will ever compete with; our partnership means everything to me. I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else, and I can’t imagine ever wanting to.” Her lip quivered as she gasped, “Really?” He pulled her back into his arms, and breathed into her ear, “Really. You are the only ice partner I will ever want. You make me feel so special, and I can’t imagine ever having that chemistry with someone else. You know more about me than anyone, and I trust you with everything I have. That type of magic doesn’t happen often, and our relationship is just as special.” “You wouldn’t feel cheated?” Charlie gave a short laugh, and said, “Cheated? Meryl, we’ve had 20 years together. We’ve won every title and prize our sport offers, and we’ve won some pretty impressive awards outside of figure skating as well. There is nothing left to win, nothing left to prove. The only way I would feel cheated is if you had died of your injuries, and then I would have been cheated out of watching you get married, have kids, and everything else that makes life important.” Meryl grabbed Charlie in a hug, and whispered into his chest, “Then, we’ll be fine. You will always be my first and only choice for an on ice partner, the boy who touched my hand, then my heart, the teenager who made me feel beautiful, and the man who stood by my side and achieved every goal with me. You will always have a place in my heart and life, and I am so thankful for you, your friendship, and our partnership.” They both stood there, wrapped in each other’s arms, with tears silently running down their faces. They didn’t know how long they had been standing there, but a gentle throat clearing got them to turn around. They saw Tanith standing there, looking at them nervously. “You two have been a while, and I volunteered to come check on you.” She got closer, and saw their tears. “What’s wrong?” Charlie looked at Meryl, leaned into her, and whispered, “You might want to talk to her now.” “Can you bring a couple of stools over?” “Sure.” Tanith looked confused as Charlie grabbed two stools, and carried them into the kitchen. He helped her onto one, and put her leg on the other. He kissed her on the lips, and then walked out. Meryl hopped up onto the counter, and took a deep breath. “Tan, we need to talk.” “Sure. What about?” “Something my therapist asked me today, before I got discharged.” “What was the question?” Meryl looked down at her feet, and whispered, “If you feel guilty about the accident?” Tanith closed her eyes, and said quietly, “What did you say?” “I didn’t know. How could I not know that answer?” Tanith looked up then, and said hoarsely, “Of course I feel guilty! I was driving when we got hit. What could I have done differently? Could I have lessened the impact to you? Do you hate me? Do you blame me for the fact that you almost died, and that your skating career might be over?” She started crying then, and the next thing she knew, Meryl was right there next to her, with her arms wrapped her neck, hugging her tight. “No, I don’t blame you at all! Tan, look at me!” Tanith raised her head, and with tears shining in her eyes, held her breath. Meryl adjust her grip on her and said, “This is not your fault! The only person I blame, and am furious at, is the idiot that caused all of this. If my competitive career is over, then we will retire, and only do exhibitions. You got hurt too; it wasn’t just me. And, no, I don’t hate you. I wanted to say thank you for taking care of Charlie through out this whole thing. Because you calmed him down, he was able to focus on being able to help Maks. Once I woke up, he was the first person who I saw. He was always there, and he told me about you, what you went through, and I couldn’t help but worry that you hated me for keeping him from you. You’re his wife, his future. I’m his partner, and his past.” Meryl stopped then, so she could catch her breath. She was shocked when Tanith pulled her into her arms, and lap, and whispered fiercely in her ear, “ You are so much more than his skating partner. You will always have a special place in his heart and life, and that is fine with me. You are also a part of his future; he loves you as much as he loves me, but in a different way. I wanted him to be there for you, so I would have an idea of how much you would blame me for. Also, he was so worried; he didn’t know what to do. He needed to focus on us, and everything else would work out.” The girls just sat there for a minute, saying nothing. Then, Meryl cleared her throat, and said, “Now is the time to ask you for the favor that I was going to. Would you be willing to meet my therapist? She is great, and it may help you to ease the guilt you feel.” Tanith smiled, and said, “Sure, I’d love to meet her. I think I have some things to work out.” Meryl smiled, and kissed Tanith on the cheek, and said “Ok. I’ll call her tomorrow, and set something up for next week, the same day as my test.” Tanith rested her head on Meryl’s chest, and closed her eyes, listening to her heartbeat. “Mer?” “Yes?” “I’m so glad you’re here; I was so scared I would lose you before I got a chance to tell you how grateful I am for you.” “We have time; we can have as many conversations about anything that you want.” “Can we have brownies now?” Meryl laughed, and got up and said, “Yes. I think everyone has waited long enough.” Meryl helped her up, and then brought out the pan of brownies, bowls, and ice cream for those that want it.


	6. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tanith and Charlie see Meryl's scar.

“Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on.” ~ Henry Rollins

Tanith and Charlie wake up on Wednesday morning at the same time. “Charlie?” “Hmm?” “I have a question for you.” He turns towards her, wraps his arms around her and says, “Ask away.” “If Meryl can’t compete anymore, would you blame me for the end of your career with her?” He closes his eyes, and with a deep breath says, “No, I wouldn’t. We’ve had a great career, and have accomplished everything that we wanted, and even some things that we hadn’t intended to do. Why?” Tanith dropped her eyes and whispered, “Because you guys still could have contributed so much more to the sport. You could defend your gold medal, and set new records with fabulous programs as well.” “No decision can be made until the test. When is it?” “Today; I’m going to meet with her therapist while she’s getting it done.” He pulls away from her and says, “Why are you seeing her therapist?” She reached over, grabbed his hand and said, “To help ease the guilt that I feel that this is all my fault, that you hate me, she hates me, everyone hates me. To help me live with the knowledge of what has happened, and what will happen next.” Charlie just gathers her in his arms, kisses her on top of her head, and says, “None of this is your fault. If you need to talk to someone, that’s fine. I’ll support you no matter what.” She kisses his neck, and says, “Thank you.” She then pulls away, gets out of bed, and starts to get ready for the day.

When she gets to the kitchen, she sees a text from Meryl. **‘Hey Tan, remember you are meeting Sophie at 1; my appointment is at 12:30, and I’ll wait for you outside of Sophie’s office.’ ‘Ok. See you then.’** After she eats a light lunch, because she is feeling nervous and apprehensive, she goes back to the master bathroom, brushes her teeth, grabs a lightweight sweater, and then makes her way back to the kitchen. She grabs her purse, phone, and keys. She leaves a note for Charlie, reminding him of her afternoon plans, and then leaves the house. She drives over to the hospital, and it feels weird not to be a patient there. She pulls into a handicapped spot, puts her temporary placard up, and gets out of the car. She makes her way up to the office that Meryl told her about, and knocks on the door. It is opened by a pretty young woman, with brown hair, blue eyes flashing behind a pair of silver rimmed glasses, a nice smile, and who is taller than Tanith. The light blue sweater set emphasizes her eyes, and her black pants fit her well, showing that she has some curves, but has some muscle as well. A pair of black sandals was on her feet, and her toes have a nice shade of deep purple, with a flower on each big toe. The woman smiles, holding out her hand saying, “You must be Tanith, Meryl’s friend?” “Yes, I am.” “It’s nice to meet you; come on in.” Tanith follows her into her office, looking around. She is immediately struck by the photos on the wall; some of Italy, France, England, Scotland, and other places that she can’t quite identify. Behind the desk are framed degrees, showing PhDs, as well as MDs. Sophie leads Tanith over to the couch, having her sit in one corner, and telling her to put her leg up if she wants. She does, and sees Sophie sit next to her in a chair, and curl her legs under her. “So, Meryl told you that I wanted to meet with you, right?” “Yes, she did, but she didn’t explain why.” Sophie grinned, and then got serious. “I figured that Meryl didn’t know how you felt about the accident, and that when trauma happens to someone you love, you react one way. But, when you are involved in the trauma itself, you react in a completely different way. I also know from speaking with Meryl, what her uncertainties are about your relationship, and I wanted to make sure that you didn’t have the same ones.” “How do you know so much about this?” Sophie sighed and said, “I survived an accident very similar to yours. Only my injuries were closer to Meryl’s, but much more severe. The doctors couldn’t believe I even survived the impact, let alone the trip to the hospital, then the surgeries, and then some other things that were discovered once I was in the hospital.” Tanith looked over at her, and whispered, “You survived this?” “Yes, but I didn’t have anyone with me in the car. I had to deal with friend survivor guilt after the fact.” Sophie shook her head, and then got down to business. “So, Tanith, let’s start with the question I asked Meryl. Do you feel any guilt about the accident?” “Yes, of course I do! I was driving; could I have done something differently? Why did the car spin? Why did Meryl’s side take the brunt of the second impact? Does she hate me? Does she blame me? Did I end her career early?” Tanith is sobbing this, and Sophie gets up, grabs a box of Kleenex, hands it to her, and sits back down in the chair. She waits for Tanith’s sobs to slow down, and then stop. “Well, let’s start at the top. No, you couldn’t have done anything to change the outcome. The head on collision was enough to make the car un-drivable; the spin was caused by the angle of impact. It was just luck that Meryl’s side of the car took the brunt of the second impact with the support. There was a lot of pressure placed on both of your bodies’ at the time of impact; you had the steering wheel to hold onto; Meryl had nothing. Unfortunately, her chest took the brunt of the impact, and the penetrating injuries were the devastating part. The head injuries were a by-product of physics, and there is no arguing that. As for your other questions, have you asked Meryl?” “Yes, and she said she doesn’t blame me, she doesn’t hate me, and the only person she is mad at is the person who caused the accident. She says if she can’t compete, then she will just retire, and will only skate in exhibitions.” “Sounds like she has a plan.” Tanith giggled, and said, “She usually does. If it doesn’t go the way she wants, she will simply make a new plan, complete with lists of how to get there.” “Have you seen Meryl’s scar?” Tanith looks stunned, and looks at the floor while choking out, “No, and I don’t think I want to. It would make it real in a very different way.” Sophie made a humming sound, and said “But, it will help you, I think. It will help you realize that Meryl survived, and while she still has a ways to go, she will be the woman you knew from before. There will be some changes, but she will essentially be the same at the core of herself.” Tanith’s head flew up, and she asked, “Did you show your friends your scar?” Sophie nodded, and said, “It was hard for them, but once they saw that I was the same, I just had an ugly looking scar, I was still there, still alive, they started to accept it faster. I did tell them though, that my heart will always be damaged from this, and I would have to take some precautions, but that I am still the same.” She whispered to Sophie, “How do I ask to see her scar?” “Just ask her if she is comfortable with showing you.” “Ok.” Sophie glances down at her wrist, and says, “We’ve been talking for over an hour. Did you have anything else you wanted to cover now?” Tanith was stunned; it felt like she had only been there for 10 minutes. “No, nothing. Can I call you if something comes up?” “Sure you can. Let me give you my cell number, as well as my email. I always have my cell, and I’m pretty good about texting as well.” She hands Tanith a blue business card, with all of her contact information on it. “Tanith, a quick rule of thumb: if you are ever unsure how to deal with something with Meryl, just ask her, and then follow her lead. She will be the same in many ways, but there will be some glaring differences, not just the physical ones. Give her time, and get to know the wonderful person that she is now and don’t hold her to the person that she was.” “Ok, thank you Sophie.” They walk to the door together, and Sophie opens it, and Tanith walks through. Meryl is sitting in a chair out in the hall, playing on her phone. She looks up, smiles and says, “ All done?” Tanith turns to Sophie, balances quickly and hugs her. She turns back to Meryl, and says, “Yes, for today. If I need anything else, I can call.” Both women walk down the hall, chattering quietly. Tanith stops just inside of the doors to the main entrance, and asks, “Do you have plans for the rest of the afternoon?” Meryl looks down at her phone, checks her calendar and replies, “Nope. I’m all yours.” “Do you need to let Maks know?” “ Yeah, I should.” Meryl then texts Maks that she will be spending the afternoon with Tanith, and that she will get a ride back to her condo when they are done. “So, what now?” “Are you hungry?” “Yes; I couldn’t eat before my test; I was too nervous.” “Ok; you want to have lunch at the café two blocks from my house?” “Sure.” The two women get in the car, and drive over to the café. They both order, and have a nice, leisurely lunch. Tanith clears her throat when they are done, and asks, “Would you like to come over? I have a question that for you that Sophie suggested I ask.” “Sure.” They drive to the house in silence, and once they get inside Tanith starts getting nervous. Meryl walked in, dropped her purse on the couch, kicked off her shoes, and grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen. “What’s up, Tan? You seem awfully nervous.” Tanith looked down at her feet, and mumbled, “Can I ask you something personal?” “Yes.” “Would you feel comfortable showing me your scar?” “Only if I don’t have to do it in the kitchen.” Tanith turns, and walks down the hall towards the bedroom. She sits on the bed, looking at the floor. “Tan? Why so nervous?” “I’m scared.” “Of what?” “Scared to see what I did to you.” Suddenly, Meryl is sitting on the bed next to her, with her arms wrapped around her. “Tanith, you didn’t do this to me! It was an accident. A horrible accident, but just an accident.” Tanith rests her head on Meryl’s shoulder and sighs, saying, “I know it was, but I _feel_ so responsible. In a way, seeing your scar will be undeniable proof about how much hell you’ve been through. In a way, I don’t want you to hate me for putting you into this position.” “Oh, Tan, this isn’t your fault! I’ve never blamed you at all for this. It would have been so much worse if either one of us were alone in that car.” “But, we wouldn’t have even been there if I hadn’t wanted to spend time with you away from home!” “Tan, I don’t regret our close to home vacation. It was great just being with you, and not having to rush somewhere, or leave when the conversation was just getting good, because we had to go to bed early. I enjoyed just being friends, not skaters on a tour. Yes, our trip ended badly, but we made some great memories before then, and that is what I’ll remember.” “You can’t forget the accident, though.” “Of course I can’t. I have a reminder daily of it. But, I don’t have to let it define me. I survived, which is a miracle according to the police.” Tanith looked up at Meryl, and gave her a hug. She straightened up, and said, “I completely forgot to ask you about your test! How did it go?” Meryl made a face and said, “It wasn’t my favorite. I have good blood flow, and everything looks okay. I had an EEG, and an EKG, but they want an active one.” “How will they do that?” “I wear a portable EKG machine, then skate with Charlie.” “Have you scheduled that yet?” “Nope. I need to talk to Charlie, see if he is willing to do it. They want a baseline of me not skating, doing laps, and then doing some lifts and footwork. I can do some of that on my own, but I need a partner to lift me.” “He’ll say yes.” “I hope so. I’ll ask him as soon as I figure out how to bring it up.” Meryl then nudges Tanith’s shoulder, and says, “Didn’t you want to see my scar?” She nods, slowly, and whispers, “Only if you are comfortable showing me.” “How do you want to see it? The whole thing, or just a part of it?” “I think the whole thing, if you can do that.” “I sure can. No commentary about the bra, please.” Tanith looked up and smiled and said, “I’m not judging the lingerie, Mer. I love you, but not like that.” Meryl giggled, and said, “I love you, too.” Meryl got up from the bed then. As she took off her scarf, she started talking. “Just so you know, its red and raised. It looks ugly, but it will get thinner, and turn white. I also have one off to the side, which is from where they removed my spleen.” Tanith heard all of this, while Meryl unbuttoned her shirt. Meryl took a deep breath, and asked, “Are you ready?” Tanith said, “God, I hope so.” Meryl then peeled her shirt off of her shoulders, and set it on the bench at the foot of the bed. Meryl was wearing a light blue sports bra. Down the center of her chest was the scar. It looked like a child had drawn a line with a thick, red marker, and the skin around it was shiny. The rest of her torso was milky white, save for another scar, but this one was thinner, and located close to her stomach, a ways away from her side. Tanith stared for a minute, before asking, with a voice thick with tears, “Can I touch it?” Meryl stepped closer, and Tanith raised her hand, and then slowly withdrew it. “I can’t.” Meryl reached out, grabbed Tanith’s hand, and brought it to her chest. She ran it lightly down the scar, and then let go of it. Tanith then rested her hand on top of Meryl’s heart, smiled and said, “God, I am so glad that I can feel this.” “Feel what?” “Your heart. You have always been so loving, so generous with yourself, and I was having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that someone who does so much with their heart, would end up dying because it couldn’t be put back together.” Meryl reached up, covered Tanith’s hand with her own, and squeezed. “My heart may still fail yet. There was some damage, and I will have to be careful. It may take 40 years, but it may happen.” “Oh. Are you worried about that?” Meryl shrugs, and says, “Not really. My heart will be weaker than before, and it may take some time for any problems to develop.” “Okay.” Meryl then sits next to Tanith, and asks, “So, you’ve seen my scar; can I see yours?” Tanith looks up, and says, “You want to?” “If you can show me.” “You’ll have to help me; it’s still really awkward putting clothes on and taking them off. “Sure, I’ll help you.” Tanith reaches down, unbuttons her pants and pulls down the zipper. “Can you bring me a pair of shorts? I really don’t want to be in my underwear.” “Sure, where are they?” Following Tanith’s directions, Meryl grabs a pair of Charlie’s old gym shorts, and when she gets back to the bed, Tanith has gotten one leg off, but is waiting with the other leg still on. Meryl then gently pulls on the leg, while Tanith raises her hip off the bed. The leg comes off, and then Meryl gets both feet into the shorts, and helps Tanith put them on. Once they are on, Tanith rolls onto her right side, and Meryl can see a long, red line on Tanith’s thigh, going from her knee almost up to her hip. Meryl reaches out, softly asks, “May I?” and runs her hand lightly up her leg when Tanith nods. “Does it hurt?” “No; it just gets stiff. They nailed it from the inside, and there are screws in my knee and hip to keep everything in place.” “Oh. We are quite a pair, aren’t we?” “I guess we are.” Meryl lays on the bed next to Tanith and the only sound you can hear are two people breathing. “Mer?” “Yeah?” “Would you think I’m a horrible person if I say I need a nap?” “Do you mind if I take one with you?” “Not at all. Help me get comfortable?” “Sure thing.” Meryl scoots off the bed, and then walks around it, helping Tanith to lay down lengthwise. She grabs some pillows, and puts them under Tanith’s hip. Meryl then lies down next to her, and is quiet for a minute. “Mer?” “Hmmm?” “Would you mind if I rested my head on your chest?” “Not at all.” Meryl turns onto her left side a little more, and opens her arms. Tanith scoots closer, and rests her head on her chest. She falls asleep, listening to the steady beat of Meryl’s heart, while Meryl rubs her back lightly.

Charlie gets home around 5. The house is silent, which is odd. He walks in, calling “Tanith? Are you here?” He hears nothing, but when he walks into the living room, he turns on the light, and sees Meryl’s purse and shoes. “Meryl? Tanith? Where are you?” He walks quickly through the house, and just as he gets to the bedroom, he stops dead in his tracks. There on the bed, are the two women he’s been looking for. Tanith is asleep on her side, wearing an old pair of his gym shorts, and the shirt that she wore to the therapist’s office. Meryl is facing away from her, wearing only a sports bra and leggings. Charlie looks down at her, and gasps. It is his first time seeing her scar, and he can’t believe how long it is, and how red. Just then, Meryl turns over, and snuggles next to Tanith. Charlie looks down at the two of them, and decides to lay down with them. There is no room next to Tanith, so he decides to get in behind Meryl. He quickly pulls off his shirt, shoes and socks, and changes into a pair of gym shorts. He slowly crawls in behind Meryl, and places his glasses on the bedside table. He reaches out, and places one arm around her waist. Soon, he falls asleep as well. The next thing he hears is the faint ringing of a phone. He stumbles out of bed, grabbing his glasses, and looking for his phone. He finds it, and answers it while walking out of bedroom. “Hello?” “Charlie? It's Maks.” “Hey Maks.” “Do you know where Meryl is? I’ve been calling her, but not getting any answer.” “I do know where she is. She is currently in bed with my wife.” “Wait, what?” “They fell asleep at some point; they are still there.” “What about you?” “Apparently, our bed is big enough for three.” “You slept with them?” “Sure; we’ve done it before.” “Ok, I’m coming over to get Meryl.” “Don’t. Let them sleep a bit more. I can wake them up if they don’t get up soon, and I can bring Meryl home later.” “Ok. See you later.” Charlie hangs up the phone, and puts it in his pocket as he walks back to the bedroom. He decides not to go back to sleep, but to read. He gets back in bed behind Meryl, adjusts a pillow, and starts reading. He is engrossed in his book, and feels an unexpected, slight weight on his side, arm, and part of his chest. Meryl has rolled into him, and as he moves his arm to stretch, she cuddles up next to him, resting her head on his chest. She puts her arm across his waist, with her hand on his hip. He freezes, not sure if she is awake or not. He feels a sudden pressure on his hip, and he shudders. Meryl’s eyes fly open, and she looks stunned. “Charlie, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize…” “Shh, its okay. You and Tan both fell asleep, and I decided to read.” He holds up his tattered copy of _The Hobbit_ , and grins. She looks down at herself, and realizes she doesn’t have a shirt on. She blushes a deep pink, and starts searching for her shirt. Charlie puts the book down, and sits up. “Mer? Can I see your scar?” She sits up slowly, and says, “Sure.” She pushes her hair out of her face and then sits there. Charlie looks, and swallows before asking, “May I?” She nods, and then she feels his hand, running lightly down her chest. She shivers at his touch. “I’m sorry, was I pressing too hard?” “No; you are just the first man to touch me in a non-clinical way since I was discharged.” “Oh.” Charlie is puzzled by this piece of news. Hasn’t Maks touched her at all? Hasn’t anyone hugged her? “Meryl?” “Hmm?” “Hasn’t anyone hugged you since you’ve been home?” “Yes, but not skin on skin.” “Oh.” “What’s oh?” “I would have thought Maks has done what I did.” “He did, and only once. He ended up wrapping his arms around my waist, with his head on my chest. Your hand is still on me, and you haven’t pulled away.” “Do you want me to?” “No. I like the feel of your hand; its normal and comforting.” They both were silent after that. Tanith made a sound, and both partners turned toward her. She was blinking, and sat up as well. “So, this is where the party is, huh?” Charlie answered, “Yes. I got home and you two were sound asleep.” “Hey, we were tired!” Meryl protested. She then crawled over Charlie, and went into the bathroom, grabbing her shirt on the way. When she came back out, it was on again, and she sat on the foot of the bed, saying, “I have to get home. Can one of you give me a ride?” Tanith nodded at Charlie, and he said, “Sure. Let me grab my shirt, shoes and keys, and we can go.” Meryl crawls over to Tanith wrapped her in her arms and said, “I’m glad we talked. Thank you for seeing Sophie; I hope she helped.” Tanith squeezed her and said, “Yes, she did. Thanks for the recommendation. I’ll see you soon?” “Yep. Just try and get rid of me!” “Like I’d ever want to?” Meryl then scoots off the bed, and out into the living room. She checks her phone, and saw that she had 8 missed calls from Maks. She texted him, saying she was getting ready to leave. In the car on the way to her house, she leans against the window and says, “Charlie? I have a question for you.” “Shoot.” “Would you be willing to skate with me for an active EKG?” “What’s that, and why do you need it?” “I had an EKG today, and while everything looks fine, Dr. Carroll wants an active EKG to see what my heart does when I skate. He wants me to do laps, as well as footwork, step sequences and lifts. The only thing I can’t manage on my own is the lifts.” “How would they do that?” “I wear a portable EKG machine, and then we skate. Dr. Carroll will then look at the machine, or the reader, and see if I can keep competing.” “When is it?” “I haven’t scheduled it yet; I wanted to check with you first.” He reached over, grabbed her hand, and said, “Schedule it for whenever you want. I will skate with you anytime I can.” “Even for the test that will decide if we keep competing?” “Especially then.” “Ok, I’ll call him in the morning and let you know what he says.” They arrived at Meryl’s house, and she leaned over, kissed Charlie on the cheek and said, “Thanks for everything! And thanks for letting me sleep with your wife!” “Don’t get used to it!” She just shook her head, opened the door, and got out. She walked up to her front door, and she waved as she let herself in. Charlie made sure the door closed behind her before he drove away.


	7. Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a sad chapter. Tanith miscarries the baby; that is your first tissue warning!
> 
> The song that I quoted is: "I'm Going to Love You Through It" by Martina McBride  
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

When you’re weak, I’ll be strong  
When you let go, I’ll hold on  
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes  
When you feel lost and scared to death,  
Like you can’t take one more step  
Just take my hand, together we can do it  
I’m gonna love you through it

August 30, 2017

Tanith wakes up that Wednesday morning, feeling pretty good. Her leg isn’t as achy as it has been in the past, she can put a little more weight on it, so that means that she can sleep on her left side for short periods of time. She gets out of bed, grabs her crutches, and then goes into the bathroom. She showers, and then gets ready for her day. Charlie isn’t home; he is back in class, so he can finish his degree. She has an appointment with her orthopedist, and is looking forward to hearing about how the bone is healing. She gets herself together, then leaves, and drives to the hospital. Once she gets there, and checks in with Dr. Abbott’s office, she pulls out her phone to text both Meryl and Charlie. She needs to tell Charlie that she’s in her appointment, and Meryl that she is looking forward to a movie night on Friday. The nurse calls her, and she crutches her way back. She sits on the exam table, and answers all of the nurse’s questions. Dr. Abbott then comes in, chatting about how she’s doing. “So, Tanith, are you ready for yet another x-ray to make sure everything is healing normally?” “I guess. Why do I have to have so many x-rays again?” “We are making sure that your bone is healing, there is no infection, and no irritation from the hardware.” “Still doesn’t mean it’s my favorite thing to do.” She then sits there, while Dr. Abbott moves the portable x-ray machine around her leg. He gets his pictures, then goes off to print them from the computer. He comes back in with a bunch of scans, and smiles at her, “You look good. So good in fact, you don’t have to come in for 6 weeks.” “Really?” “Yep; you are healing nicely.” “Ok, I’ll schedule that before I leave.” She gets off the table, grabs her things, and makes her way out the door. She is standing in front of the desk, when she feels a sudden, sharp, twisting pain in her lower abdomen. She gasps, and bends over, hugging herself. “Tanith? What’s wrong?” She can barely gasp, “I don’t know. Sharp pain in my abdomen.” “You’re pregnant right?” “Yes.” Just then, another pain hits her, and she falls on the floor. Luckily, she lands on her right side, not her broken left. The nurse runs around from the desk, looks at her, and then tells her, “You’re bleeding; you might be having a miscarriage.” The next thing she knows, she is down on the obstetrics floor, which was closer than the ER. She is trying to process what is going on, and tells a nurse to please call her husband, and her best friend. One of the nurses then tells her that there isn’t time to call anyone; she’s bleeding too much, too fast. Time passes in a blur, and she passes out at some point. Eventually, she is settled on a different floor, and a doctor comes in and tells her that she’s sorry, but she lost the baby. Tanith curls up into herself, saying I know. She finds out what floor she’s on, what room she’s in, and then sits up to make one of the most difficult phone calls of her life. “Meryl?” Hey, Tanith, what’s going on?” “I’m in the hospital; I had a miscarriage.” “Oh, God, Tan, I’m so sorry! What can I do?” “I need you to find Charlie, tell him, and bring him here.” “Of course, I’ll leave now, and get to you as soon as we can.” Tanith gives her the details of where to come, and waits for them to get here. Meryl can barely see, she’s crying so hard. She makes the drive to Ann Arbor quickly, and finds a spot to park on campus. She then checks her reflection, trying to hide the fact that she’s been crying. She picks her phone up, and dials Charlie’s number from memory. “Charlie.” “Hey Meryl, what’s up?” “Where are you?” “I just got out of class. Why?” “Tanith called me; she had an emergency.” “Is she okay? Is the baby okay?” “She’s fine, but she had a miscarriage.” All she hears is silence. “Charlie?” “Where are you?” “Sitting in my car on campus waiting for you to tell me where to pick you up so I can take you to her.” “Where are you?” “By the library” “Ok, I’ll be there in 2 minutes.” He hung up, and then made sure he had everything, and ran to the parking lot by the library. Meryl pulled up to the curb, he threw open the door, jumped in, and she pulled away quickly. “Do you know what happened?” “Nope. She called and told me, and then asked me to find you, and get you to her. I don’t think she wants you driving.” “What about my car?” “Leave your keys with me; I’ll call my parents, and we will get your car, and Tanith’s car, to your house.” Charlie just sits there, shocked, with tears running down his face. It’s a quiet drive to the hospital, and Meryl parks, and meets Charlie at the front of her car. She grabs his hand, and leads him into the hospital. She obviously knows where she’s going, since she doesn’t ask for directions at all. Soon, they arrive outside her room. Meryl takes a deep breath, squeezes Charlie’s hand, and leads him in. She walks straight over to the bed, reaching out to hug her friend saying, “He’s here, and he knows.” She then squeezes Tanith, kisses her on the cheek and walks out.

Charlie watches Meryl leave, then turns to her, gathers her in his arms, and they cry together. After they have both calmed down, he sits on the bed next to her, grabs her hand and gasps, “What happened?” “I don’t know. I had an appointment with Dr. Abbott to check and see how my leg is healing, and I got a great report. I was making my next appointment, when I was doubled over in pain. I fell on the ground, and that’s when the nurse told me I was bleeding, and that I might be having a miscarriage. I was taken to obstetrics, because it was closer than the ER, and everything happened there.” “Did you feel that anything was wrong?” “No; I felt great today. My leg pain is easing, the stiffness is going away, and I can lie on my left side for brief stretches of time.” He smiled, and squeezed her hand. “I’m glad that your leg isn’t bothering you as much anymore.” Before Tanith could respond, a doctor walked in. “Tanith?” ”Yes?” “Hi, I’m Dr. Bradley, I treated you today.” “Hi. This is my husband, Charlie.” “Nice to meet you.” “Well, I have some news for you. Since you were 10 weeks along, we couldn’t tell what gender your baby was. We can tell you though, that we know why this happened.” “Why did it happen?” “Your accident. Because you were driving, your body hit the airbag, steering wheel, and the seatbelt pulled very tight across your lower abdomen. Normally, this is not a problem. However, it caused the placenta to move away from the uterus. Nothing ripped, ruptured, or leaked. You had no way of knowing that this was happening. Even with the ultrasound, it wasn’t noticed.” “Why did this happen now, though? My accident was weeks ago.” “We are assuming a miscarriage; that caused a sudden loss of uterine volume. Then, you started to bleed. You are lucky that you were here; if you had been somewhere else, you could have bled to death.” Charlie looked sick at that news. “She could have died? Again?” “Yes. It doesn’t happen frequently, but it can happen. Some of the stress of the accident finally caught up with you.” “Are we still able to have kids?” “Yes. I would wait a little, let your body completely heal from this and let your hearts heal as well. Then, try again.” “Thank you Dr. Bradley.” She gave them a smile before walking out of the room. “Charlie?” “Hmm?” “Would you go find Meryl please?” “Sure. We’ll be back soon.” Charlie walked out of Tanith’s room in a daze, not really paying attention to where he was going. He walked out to the nurse’s station, to find out what floor he was on, and what room she was in. He had been following Meryl blindly when they got there. He made a note, and checked his phone. He decided to text her, so she wouldn’t see him cry again. **‘Hey, where are you?’ ‘Cafeteria’ ‘Ok; I’m coming to find you.’** He put his phone away, and walked to the cafeteria with his head down, hands in his jeans pockets. He walked in, spotted her immediately, and walked over to her. She stood up, and just wrapped him in her arms. She held him while he cried, and rubbed his back, letting him get it all out. She handed him a tissue, and sat down. He wiped his eyes, blew his nose and sat down across from her. “She wants to see you.” “Ok. I’ll go in a minute. How are you?” “Numb. Shocked. Sad. I don’t really know.” “Do they know why she lost the baby?” “The accident led to the placenta to pull away from the uterus, which ruptured today. She would have bled to death had she not been here.” “Oh, God.” “I almost lost her twice.” “But, you didn’t. She’s still here.” “Yeah, she is. I just don’t know when to try for kids again.” “What did the doctor say?” “To let her body heal, and to let both of our hearts heal.” “Sounds like a good idea.” Just then, a woman Charlie didn’t know approached their table. “Meryl?” She looked up, and smiled. “Hey, Sophie, how are you?” “Good. What brings you here?” She glanced at Charlie, leaned forward and whispered, “His wife just had a miscarriage.” “Oh, no, I’m so sorry.” She turned to Charlie, and said, “Your wife is Tanith?” He looked surprised and just nodded. She looked at him, looked at Meryl, and nodded to her. Meryl got up saying, “I’m going to go see Tanith. I’ll catch you guys later.” “Sorry Charlie. She needs to see her friend, and you..” He cleared his throat, whispering, “And me?” “I think you need to come with me right now.” He got up blindly, and followed her. She led him to her office, and ushered him in, and sat him on the couch. “Ok, I know you have questions for me.” “How do you know Meryl? And Tanith?” “I am Meryl’s therapist. I suggested that she ask Tanith to come see me when I realized there might be guilt about the accident. I have only talked to Tanith once, and that was about her feelings about the accident.” “Oh.” “Do you want to talk about what happened today?” “I don’t know if I can.” “Can you at least answer some questions?” “I’ll try.” “How far along was she?” “10 weeks.” “Do they know what happened?” Charlie told Sophie what Dr. Bradley had told him and Tanith. She was silent for a minute. “Charlie? Has Meryl or Tanith told you anything about what types of counseling I provide?” He looked up and shook his head. “I’m a grief counselor, as well as a psychologist and psychiatrist. I have a personal connection to the type of accident Meryl and Tanith were in, but my injuries were more similar to Meryl’s.” “You’re a grief counselor?” “Yes. I specialize in cases where the death was sudden and unexpected.” “Oh.” “Yeah; it’s not easy helping people deal with that type of pain. Especially when it is recent, and completely out of the blue. The hardest ones though are when children are lost.” “I can imagine.” “But, it’s especially hard for you.” “What do you mean?” “As a man, you are supposed to protect your family. Your wife and kids are the most important things to you. In one day, you not only lost your first child, you almost lost your wife again, and that is something that you can’t imagine.” “How did you know?” “I felt something similar when I lost two pregnancies. Very different circumstances though.” “What was the hardest part?” “Not knowing who my kids would or could be. I had no knowledge if I was having a girl or boy. Who would they be like? What would their personality be like? But the hardest thing was what could have been.” “What do you mean?” “Just wondering what could have been. Would my child have been a famous athlete? A humanitarian? A scholar? What will the world miss by my child not being a part of it, and how different would I be if I was a parent right now?” He just sat there, stunned. How did a stranger know exactly what he was thinking and feeling? “Do you have kids now?” “No. The marriage that produced them ended, and I was put off with the idea of kids for a while. Then, I did some major soul searching and realized that the desire to have kids had passed, and I was content not to go down that route.” “Do you still think about them?” “Sometimes. When kids who would be their age have milestones.” “Oh. What do I do now?” “The only thing you can. Support Tanith through this, let her body heal, and let both of your hearts ease a bit. You will never completely get over this, but it won’t be so raw, and hurt so bad. Then, decide when you want to start trying again, and enjoy each other.” “Who will support me? “Tanith, Meryl. And, if you want, I can.” “Thank you, Dr.?” “Oh, Brooks. Sophie Brooks.” “Thank you Dr. Brooks.” “Sophie, please.” “Ok, Sophie.” She gave him a business card, and walked him to the door. “If you, Tanith or Meryl need anything, don’t hesitate to call, email or text.” “Thank you Sophie. We won’t forget.” She hugged him, and he made his way back to Tanith and Meryl. Once he reached Tanith’s room, he made sure his eyes were clear, and he walked in to the two most important women in his life. Meryl was sitting in the chair next to Tanith’s bed, holding her hand. They were talking, and both turned to look at him as he came in. Meryl smiled at him and said, “Sorry I turned you over to Sophie with no explanations.” Tanith looked interested and said, “Sophie? You took him to see Sophie?” “No; she came up to us in the cafeteria. I then left to come see you, and Sophie took charge of Charlie.” “What did you think of her, honey?” Charlie sighed, rubbed his head and whispered, “She’s amazing. She articulated my thoughts and feelings, even the ones I didn’t know I had. She is so understanding, so calm. I can’t believe she is a grief counselor, and specializes in sudden deaths. It’s like God put her here for all of us to lean on.” Both women were silent, and knew they were thinking the same thing.


	8. Now What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meryl feels lost, has an identity crisis, and a meltdown. 
> 
> Song: "Dark Side"- Kelly Clarkson  
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Everybody's got a dark side, do you love me  
Can you love mine?  
Nobody's a picture perfect, but we're worth it  
You know that we're worth it

Will you love me even with my dark side

Don't run away, don't run away  
Just tell me that you will stay  
Promise me you will stay

October 5, 2017

Meryl seems off, somehow. Charlie hasn’t seen her this preoccupied in a long time: since before Sochi, actually. With their competitive careers over, she shouldn’t be feeling stressed. He decides to talk to her the next time they are alone. After his classes are over, and her meetings with her advisor and department chair, Meryl finds him in the library, and sits across from him. “Hey, did you have any pressing plans tonight?” He looks at her, surprised. “No, I don’t.” “Would you be able to catch a different ride home? I have some stress to burn off, and I need to clear my mind.” “How are you going to do that?” She looks at him shrugs, “Same way as always. Skate.” “Do you mind some company?” “Normally I’d say no, but not this time. I need to be alone.” “Ok. I’m only a phone call away if you need me.” “Thanks, Charlie.” He watches her get up and walk away from him. Her head is down, shoulders hunched, and she looks like she’s staggering under the weight of the world. He sighs, and picks up his phone. He texts Tanith, **‘Can you come pick me up on campus?’ ‘Sure, when do you need to be picked up?’ ‘As soon as you can get here; something’s up with Mer.’**

Meryl drives on autopilot. She has no idea how she got to the rink; she doesn’t remember the drive at all. She pulls her skate bag out of the trunk, and walks into Arctic Edge. A sense of belonging welcomes her; no matter how far she goes away, or how long it’s been, the ice has always been there for her. She goes into the locker room, puts her stuff away, and then puts her skates on. As she walks towards the ice, she is automatically transported back in time, remembering all of the times she has done this. While she’s skating her mind clears, and wanders. She finds herself thinking of Maks, and her accident. Or, more specifically, what hasn’t happened since her accident. It’s been three months, and Maks hasn’t made love to her in all of that time. Of course, after he went back to New York, it was hard to get time together, but even when he was here, nothing had happened. She could understand right after her accident, but not this long. Did he not want her anymore? Did he not find her attractive anymore? Is he bored? Repulsed by her scars? Think she’s ugly? Her mind flashed to when she would take a shower; he would make no move to join her, just make sure that she didn’t fall. Even after she got the all clear for everything except skating, still nothing. He would come to bed after she was asleep, and get up before her. He would hug her, and kiss her forehead, and once in a while on the lips, but there was never any passion in it. Soon the rink is blurry, and she realizes that she’s crying. She gets herself off the ice before she hurts herself, and sits down on a bench. As she takes deep, heaving breaths, she realizes she’s in trouble, and won’t be able to drive home. She stands up, and walks to the locker room, where she pulls off her skates, and puts her ballet flats on. She grabs her phone from her purse, and dials a very familiar number. She waits for two rings, and then the phone is picked up. “Meryl? What’s going on?” “Charlie, I’m a mess.” “What’s wrong?” “I can’t drive home. I was skating, and I overwhelmed myself. My heart is racing, and I’m dizzy.” “Ok, I’m on my way.” “Wait! You need someone to bring you; I need someone to drive my car to my house.” “Well then, Tan and I are on our way.” “Thank you, Charlie. I owe you both big time.” “Charlie? What’s wrong?” “Meryl’s in trouble.” “What happened?” “She was skating, and overwhelmed herself. She’s dizzy and her heart is racing.” “Ok, we need to go, don’t we?” “Yep; I have to drive her car to her house.” They leave the house, exchanging worried glances the whole drive to Canton. When they pull up, Meryl is sitting in her car, just staring straight ahead. She doesn’t acknowledge them, which makes them both exchange concerned glances. “Mer? You okay?” The next words out of her mouth make both of their hearts freeze in their chests; “I wish that I had died in the accident.” With that, Charlie pulls Meryl out of her car, crushes her to him, and just hangs on with everything he has. Tanith just stands there, leaning on her cane. She has tears running down her face. She takes a quick breath, and whispers to Charlie, “Get her in the car, and home. We are not leaving her tonight.” Charlie puts Meryl in the passenger seat of her car, buckles her in, and then runs around the car to the driver’s side. He gets in, adjusts everything, and then drives to Meryl’s condo, with Tanith following right behind him. They pull up, and Meryl makes no move to get out of the car. Tanith parks their car, and goes to grab Meryl’s things. She grabs her skate bag, and carries Meryl’s purse. She finds Meryl’s keys, and opens the door, allowing Charlie to walk in carrying Meryl. He sets her down on the couch, and she just pulls her knees into her chest, resting her chin on top of them, and staring at something neither one can see. Charlie and Tanith look at each other, wondering what to do. He jerks his head in the direction of the kitchen, and she follows him. “Tan, what are we going to do? I’ve never seen her like this before.” “I have no idea. Do you think we should get her to talk?” “I don’t know if she will even open up.” “Does she usually say what is bothering her that directly?” “No. Maybe we have a chance.” “Ok. Do you want to talk to her, or do you want me to?” “I’ll start; just feel free to jump in whenever.” “Ok. Let’s go.”

They walk back out to the living room, to find Meryl has kicked off her shoes, and has her phone in front of her on the coffee table. She looks up as they come in, and tears promptly fill her eyes. “I am so sorry you guys for making you come rescue me.” Charlie sits next to her, grabs her hand and says, “Don’t worry about it. But, we need to talk about what you said when we picked you up.” “You mean when I said that I wished I was dead?” Charlie drops his head, squeezes her hand and chokes out, “Yes.” Meryl then drops her knees, turns towards Charlie, and pulls him into her arms. He wraps his arms around her, pulls her tight to him, and cries. Tanith sits on the other side of Meryl, and wraps her arms around her husband and best friend, and cries as well. After they all calm down, Meryl grabs the box of Puffs off the table, and hands some to both Tanith and Charlie. Tanith then breaks the silence by saying, “Mer, why would you say that?” “Because being rejected for surviving doesn’t feel so good, either.” “Who has rejected you?” “Maks.” As soon as she says his name, she breaks completely down in Tanith’s arms. It is all she can do to keep her friend steady. Her whole body is shaking with sobs, her breath is erratic, and Tanith can feel her heart racing. Tanith knows that her racing heart can’t be good for her and sharply says, “Meryl! You need to calm down, now!” Not five seconds after she says that, she sees Meryl’s eyes roll back in her head, and she completely passes out. Tanith barely has time to say, “Charlie, help me!” Then he is there, scooping Meryl off Tanith, and carrying her into her bedroom. Tanith follows him as quickly as she can, and sits down on one side of her, Charlie on the other. They are both staring at her, wondering what to do next. Before they can make a decision, Meryl wakes up. She looks at them, looks around her room, and said, “I passed out didn’t I?” “Yes, you did. Luckily Charlie caught you before you fell off the couch; I was losing my grip, fast.” “Sorry about that. That is what I was trying to avoid at the rink. Thankfully, that didn’t happen.” “Back to business. Why did you say that Maks has rejected you? The engagement is still on, right?” “I will only tell you two on two conditions. 1) You never breathe a word of this to anyone, ever, and 2) You let me at least sit up.” Tanith and Charlie exchange a look, and say, “Deal. Now, spill.” Meryl sits up, and rearranges the pillows against the headboard, and both Charlie and Tanith do the same on either side of her. “I feel that Maks has rejected me romantically. Since the accident, the only time that he has physically touched me is the day I came home from the hospital, and he saw my scar, and felt it. He wrapped his arms around my waist, rested his head on my chest and cried. That has been the only time he’s touched me. He will hug me, kiss me on my forehead, and that’s it. He doesn’t wrap me in his arms when we sleep, we never shower together, and sex hasn’t happened since before all of this.” Charlie muttered under his breath, “The man is an idiot.” Tanith agreed with him. “Wait, Mer, he hasn’t touched you in three months?” “Nope. I feel like I have a roommate whenever we are together. At this rate, I have no desire to even be with him, let alone marry him.” Tanith whispered, “Wow. You never give up on anyone; this has got to be a first.” “Do you blame me?” “Of course not! I would feel the same. Granted, I didn’t feel sexy or desirable right after, and then the miscarriage happened.” Meryl took a deep breath, and stared at her hands and asked, “But you guys have had sex since then, right?” Charlie chuckled, and said “Sure, once I got over my fear of hurting Tanith.” “Wait, you mean you were afraid of hurting me?” “Umm, yes, dear. Traditional sex wasn’t an option at first, and oral is nice, but it just isn’t the same.” “If you don’t mind me asking, dear, how did you get over it?” “Simple, sweetie. I put my embarrassment aside, and asked for help.” “Who did you ask?” “Our favorite therapist. I didn’t want to ask any doctor, but I did ask Dr. Bradley after Sophie made me realize I was being an idiot. Dr. Bradley put me at ease, and addressed my concerns. Sophie basically told me the same thing.” “Which was?” “I needed to tell you to please let me know if I hurt you, or you were uncomfortable. Once I realized that, I felt much better about everything.” “Oh, that makes sense. If it makes you feel better, I was scared as well.” “Really? Why?” “Same reasons. My main concern was my leg; I wasn’t aware of how much you use your legs and thighs, and to have one out of commission brings it home.” Meryl chuckled at this exchange. “Umm, guys, that just proved my point.” “Which point?” “That I feel un-loveable. I mean, if my fiancé can’t, or won’t make love to me, what man would?” “A man who can see past the scar to the wonderful woman who has it.” “And which man would that be?” “ I still think its Maks. He may have his reasons. You have to ask him.” “You want to know something really sad?” “Which is?” “You two have touched me more than he has.” “Wait, really?” “Yes. Do you remember when I came over the day you met Sophie, Tanith?” “Of course I do.” “I showed both of you my scar. Tanith, you ran your hand down it, then rested your hand on my chest, above my heart. Before we fell asleep, you laid your head on my chest, and just listened to my heart beat. Charlie, when I woke up from my nap, you had to have seen it; I wasn't wearing a shirt, only a sports bra and leggings. You asked if you could touch it, and you ran your hand down it, but then kept your hand on my waist. I know I told you then that you were the first man to touch me in a non-clinical way since my discharge. That is still true.” Tanith just shakes her head saying, “The man really is an idiot. Is there any other reason that you would wish to have died that night?” Meryl gives a dry, humorless laugh, and says, “Many. You two don’t want to know them all.” “Try us.” “It’ll be tough to hear, I must say.” “Would you just tell us? We’ll be quiet until you’re done, honest.” “Fine. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, though. I feel like a burden on everyone. You two would be happier without me. And, what do I have left? The only reason that I had sponsors was I won a shiny medal that said I was the one half of a great pair, which was the best in the world, at one point in time. I can’t ever be that again, so which company would want me to endorse their products? How am I going to support myself? It feels like all I have is memories and the past, and the present is hazy, and the future, unfathomable.”

The whole time Meryl was speaking, both Tanith and Charlie were looking more shocked, upset, and horrified. When she was done, there was an odd silence. The only sounds were ragged breathing, and quiet sobs. Meryl was trying not to hyperventilate; it was weird, putting the worst thoughts out there, but it felt liberating as well. Tanith was crying quietly, but Charlie was barely holding himself together. He locked eyes with his wife over Meryl’s head, and she knew she had to start talking. Charlie needed to calm down, or else he would start crying and not be able to stop. “Oh Mer, I’m glad you told us what was on your mind. I can assure you though, that we would not be happier without you. Putting aside your partnership for two minutes, I would miss one of the most caring, gentle, generous and beautiful souls that I have ever known. You are so much more than an athlete; the drive, focus and determination that gave you one of the sports worlds’ best prizes, will also help you in anything else that you do. Your ability to plan, strategize, and come up with alternative options to any situation is something I wish I could do. You prefer your actions to speak for you, when your words seem inadequate. But, I want to talk about your partnership with Charlie. God, you two are magic on the ice. You are so connected to each other, the music, and the ice. You are two halves of one whole. Meryl, you are the grace and elegance, while Charlie is the strength and exuberance. What one lacks, the other has. Even though you can’t compete anymore, you still have that connection that I have never seen. Also, you have the most beautiful friendship. You have been in each other’s lives for over 20 years. That’s a lot of life and love that it takes to get to that point. You’ve seen each other at your best, worst, and everything in between. I am so glad that I met you, and that was possible because of skating.” Here, Tanith had to stop, since she was crying, and her voice was starting to shake. Meryl squeezes her hand, just before Charlie takes her other one. “Mer, bear with me. I’m going to try and hold it together, but I make no promises. You are not a burden on anyone. We all love you, so much. I am so thankful that you didn’t die that night, for so many reasons. The main one being, I would miss the wonderful person that you are. You and I balance each other out, so well. You are quiet, driven, serious, goal-oriented, and so many other things on the ice. Off the ice, you are sweet, kind, gentle, patient, and you can be whom you truly are, not playing a role. Some of my favorite memories of us are the ones that have happened off the ice. The time we had a water balloon fight when we were 10; doing homework after practice; the first person at the rink brings the coffee, and so many other things I can’t begin to list them all. But, I knew when I was 17, that you were going to be my only on ice partner, ever. I had broken my ankle at that hockey tournament, and when the doctors told me I couldn’t skate for at least 6 weeks, I was devastated. I was also worried that you would want to partner with someone else, someone who could still skate. I can’t tell you how relieved I was when you came over after I had been discharged, and told me that you weren’t going to be breaking up our partnership. I knew right then, you are the only girl that I would ever want to compete with. After I quit hockey and singles, I wanted to prove to you that I was worthy of your time, trust, and talent. I put more effort into training, and it started showing, immediately. Then, we started getting really good, and moving up in the standings.” He had to stop here, and breathe. He swallowed, and then continued. “After Sochi, I was on cloud 9, because of what we had accomplished, together. Then, came Dancing With The Stars. It was so nice to just be able to not have any self-applied pressure to be amazing. It was wonderful to watch you develop into the strong, sexy, and confident woman that you are; you just know it now. I have Maks to thank for that. Also, I was so excited for you when you won; it showed that you can stand on your own, and you didn’t need me to be successful.” He stopped talking, and then dropped Meryl’s hand, in order to pull her into his chest. “I was not the only person so worried about you the night of your accident. Your parents had this look of fear that I have never seen before; my parents had the same one. Maks looked like his world was about to end. When the doctor told your dad and I what you were facing, I felt so empty and alone. I couldn’t believe that you were hurt that bad, and that if your injuries got worse, there would be nothing that medicine could do for you. I felt alone, because one of the most important people in my life was not able to hold my hand, be by my side, and help me through it. You had been there for everything else, and you couldn’t help me. I felt better knowing Tanith was going to be okay, but it was still a lot to take in. Then, you survived the surgery. Some how, you made it through something that most people wouldn’t have. We learned that your brain was okay, and some how, your heart survived intact. Seeing you in that bed was like a sucker punch to the gut; I knew how bad it was, but I wasn’t prepared to see you lying there like a statue. No warmth in your hands, your skin cool to the touch; it was horrible. And then, you woke up. I was so afraid I was dreaming. You squeezed my hand, and talked to me, and knew who I was, and you saw I was upset, and you knew how to comfort me. I was so thankful that you were still here; I was willing to handle anything else that could happen. The fireworks have never been as beautiful as they were that night.” Charlie completely breaks down at this point, and just pulls Meryl tighter into him. She lies in his arms, running her hands up and down his back, making soothing noises in his ear. Once he calms down, she pulls out of his arms, climbs off the bed, and grabs the Puffs box off of her dresser. She hands it to him, and she settles back on the bed as he uses a few tissues to dry his eyes and face, and blow his nose. Then, she takes a deep breath and says, “I feel horrible for asking you guys for anything else, but would you stay tonight? I think I just need someone here; I’ve been feeling so alone lately.” Tanith grabs her shoulders, pulls her into her body and, “Of course we’ll stay”, comes out in a whisper. “So, who’s sleeping where?” “Do you want someone to sleep with you, or stay until you fall asleep?” “I’m torn. On one hand, I want someone to stay until I fall asleep, but on the other hand, I want someone to fall asleep next to me, and be able to hold me if I need it in the night.” “Charlie, why don’t you start out in the guest room, and I’ll start here with Meryl. Then, we can switch around 2 or 3?” “Sounds like a plan. Does that work for you, Meryl?” “Yep. Let me go lock up, get something to drink, and grab my phone.” Meryl walks out of her room, and looks over her shoulder and smiles at her friends on her bed. “God, Tan, I have never been so scared in my life.” Tanith reaches over, wraps her arms around her husband and whispers, “Me either. I hope she is able to sleep tonight. Hope you don’t mind I volunteered you for the guest room first.” “Not at all; I’ve had a long day, and some good sleep will help me.” “Ok guys, you ready for bed? Charlie, I put extra towels in the guest bathroom for your shower in the morning. The bed is ready for you to get in. Tan, I have some things that you can make work for pajamas. Do you need anything else?” Charlie and Tanith exchange a look, smile, and Charlie says, “Nope, you covered everything.” He got off the bed, walked up to Meryl, wrapped her in his arms, pulled her against him, and just held on for a few minutes. He leaned into her and whispered, “God, I love you so much, and I can’t imagine anything worse than not having you in my life.” He kissed her on the cheek, blew a kiss to his wife, and headed to the guest room. Meryl then wiped the tears from her eyes, set her phone on the nightstand, and walked over to her dresser. “Tan? What would you like to sleep in? Shirt and shorts, or shirt only?” “I think a shirt and shorts would work.” “Okay, here you go. You can have the bathroom first.” “Thanks, Mer.” Tanith took the clothes that Meryl handed her, and walks into the bathroom. When she comes back out, she sees that Meryl has already put her pajamas on; a simple tank top and sleep shorts. Meryl then takes her turn in the bathroom, and comes back in, rubbing moisturizer on her face. She walks over to the wall, flicks off the light, and then climbs into bed. She settles on her back, but is surprised when Tanith reaches over, grabs her arm, and pulls her into her. In the end, Meryl’s back is pressed into Tanith’s front, and Meryl falls asleep quickly. A couple of hours later, Charlie wakes up suddenly. He’s not in his bed, and he doesn’t recognize where he is. As soon as he flicks on the light, he remembers that he is at Meryl’s, in the guest room, and his wife is with Meryl in her bed. He turns the light off, grabs his glasses, turns on the flashlight on his phone, and walks down the hall to Meryl’s room. When he gets there, he sees that both women are still sound asleep. He decides not to wake Tanith up, and just join them. He puts his phone on the table, takes off his glasses, and gets in bed. He reaches out, and finds Meryl’s back. He scoots closer to her, wraps his arms around her, kisses her head, and drifts back to sleep. The next thing Charlie knows is that the sun is shining into the room, and the light is still muted, but it is light enough to see. He opens his eyes, to find himself face to face with Meryl; her arm is draped across his waist, and he is holding her hand. He breathes quietly, startled by her fragile beauty. Her skin is paler than it has been recently, showing the effects of her stress, and the crying of the night before. He lifts his head off the pillow, to see that his wife is curled around Meryl, with her arm draped across her waist. Charlie leans forward, kisses Meryl on the forehead, and tries to get up. He feels her grip on him tighten and he hears a breathy, “No Charlie, stay.” How she knew it was him, he didn’t know; he didn’t think she had woken in the night to realize that he had joined them. He squeezed back, and lies back down. He falls back asleep in minutes. Meryl wakes up to the sun fully in the sky, and her room is full of light. Her eyes are heavy, and feel like sandpaper. She remembers every thing from last night, and feels embarrassed that she showed such vulnerability, and that she articulated such negative things. She looks up, to find Charlie’s face inches from her own. She takes in his hair, curling on his forehead, the lines next to his eyes and mouth, and the sight of their clasped hands lying on top of his heart. She turns her head a little the other way, and sees Tanith curled up behind her, with her arm draped around her waist. No wonder she felt so secure; she had two people holding her all night. What wonderful friends, she thinks. She is going to have to find some way to make up for this, and to thank them for being there for her. She stretches then, and feels Charlie stir next to her. “Good morning, Char. How are you?” He blinks slowly, trying to wake himself up. “I’m good; you?” “Feeling a little better. I need to make an appointment with Sophie, to work some of this out. I really don’t want a repeat performance of this.” “I don’t blame you.” They then hear, “Good morning, you two. Sleep well, Mer?” from Tanith. “Surprisingly yes, considering how badly I’ve been sleeping. You guys sure know how to make a girl feel loved.” “We do love you; you are so important to us.” Meryl leans over, kisses Charlie on the cheek, then Tanith’s cheek, and says, “I have to take a shower. I’ll make breakfast, and then we can go from there.” Charlie scoots over to his wife, wraps her in his arms, kisses her, and softly asks, “How did you sleep?” “Once I convinced myself that she wasn’t getting up, I think I slept well. I slept better once you got in bed.” “You knew I was here?” “Of course; I could feel you, and Mer relaxed a bit more once you touched her.” “Oh; I was trying to be quiet, and not wake you up.” “You didn’t; you want the shower first? It’ll take me a few minutes.” “Sure; I’ll go now, and leave out towels for you.” “Thanks, sweetie. You are one in a million.” “So are you.” He kissed her one more time and rolled out of bed, grabbing his phone as he went.

After everyone had showered and eaten, they cleaned up the kitchen. Meryl had her phone in front of her, playing with it. Charlie and Tanith were sitting across from each other, staring at her, and each other. Charlie cleared his throat and said “Why so reluctant, Mer?” She looked at him and to the table whispered, “I’m embarrassed. I know I have to call Sophie, and tell her what happened, but at the same time, I’m ashamed.” “Ashamed of what?” “For caving to the demons that have been plaguing me for a while. It seems I’ve been channeling all of the negativity we’ve been receiving in the past, and it all came out at once. I guess I was surprised that there was a part of me that said something; I thought I’d be to afraid to, and that if I really needed help, no one would be able to help me.” “Wait, you mean you’ve thought things like this before?” “Not as bad. I never was suicidal, but at times, part of me wanted to disappear, and just be anonymous. Go someplace where no one knows me, or cares to, and doesn’t know anything about my past. In a way, to be honest, I still want that. I want to be normal, and not have anyone know who I am.” Charlie just inches his hand forward, laces their fingers together, and in a hoarse voice whispers, “You mean the absolute world to me. Please don’t disappear; just knowing that you are in the world, brightening it just by being in it is a huge comfort to me. Even if you do decide to disappear, know that I would go to the ends of the earth if necessary to find you.” He raises their linked hands to his lips, and kisses hers lightly. Meryl shivers, and then pulls her hand away from Charlie, and then picks up her phone. She dials a number, and then Charlie and Tanith hear a one-sided conversation. “Sophie? It’s Meryl.” “Not to good; is there any way I can come see you today?” “8; not wanting to kill myself, but entertaining thoughts of disappearing.” “Ok, thank you. I’ll see you at 1.” Meryl ends the call, smiles weakly at them and says, “Thank God for Sophie.” Both Tanith and Charlie chuckle, and Tanith says, “That is so true! I say she’s an angel, and the reason that she didn’t die in her accident is that God has a plan for her. I just wish that I had met her under better circumstances.” “Why, sweetie?” “She would make a great friend. She’s pretty, smart, down to earth, calm and caring. I’ve seen her handle other people, and she just has a way about her that draws me to her. I’m fascinated by her, and I’d love to get to know her better.” “Maybe we should. Invite her out to dinner, and have her not wear her therapist hat.” “I want to know what her degrees are in.” “Degrees?” “Haven’t you ever looked at the wall behind her desk? She has quite a few diplomas there; I remember at least one PhD, and one MD.” “I’ve only been in her office twice; the first time, I didn’t even pay attention. The second, I was to embarrassed to look around.” Meryl breaks into the conversation then, by saying. “I can ask her if she is able to separate a personal relationship from a professional one? If yes, I can ask her if she would want to have dinner with us sometime.” “That’s a great idea!” “So, Mer what are you going to do for a few hours, until you have to go?” “I don’t know; maybe go for a drive? I know I can’t stay here, and you two don’t need to stay; I’m sure you have something else to do.”


	9. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meryl makes some big decisions. I won't give anything away!
> 
> Song: "How Do You Get That Lonely"- Blaine Larsen  
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad  
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all  
Is better than the life that you had  
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go  
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know?

Meryl is partially ready for this appointment. She knows that she needs to talk for her sanity, but at the same time, she doesn’t like letting people see the vulnerable side of her. She takes a deep breath, and knocks on the door. “Meryl! I’m so glad you came.” “Thanks, Sophie. I feel slightly weird about this.” “Come on in, and we can talk.” Sophie closes the door behind Meryl, and takes a good look at her. Meryl uses the time to take a good look at the office; she’s never really noticed it before. She takes in the pictures on the wall, the degrees, the bright pillows on the couch, the leather chairs; one in black, the other in turquoise. Sophie clears her throat, and says, “So, what brought on the meltdown yesterday?” Meryl shrugs and says, “A bunch of things.” “Like what?” She repeats everything that she told Charlie and Tanith last night, and by the end of it, Meryl is in tears, and Sophie has the Kleenex ready. “Ok, Meryl, take a few deep breaths. I was expecting something like this to happen.” “Really? Why?” “Because everything that has gotten you to this point, every honor, title and award you have received has been tied to athletic achievement. The reason that everyone knows who you are is now no longer possible, and you feel confused as to who Meryl Davis is, without having skating as part of your identity: we will leave the Maks part alone for a few minutes.” “So, what do I do?” “Do what you do best; make a list. On paper, not your phone, I want you to write down each worry; then under it, write down all of your fears, thoughts, and anything else that comes to mind about it. Then, when you do come see me, we can focus on one worry, so you don’t overwhelm yourself.” “What do I do about Maks?” “Can you tell him what is going on?” “Not easily.” “Then write it down. Write him a letter, and then let him read it. He may not be aware of your concerns, and he might be feeling afraid.” “Afraid? Afraid of what?” “Hurting you; breaking you. He might have moved past the urge for sex while you were fighting for your life, and he hasn’t let himself admit that he wants you, or else is hesitant to show you how much he wants you.” “How do I get him to look at me that way again?” “Easy; lingerie. And, if you want, covering up your scar.” “How would covering my scar help?” “It may force him to see that the scar is the only thing that is different. You are still the same woman that you were before, the one that has a passionate side to her.” “But, I wouldn’t want to buy lingerie here; too many people know me.” “If you want, I have a trip to Chicago planned next week; you are welcome to come with me.” “Really? I’d love to.” “Good! I’ll email you directions to my house; I’ll drive.” “Ok. Oh, one more thing before I go.” “Sure, what’s up?” “Charlie, Tanith and I all want to get to know you better, when you are not wearing your therapist hat. Would you be willing to go out to dinner with us, if you want to have a more personal relationship, than just professional, that is.” Sophie grinned, and said, “I’d love to go to dinner with all of you. I have a speaking engagement, which is why I’ll be in Chicago, so either earlier in the week, or after we get back would work best.” “I’ll talk to Tanith, and I’ll let you know what works for all of us.” “Ok, cool. I’m kicking you out now. I have an appointment, and it’s across town.”

Meryl gets back to her house, and sighs loudly as she slides down the door, sitting on the floor with her knees pulled to her chest. She rests her forehead on her knees, and just sits there, taking in the silence. Soon, it seems like it’s challenging her to do what Sophie asked. She gets to her feet, kicking her shoes into the closet, hanging up her jacket, and taking her scarf off. She walks down the hall to her office, and rummages through her desk until she finds binder paper. She knows a notebook will not be the best for this. She carries a stack of paper and a pen into the kitchen. She makes a pot of tea, and soon is sitting at the kitchen table, surrounded by paper. Some pieces are crumpled, torn, and tear-stained. By the time she is finished, she has stacks of paper, and has put the most important things from those papers into letters. She has one for Charlie, Tanith and Maks. She leaves everything on the table, and goes to bed. She is exhausted, and food just doesn’t sound good. She has a quiet weekend, and cleans up a little. She texts Tan and Charlie, and lets them know that she kept her appointment with Sophie, and that she is okay with dinner with them. Just then, she gets a phone call from her agent. “Meryl? It’s Yuki.” “Hey, Yuki, how are you?” “Good. I have a last minute question for you.” “Ok?” “I was contacted about an hour ago by The Make-a-Wish Foundation in Indiana, and there is a girl whose wish is to meet you. However, she is dying, and the doctors don’t expect her to last long. They have asked if you could meet her, it would have to be next weekend.” Meryl closes her eyes, and sighs. “Yes, I can do that. Where in Indiana is she?” “Indianapolis; at Riley Hospital for Children; it’s on the Indiana University Campus.” “I can drive down Friday morning, meet with her Friday afternoon, and spend the weekend there. I can drive back Sunday night.” “Can you drive down Thursday night, which is the 12th and meet with her Friday morning? Afternoons and evenings are the worst times for her; that’s when she usually gets her meds, and they knock her out, and make her sick.” “Yes, I can do that.” “Ok; I’ll email you details about the girl, directions to the hospital, and anything else I think you might like.” “Thanks, Yuki. Talk to you soon.” She realizes that she has to cancel with Sophie. Sighing, she texts her, and is thrilled when Sophie calls her back. “Hey, Meryl. Why the cancellation?”’ “Yuki, my agent, called. I will be at Riley Hospital for Children in Indianapolis, for a little girl who is dying. They don’t expect her to last long. I drive down on Thursday night, and come back Sunday sometime. It’s for the Make-a-Wish Foundation.” “Okay. No worries. Why don’t we have dinner after we both get back?” “Sounds good. I know we have all been looking forward to it.”

Thursday October 12 arrives, and Meryl packs for her quick trip. As she is packing, she decides that she doesn’t want to wear her engagement ring; it feels wrong, somehow. She takes it off, and places it on top of the letter for Maks on her kitchen table. The letters for Tanith and Charlie are there as well. She moves all of the other paper off the table, and carries it to her office, and places it in the bottom drawer. She makes sure she has everything, the GPS is programmed, and then she leaves. She calls her mom once she is on the road, to tell her that she will be out of town for the weekend, her phone will be off and will be back on Sunday evening.


	10. Personal Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this is one chapter where the angst factor stays the same, with a few lighthearted moments thrown in. The rest of this work doesn't get lighter, though. You have been warned. Oh, and you will need Kleenex for part of it!
> 
> Song: "What Hurts the Most"- Rascal Flatts  
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' it  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away

Maks is at home, staring at his phone. He doesn’t have anything scheduled this weekend, and he has wanted to see Meryl. He knows that there is something off with their relationship, but he doesn’t know how to bring it up. He hasn’t touched her romantically since before her accident; how can he tell her that he is scared, and that he doesn’t want to hurt her? Even after he heard her doctor say that she could resume all activity, except competitive skating, he still couldn’t bring himself to touch her, show her how much he wants her. He mastered wanting her when she was in the hospital, and as she was recovering. Seeing her scar makes his gut twist; he can’t look at it without getting lightheaded, and his breathing becomes shallow and rapid. He can’t believe that he almost lost her, and seeing the scar reminds him of how tough she is, but that she is fragile as well. He decides to take a flight to Detroit tomorrow, Saturday the 14th, to surprise her and spend all weekend with her. His plane lands at 1:00 Saturday afternoon, and he rents a car, and drives to her house. He rings her doorbell, and is surprised that there is no answer. He texts her, and gets no response. He tries calling her, and it goes straight to voicemail. He is getting concerned, but not panicking. He calls Charlie because they have to be together. “Charlie? It’s Maks.” “Hey Maks, how are you?” “Good. Is Meryl with you?” “No, she isn’t. I haven’t seen her in a few days.” “Do you know where she is?” “No, why?” “I’m standing on her doorstep, and she’s not answering my calls or texts.” “She didn’t say anything about you coming to town.” “She doesn’t know I’m here. I wanted to surprise her.” “Try Cheryl; she might know.” “Ok, thanks Charlie. I’ll let you know what she says.” “Ok. Talk to you soon.” Maks calls Cheryl next. “Cheryl? It’s Maks.” “Hey, Maks, how are you?” “I’m good. Do you know where Meryl is? I wanted to surprise her, and she’s not home.” “She’s out of town for the weekend, and her phone is off.” “Do you know where she went?” “She didn’t say. Why don’t you let yourself in? You have a key, right?” “I completely forgot. I’ll do that. Do you know when she’ll be back?” “Tomorrow sometime; I’m guessing mid-afternoon at the earliest.” “Ok, thanks Cheryl.” Maks pulled out his keys, and let himself in to her condo. It is welcoming, smells like her and the scented candles that she loves. He puts his stuff in the living room and walks towards the kitchen, wanting a glass of water. He gets it, and sits at the counter, finishing it. He turns to walk back to the living room, when he sees a glint on the table out of the corner of his eye. His heart drops, his breathing quickens, and he takes two strides over to the table, and sees her ring on top of a letter with his name on it. There is one for Tanith, and one for Charlie as well. _‘She’s leaving me. Oh my God, she’s leaving me_ ’ is the thought that keeps running through his head. He doesn’t know what to do. He needs to talk to her, but he has no idea where she is, and she’s not answering her phone. His eyes drop back to the letters, and he knows that Charlie and Tanith must know something; she wouldn’t have written them otherwise. He calls Charlie back. “Charlie, it’s me again.” “So, what did you find out?” “She’s out of town for the weekend, and her phone is off. But, I let myself in; because Cheryl reminded me I have a key. And...” His voice trails off then. “And what?” “And there are 3 letters on the kitchen table. One for you, one for Tanith, and one for me: and mine has my engagement ring on top of it.” Charlie whistled, and said, “Whoa. So, do you want to come over here, or do you want us to come over there?” “I’ll come to you, and bring the letters.” “Ok. You remember how to get here?” “Text me the address again; I’ll use the GPS on my phone.” “Ok. See you when you get here.” Charlie hung up the phone, turned to Tanith and said, “She’s not home, is gone all weekend, her phone is off, and she left letters for you, me and Maks. Her ring is on top of his.” Tanith swallowed, nodded her head, and said, “Guess we better get ready. Let me text Sophie and see if she knows what’s going on.” “Ok.” **‘Sophie, it’s Tanith. Meryl is out of town for the weekend, and she left letters for me, Charlie and Maks. Her engagement ring is on top of Maks’; do you know where she is?’ ‘Oh, Tanith. She’s fulfilling a wish for a little girl who is dying. She’s out of state. Is her phone on?’ ‘No. I may text her anyways, and tell her to call me or Charlie.’ ‘Tanith, you must understand this before you read the letter: She is finding her way emotionally, and some of her worries may seem trivial to you, Charlie, or Maks, but they are huge to her. Don’t get mad by what you read; give her a chance to explain.’ ‘You know what’s in each one?’ ‘Yes. All I will say is everything will change, and not necessarily for the better. If you love her, truly love her then give her a chance and don’t let your emotions cloud your judgment; don’t make a hasty decision. That goes for all three of you.’ ‘You’re scaring me, Sophie.’ ‘Sorry. I have to go; I’ll be able to check messages, but I’m going to be unavailable for the next 3 hours. Good luck to all three of you.’** Tanith reads that last message, and just shoves her phone at Charlie, gasping, “Read this.” He takes the phone from her, wrinkling his brow. As he reads the messages, his eyes get bigger, and then the tears set in. “Well fuck, this can’t be good.” “Call Meryl, Charlie. Even though her phone is off, you can leave her a message.” He nods, and then dials her number. It rings twice, and then he hears her voice. “Hey Charlie, what’s up?” “We have problems. Maks is in town, and he let himself into your condo; he found the letters, and his ring. He is on his way over here.” “Shit! Ok, just so you know; I’m fine, and what you will be reading is just a small part of my thoughts, feelings, fears and concerns. I promise you I’m coming home, and we will talk when I get home tomorrow.” “You really promise?” “I really promise. Oh, and I will be keeping my phone on silent, but it will be off when it has to be. I’ll be checking, so if you need anything, let me know. Just don’t tell Maks we are in touch; he needs to believe I’m unavailable.” “Done. He’s here; I have to go.” “Good luck; I love you and Tanith, and hug her for me.” With that, Charlie hung up, walked over to Tanith, and hugged her while whispering in her ear, “This is from Mer; she’s coming home tomorrow, and we can’t tell Maks that she’s in contact with us.” She nodded, just as the doorbell rang. Charlie walked to the door, opened it, and stepped aside as Maks walked into the house. He reached out, and hugged Maks. Tanith then walked over, and hugged Maks as well. She rubbed his back, then pulled away. “Do you want something to drink?” “Water. Where is a good place to talk?” “Living room or kitchen?” “Kitchen, if you don’t mind.” “Not at all.” Tanith led the way, with Charlie bringing up the rear. “So, Maks, why did you decide to come to town now?” Tanith just looked curious while she was asking. Maks swallowed and said, “I had this feeling that something was off, and I needed to see Meryl. Do you know where she went?” “No, we don’t. She didn’t say anything to us.” “That’s strange; normally she tells you two everything.” She shrugged and said, “Not lately. She’s been different for the past couple of weeks, and the person she’s been talking to the most is her therapist.” “Therapist? Why would she need a therapist?” “To help her emotionally, I guess. Some things are hitting now, probably.” Charlie interrupted at this point by asking Maks, “What are these letters that I heard about? Tell us about them.” Maks closed his eyes, rested his head against the back of the chair, and said, “I went into the kitchen after I let myself in. Dropped my bag in the living room, and I wanted a glass of water. I got it, and was putting my glass on the counter, and was getting ready to walk back to the living room, to get my computer. I saw a glint out of the corner of my eye, and I walked over to the table. There, lying on it, were the letters. And, on top of mine, my ring.” “Can we have them? “Sure; let me get them.” Maks got up, and he walked into the living room, picking up his backpack. He pulled them out, and then walked back to the kitchen. He handed one to Tanith, one to Charlie, and put his in front of his empty seat. He then sat down, and pulled the ring out of his pocket. Tanith looked at her letter, looked at Charlie, and then, “Should we open them?” He shrugged, shook his head and reluctantly, “Sure. I guess the only way to know what to do next is to know how she feels.” With that, all three of them opened their letters. The only sounds that were heard were the shuffling of paper, ragged breathing, and quiet sobs. Suddenly, the next sound that was heard was a harsh, “No! How could she think that? How could she believe that?” in Maks’ broken voice. Both Charlie and Tanith swung their heads to look at him, and his letter was on the table in front of him, and he was pacing around the kitchen. “Maks? What are you talking about?” Tanith tentatively asked. Maks just gestured to the letter, silently saying ‘read it.’ Tanith shook her head and said, “No, Maks, tell us. We are not reading your letter.” He took a deep breath and spat out, “She thinks I don’t want her, that I don’t find her attractive. And, I regret getting together with her, and I am starting to believe that the engagement was a mistake.” Tanith shakily gets to her feet, and walks over to Maks. She stops in front of him, and then pulls him into her arms. Maks then breaks down, and sobs into Tanith’s shoulder. She just rubs his back and says nothing, just letting him know that she is there. Once he calms down she guides him back to the table and he sits in his chair. She walks out of the room, and comes back carrying a box of Puffs. “Here. You might need these.” He takes a handful, and then wipes his eyes, blows his nose, and then rests his head on the table. “Why would she think any of that is true?” Tanith looks at Charlie, and nods to him as if to say, ‘This one is all you, buddy.’ “Well, what did she say in her letter?” “Weren’t you listening?” “Yes, I was, but you didn’t say why she thought that; just that she did. And, I’m not reading the letter myself.” “Ok, ok. She said that she knows that I don’t want her or find her attractive, because we haven’t had sex of any kind since before her accident. Also, I don’t kiss her with passion or longing, or even kiss her on the mouth anymore. I also am not physically demonstrative anymore, which means that I can’t want her, or want to be with her. She says, _‘If you can’t even hug me, how in the world can you even make love to me? There is no physical affection between us, and you reluctantly share a bed with me; there is no touching at all.’_ ” Charlie shook his head; hearing the words shocked him, because it was very close to what she told him and Tanith the week before. He also couldn’t understand how Maks could not want to touch her; he remembered how affectionate they were towards one another. “Well, is she right?” “Wait, what?” “Is she right, Maks?” “About what?” “About what she said?” “No, she isn’t!” “Then forgive me for being blunt, but what the hell do you expect? If you haven’t made love to her, hugged her or made her feel special and loved, why wouldn’t she think you are having second thoughts?” Maks looked completely stunned; he never expected Charlie to have said that to him. “How could she doubt my feelings for her?” Charlie gave a sarcastic laugh and said, “Because you haven’t shown her that you have feelings for her? Beyond worry, concern, and being grateful that she is still alive, I mean.” “Really? And how have you shown her that you love her?” Charlie looked at him and said, “Let’s see. When she cries, I hold her hand, or hug her. When she’s excited, and she jumps into my arms, I hold her to me. I listen to what she says, and when I can’t tell her how I feel, I show her. It’s buying her a cup of coffee when she’s running late to an interview; it’s playing with her hair when she’s sitting next to me, studying. It’s holding her hand on the ice; it’s making a phone call to get someone else to help her when I can’t. That’s how I show her.” With that, Charlie got up, and walked out of the kitchen. Soon, the front door slamming was the next sound he and Tanith heard. She spun to him and with a restrained fury in her voice said, “Why did you ask him that? You know he loves her.” “Because he wants her, and he’s jealous of me because I’ve had her.” “Not recently. Tell me this Maks, have you felt her scar?” “Yes, once.” “And what did you do afterwards?” “What do you mean?” “After you touched her scar, what did you do?” “Wrapped my arms around her waist, rested my head on her chest, and cried.” “And after that?” “I’ve never touched her that way again.” He was stunned to hear laughter coming out of Tanith’s mouth. “Jeez Maks, both Charlie and I have done more than that and we’re not with her!” “Wait, what?” “I asked Meryl to show me her scar; she did, and I couldn’t touch it, she reached for my hand, and drew it lightly down her chest. I rested my hand over her heart, just feeling it. Then, she saw my scar. After that, we took a nap together, and I had my head on her chest, listening to her heart. I know Charlie saw it when he came in; she was only wearing a sports bra and leggings. He touched her the same way I did, but he let his hand stay on her waist. The three of us have slept together, all wrapped up in each other. Isn’t that more than what you’ve done?” “Why would she let you do that?” “Do what?” “Touch her, or sleep with her?” “She asked us to sleep with her, and I needed to see the scar, to know what I did. She never shied away from my touch, or Charlie’s.” Maks swallowed and gasped, “I’m scared Tanith. I’m scared I’ll hurt her, or break her. Every time I see that damn scar, all I see is the hurt, fear, and pain again.” “But it’s not her fear, hurt or pain; it’s yours. How is that fair to her?” “Of course it’s her pain; she suffered!” “But, it doesn’t define her. Have you even talked to her about this?” “How? How can I? How can I ask her to revisit this, when all I want to do is forget?” “You can’t forget, which is why you are in this mess in the first place!” “How have you dealt with this?” Both Tanith and Maks spun around when they heard Charlie say quietly, “We got help. Her therapist has been a godsend to us, and to Meryl.” “Meryl still sees a therapist? You two do as well?” “Meryl does, frequently. We only do when something involves us, or shakes us to our core.” “When was the last time you saw her?” Charlie nodded at Tanith, who reached out, grabbed Maks’ hand and whispered, “When I had a miscarriage.” His face paled, and he whispered, “Miscarriage? When?” “August 30. You didn’t know?” “No, Meryl never said a word. I was traveling so much; I wasn’t paying close attention to any news sites. “ Charlie broke in and said, “Maks, no one knew Tanith was even pregnant, so they never knew about the miscarriage. It was never announced, and Meryl was respecting our privacy.” “Oh. I still thought she would have told me.” “How would she have brought that up?” “I don’t know; she should have said something!” “It wasn’t her news to tell, Maks. Besides, you know our phone numbers; you could have called, texted, Skyped, or Face Timed if you had really wanted to know how we were doing. We would have told you.” “I’m sorry I’m a lousy person! I’m sorry that I’m not reacting the way you thought I should!” “Maks, the only expectations that are there are that you treat Meryl with kindness and respect, and you communicate with her! You haven’t done that, and if you want a future with her, you need to figure out how to fix this!” “How do you know this?” “She told us, last week, that she wished she had died in the accident, instead of you rejecting her for surviving!” A ringing silence filled the kitchen at Charlie’s words, and Maks was stunned. Tanith broke in, and said, “Okay, time out. We all need a break, before someone says something they will regret. Maks, go take a walk; come back in 20 minutes. Charlie, I need to talk to you.” Maks slowly got up from the table, and Tanith pointed out the path to the river, and mentioned the benches along the path.

Both Tanith and Charlie watched Maks walk away, and soon he was out of sight. Tanith sighed and said, “Sorry for putting the brakes on. Things were headed out of control, fast.” Charlie grabbed her to him, and kissed her full on the mouth. “Don’t be sorry. You were right to do that.” “Can I ask you abut your letter?” Charlie shrugged, and said, “ What do you want to know?” “Just some of what she told you. Mine was a bit of a surprise.” “Really? In what way?” “Mainly that she knows that I still feel jealous of her, and she was trying to get me not to worry.” He pulled away from her, looking at her with a puzzled expression on his face, “Jealous? You’re jealous of her?” “Yes. You have so much history with her. She knows you in ways I never will, and yet, there is only one way I know you that she doesn’t. You’ve been in each other’s lives for 22 years, and there is no way that I can compete with that. A small part of me does worry that you will realize that you love her romantically, and then leave me.” By the end of this, Tanith was crying softly, and Charlie pulled her into his arms. “Oh, sweetie, don’t worry. I do love her, very much, but I’ve never thought about her in a romantic way. You are the only one that I want that way, I promise.” He started kissing her, and they decided that they better relocate to the bedroom, so Charlie could show her how much he had been fantasizing about her.

As Maks was sitting on a bench, alone under a gorgeous October sky, he felt so alone. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, to see a text from Meryl. **‘Hey. Sorry I’ve been out of touch; last minute trip, and I can’t have my phone on all the time.’ ‘Where are you? Why didn’t you tell anyone you were going away?’ ‘I’m in Indiana; apparently, I’m fulfilling a dying girl’s final wish. It was a late notice trip; I didn’t have time to tell anyone.’ ‘You told your mom.’ ‘Someone needed to know.’ ‘Would you call me please?’** A few minutes later, his phone rang. “Hey Maks.” Maks swallowed hard, felt his eyes tear up, and he whispered, “Meryl. It is so good to hear your voice.” “I didn’t mean to worry you.” “Did you mean what you wrote in the letter?” He heard her sigh, and then a very quiet, “Yes.” “Oh, God, I never meant to make you feel that I don’t want you.” “Maks, I am not talking about this now. But, we do need to talk.” “What about?” “I don’t feel like we can be together now. I feel like a completely different person, and I need to know myself first, before I even try to have a relationship with anyone.” “Why are you leaving me?” “Because I’m not the same person I was Maks! I’m not the person you fell in love with, and I don’t want you to be with me out of obligation! And, this isn’t about you.” “Of course you’re the same person; you don’t have a new personality.” “That isn’t what I mean.” That stopped his thoughts. “What do you mean then?” “It’s hard to explain. I feel that I don’t know who Meryl Davis is anymore. Everything that I had before the accident is gone. I’m not an athlete, I’m not a partner, and I feel like I don’t know who I am without that. I only met you because of the Olympics; I only had sponsors and endorsements because of the win. I still haven’t completely accepted the fact that my body won’t let me do the one thing that I have always wanted it to. Plus, and this will be hard for you to hear, but I have to say it: you hurt me so badly by rejecting me that I don’t know if I can ever be with you again. I don’t even know if we will be able to salvage a friendship from this.” With those words, Maks just cried. “I’m so sorry; I never meant to make you feel that way. I am just scared that I would hurt you, and also seeing your scar reminds me of everything, and how I almost lost you. It reminds me of your strength, but also your fragility.” “Why didn’t you ever tell me that, Maks?” “I didn’t want to remind you of your accident.” “I have a daily reminder of it, Maks. I see it every day in the shower, when I put lotion on, when I get dressed.” The only sounds that can be heard are deep, ragged breathing, and tears. Maks then reluctantly says, “So, now what?” He hears Meryl sigh, and then say, “You keep the ring. I know you have a key to my condo; leave it with Charlie and Tanith. Just be gone before I get home tomorrow night, please.” “That’s it?” “I’m afraid so. I can’t be with you now, or maybe ever, and I need to figure out who I am, before I can even address what has happened. Know this Maks: I love you, and I don’t regret our relationship. If we are meant to be, we will be stronger than ever after this.” “What do you want me to do?” “Live your life. Date. Travel. Do whatever you do if I had never been in your life.” “What do I tell my parents? Yours? Charlie? Tanith? Val?” “The truth. I ended things because I need to discover who I am after my accident. I don’t know who I am, where I belong, or what to do next. I need to find my way and maybe, our paths will cross again.” “I’m so sorry it has come to this; I never meant for this to happen. You know that right, Meryl?’ “I know you didn’t mean for it to be this way, but, it is. We both need to accept this, and move forward. I need to go.” “Can we still talk?” “From time to time. Don’t torture yourself, Maks. Contact will be sporadic: not daily or weekly. Texts and emails; no phone calls. Everything business related goes through Yuki. Special occasions warrant a phone call; our birthdays and the anniversary of our win only.” “You must hate me.” “I don’t hate you, but being in constant contact won’t help us move forward.” “What about our families?” “What do you mean?” “Can I call your parents for their birthdays? Anniversary? Can I call Clay? Will you call my parents for their birthdays and anniversary? Will you still talk to Val?” “If you want to call, call. I’ll do the same. I will stop if they tell me they no longer want to hear from me. Same goes for Val, and anyone mutual that we know. I expect the same from you.” “I don’t want to agree, but I know I will.” “This is hard, I know. It’s time to say goodbye, Maks.” “I can’t; I keep feeling that it is goodbye forever.” “It’s an extended goodbye; I don’t know when or if I’ll ever see you again. Be happy, Maks. I have always wanted you to be happy, and I don’t think that I can or will make you happy anymore. Be brave, be strong, and I will always love you.” Maks cried; he couldn’t help it. He felt that his heart was breaking. “I love you so much, Meryl. Please know that I never meant to hurt you, or to have this happen. I don’t know if I will ever get over you.” “Goodbye Maksim.” “Bye, Meryl” was broken, hollow, and whispered. Then, she hung up, and he dropped his phone in his lap, and just sobbed. The most wonderful woman in the world had just broken up with him, and he couldn’t stop it, or fix it. He just stared at the river, wondering how could he live without her. He knew that he had to go back to Charlie and Tanith’s; he had to tell them, but he didn’t know how. He slowly got up, and started walking back to the house.

Charlie and Tanith had been lying in bed, with the covers pulled up over their naked bodies. Tanith leaned onto his chest, kissed him, and said, “We need to get up and dressed again. Maks should be back soon.” He grinned lazily at her, sighed and said, “You’re right.” They both got out of bed, and started putting their clothes back on. They walked out of the bedroom hand in hand, and started towards the kitchen. They had each grabbed glasses of water, and were sitting at the table, when the front door slowly opened and then shut. A pair of slow, heavy footsteps is the only sound that they heard, and then Maks walked into the kitchen. But he looked strange; broken, beaten down, tired. Tanith took one look at his haunted face, and walked straight over to him. “Maks, what happened?” she asked, quietly. His shoulders dropped, and then shook, and he choked out, “She broke up with me.” Tanith stared straight at Charlie for a minute, before she pulled him into her arms. Again, she held him as he cried. It took him a minute before he realized that Tanith was crying as well, and Charlie looked upset too. Charlie then walked over to the group, and all three embraced, and then Charlie started to cry. After they all calmed down a little, Charlie guided Maks to the table, and pushed him into a chair. “What happened?” Maks sighed, and then with a weary, gravelly voice recounted his last conversation with Meryl. When he was done, Charlie swallowed and whispered, “Anything else?” “I need to give you guys my key to her place, and not be here when she gets home.” Maks couldn’t speak anymore; the tears were coming too fast. He just cried, with Charlie’s hand on his shoulder, and Tanith’s arm wrapped around his waist. The three of them stayed that way until Maks’ tears slowly dried up. He grabbed a handful of Puffs, blew his nose, wiped his eyes, and whispered, “Now what?” while sounding like a very lost little boy. Tanith squeezed his waist and said, “I have no idea. Charlie?” They both looked at him, and he swallowed, sat down across from Maks. “Where are you going to stay tonight? At Meryl’s, here, or a hotel?” Maks sighed, and said, “I don’t know. My flight leaves at noon; I have a busy day on Monday. I might just stay at the airport hotel, so I don’t have to put you guys out.” “Do you have your bag, or is it at Meryl’s?” “It’s at her house; I don’t think I can stay there. Too many memories.” “Do you want company, or do you want to be alone?” “I think I need to be alone; why don’t you follow me to her house, I can get my things, and then give you my key?” Charlie looked at Tanith, and said, “We’re both coming. I’ll ride over with you, and get a ride back with Tan.” Maks nodded, and then all three stood up, grabbing keys, phones, and bags. Charlie locked the house, and then walked over to Maks’ rental. He got in, and sighed as soon as the door closed. “What a mess.” Maks nodded and whispered, “It sure is.” A few minutes of driving silently passed before Maks cleared his throat and whispered, “Charlie? I am so sorry about what I said at your house. I was hurt, and I lashed out at you. I was jealous, and wanted to hurt you. I thought that you wanted Meryl in a sexual way, and you were mad that I had that with her.” Charlie closed his eyes, leaned his head back on the headrest, and said, “I do love her, but not that way. She’s everything any man could want but I would never risk our partnership. She is the best partner I ever could have asked for, and romance would have complicated everything. I knew though that you guys were happy; I could see it all over her. Her happiness is all that I have ever wanted for her. It takes a pretty special guy to understand that the two of us share something special, and that while we are intimate on the ice, those boundaries are never crossed off the ice. Just so you know: I was never mad or jealous about what you had with her; I know how special and wonderful she is. You were good for her; I just hope you two get another chance.” “Do you accept my apology?” “I do. I’m sorry you are going through this; she has a lot to figure out.” “Why do I feel blindsided by all of this?” “Because you were. She doesn’t talk easily about her feelings; I’ve never seen her open up that much.” “You think she opened up?” “She told you what she was feeling and thinking, and what she hopes for in the future. That is as wide open as she gets.” By then, they had reached Meryl’s condo. Maks let them in, then sat down on the couch, and took her key off his key ring. He handed it to Charlie saying, “Here it is. Let me grab my bag, and then we can go.” A somber group left a few minutes later, and quiet goodbyes were said in the airport hotel’s parking lot. Tanith kissed Maks on the cheek after saying, “Don’t be a complete stranger. Keep in touch; visit if you can.” Charlie nodded and agreed saying, “Yes; don’t forget about us. We want to know what and how you’re doing.” Maks hugged them both, and turning around, putting his backpack over his shoulder, while picking up his bag. They watched him walk away, and he turned looking over his shoulder at them. He raised his hand, and nodded at them, and they waved at him. He then walked through the door of the hotel, and Charlie and Tanith dropped their hands, wrapped their arms around each other and said, “Let’s go home.” They walked to the car that way, and it was a silent drive back to the house. Maks got into his room, and cried himself to sleep that night. He changed his flight, and left earlier in the morning. That was the last time he would be in Michigan for quite some time.


	11. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after the break-up, and when Meryl returns home.
> 
> Oh, the legend of the crane is true; I made up the part about the jade.

“Breaking up is hard to do.” ~ Neil Sedaka

Meryl was a wreck. She hung up the phone with her ex-fiancé, curled up in the hotel bed, and cried. She cried for what was, and what could have been, and what would never be. She decided to take a bath, and try to relax enough to sleep. She stayed in the tub after water had turned cold. She wrapped herself in the robe, and after looking at the room service menu, ordered something light. She wasn’t particularly hungry, but she knew she needed to eat. After she was finished, she put the cart out in hall, and then put her pajamas on. She then picked up her phone to see a text from Charlie: **‘It’s over. We have the key; he stayed at the airport hotel.’ ‘Thank you so much. I’m sorry you are in the middle of this. We can talk when I get home tomorrow.’ ‘He’s pretty devastated.’ ‘I am as well; that was the hardest thing I’ve done so far, but I know I will be doing other things that will be just as hard, or even harder.’ ‘Mer, like what?’ ‘Moving forward; having old relationships change. Dissolving old partnerships, making new ones.’** The next thing she knows her phone is ringing. “Charlie, what’s wrong?” “Are you dissolving our partnership?” “No, I’m not. But, things are going to change with our partnership.” “Like what?” “I know that I am not going to have this conversation over the phone; it needs to be in person.” “You’d tell me if you were unhappy, right Mer?” “Of course I would. I know what I need to do for me, and I’m afraid that you might be upset by what I decide.” “As long as you talk to me, and involve me in the parts that affect me, then I’ll be okay with what you decide.” “You say that now; you might change your mind.” ‘I won’t, I promise.” “How are you and Tan doing?” “I think okay. Surprised by what you said in your letters. We have a lot to talk about, don’t we?” “Yes, we do. I’m going to let you go; I’m exhausted, and need to sleep before I leave tomorrow.” “When are you leaving?” “I’m aiming for after lunch. Checkout is at 11, and then I’m planning on having lunch, and then I’ll head home.” “Come straight here?” “Sure. Goodnight Charlie; I love you so much.” “I love you too. Goodnight Mer.”

The next morning, Meryl woke up around 8:30. That was the latest she had slept in for the past few months. She got up, showered, dressed, and packed. After making sure she had everything, she left the room, and checked out. She got a restaurant recommendation, and had a nice, leisurely lunch. She then got on the road, after calling her mom, and telling her that she was leaving. She texted Charlie and told him that she was leaving; she should be at his house by 3; she checked out early. She had a nice drive, and she let her mind wander. Soon, she was in Ann Arbor. As agreed, she went straight to Charlie and Tanith’s. She rang the doorbell, and the door was swung quickly open. Tanith grabbed her hand, and pulled her inside. Soon, she was pulled into Tanith’s arms, and receiving a strong, long hug. “Don’t ever do that again” was whispered in her ear. Meryl pulled away from Tanith, and looked puzzled. “Do what? Write my feelings out, or leave without saying anything?” “Leaving. Your feelings are easier to handle than the uncertainty of not knowing where you were.” Meryl then wrapped her arms around her friend again, saying, “I promise. If I ever leave again, I’ll let you and Charlie both know, okay?” Tanith sighed and tightened her arms around Meryl saying, “Okay. Come on in. Do you want something to drink? Charlie had some errands to run, so he’ll be back in a while.” “Just water.” The women went into the kitchen, and Tanith grabbed glasses for both of them, and poured them both water. They sat at the table, sipping quietly. “Mer? Can we talk about my letter?” “Sure. What do you want to talk about?” “Just that I’m sorry for being jealous. I know that nothing has happened between you and Charlie, but I can’t help but fear that he will realize that he loves you romantically, and will leave me.” “Oh, Tan, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I love Charlie so much, but ours is an on ice only romance. You are the person who makes him happy, and I am so glad you are in his life. The only reason I was ever upset that you two started dating was the timing. Why did you have to start dating nine months before Nationals, and eight before the Vancouver Olympics? I was worried that he wouldn’t be able to focus, and you and Ben were still competing then. Once he and I talked about it, that’s when I realized that he had the focus to make our relationships work: ours on the ice, and yours off of it. I have really enjoyed getting to know you better after Sochi and DWTS; all of the pressure was off. It seems silly, but I worry that you would resent me for all of the time that Charlie and I spend together, and you are not able to come to a lot of what we do.” Tanith was surprised; she never thought Meryl would feel that way. “Oh Mer, it’s not silly. No, I don’t resent you. I know that you and Charlie will always have things to do together, and I have no part in that. You have never excluded me from anything; you always make sure that I am invited; if I can’t make it because of work, or you guys are being honored, that’s fine.” “Do you have any other questions about your letter?” “No, but I want to know if you are okay after breaking things off with Maks.” “I think I’m getting there. I didn’t want to lead him on; I don’t know who I am anymore, and what I want, so I need to figure that out before I can be in any relationship again. We may get back together somewhere in the future, but I don’t know.” “How different do you feel?” “Like a completely new person. Trying to figure out a life without competitive skating, only a few ice shows, and going to grad school is going to take some time. I talked to my doctor; I can only do maybe three of four a year; the tour may be a bit much right now. Possibly in a few years, but I know you both have dreams and plans, and we would need to move away from the shows eventually, so we can both build off ice lives.” “Have you figured out school?” “I am going back to school next semester and I’ll be a semester behind. My department chair has mentioned the possibility of not just a semester abroad, but a year. She had some checking to do, and she should be getting back to me soon.” “You’re going away for a year?” “I might; don’t say anything yet; nothing is for sure.” “Please tell Charlie today; you know if you wait he’ll be surprised, and he doesn’t always handle those well.” “I promise, I’ll tell him.” Just then, Charlie came into the kitchen, juggling a few bags and asking, “Tell who what?” Meryl sighed and whispered, “You, that I might be leaving for a year.” Charlie set the bags on the counter, and then unsteadily walked over to the table, pulled out the chair next to Meryl, and sank into it. “Wait, you’re leaving? When? Why?” Meryl leaned over and rested her hand on Charlie’s arm. “I might be spending a year abroad for one of my classes. My department chair, Dr. Yeager, had some things to check on. If I go, it’ll be next fall. I can catch up with my coursework by then, if I go to summer school this coming year.” He covered her hand with his, and whispered, “Would you come back?” “Of course I would. I would have to finish school here, and after that, I have no idea of what would happen.” “Are you wanting to go?” Meryl sighed and said, “It might not be a bad idea, after everything that’s happened.” “How long have you known?” “A week. That’s what my meeting was about last week. It started as a checking in update, and then Dr. Yeager told me. It may take some creative scheduling on my part, but I can do it.” “Who else knows?” “Just you two. I can’t make any decisions until Dr. Yeager gets back to me.” “Where is it?” “Florence, Italy, with some time in Rome as well.” “Oh.” Charlie then stood up, and grabbed Meryl by the arms, and pulled her up as well. He then hugged her tightly to him. “By the way, glad you’re back, and please don’t take off like that again.” “I promise. It’s good to be back. Oh, I have something for you two.”

Meryl pulled away from Charlie, before jogging out to her car. She returned with a flat package, wrapped in plain, brown paper. “Ok, before you open this, this is a part thank you for being the best friends ever, a just because I know you’d love it, and you need it.” Tanith and Charlie looked at each other, with a curious expression on their faces. “Mer, you didn’t have to get us anything.” “I know; just open it; there’s a story behind it.” With that, Tanith started on one side, Charlie on the other. Soon, the paper fell away, leaving them speechless. Inside, was a beautiful wooden box, intricately carved and painted. The carving was in a pattern of cranes, with one in the center slightly bigger than the rest. There was a baby crane next to it. The paint colors were muted blues, grays, and whites, with small touches of green here and there. “Open it,” Meryl whispered. Tanith reached out, and opened the lid. Inside, nestled into a holder was a stunning carved piece of jade. It wasn’t an ordinary piece of jade; it was a pale green, and almost translucent. The carving was simply exquisite. On one side, there was a crane standing on one foot watching over a sleeping baby. On the reverse side of the piece, gently breaking waves. Charlie and Tanith raised their eyes to each other, both sets shining with tears. They both turned to Meryl, and Charlie gasped, “What do cranes symbolize, Mer?” Meryl took a deep breath and said, “In Asian cultures, the paper origami crane is a symbol of peace, happiness, good fortune, healing and success. The real bird is also to be believed to bring the souls of the dead straight to heaven. Vigilance and alertness are also symbols of the crane. Also, the crane symbolizes eternal youth, a successful marriage, fidelity and happiness. There is also a prayer that mothers say for their children: “O Flock of Heavenly cranes, cover my child with your wings.” Both Charlie and Tanith set the box down at the same time, and then they both grabbed Meryl in a hug, and then the couple starts to cry. Meryl just wraps her arms around her friends, and rubs one arm down each of their backs. Meryl then pulls away from her friends, goes into the living room, grabs the box of Puffs, places it on the kitchen table, and pushes them both into chairs. “The story about the box is simple: Since the crane symbolizes many things that I wish for the two of you; in your marriage, in your lives together, and with your family. I know that you will have a long and happy marriage. That is the longevity of the crane; they have a lifespan of 1,000 years according to legend. I also chose this because of the belief that the crane has the ability to bear the souls of the deceased straight to heaven. I believe that a crane took your child to heaven, and someday, you will see them again, and you will know them. The paper crane symbolizes peace, and healing. I know that both of those will take a while for you to achieve, but I know you will get there. Now, you have a visual reminder of all that I want for you. I found the jade at a separate time; I’ve had it for a while.” Both Charlie and Tanith looked stunned at how much thought and effort Meryl had put into the gift. It was so perfect on so many levels. Charlie stood up again, pulling Meryl with him, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulled her flush against him, and just held her. He kissed her on the forehead, and whispered in her ear, “It’s absolutely perfect, thank you.” He just held her, and cried some more. Only when he had pulled himself together did he let Meryl go. Tanith was waiting, and she held her just as long as Charlie had. Once she released her friend, she grabbed the box again saying, “Where did you find this?” Meryl chuckled and shrugging said, “I got really lucky. There was a flea market on the campus of the University yesterday; I was walking through it. I found the stall where these were being sold, and I fell in love with it at first sight. This was the only one with cranes, and I knew that it was meant to be yours.” “Where did the jade come from?” “I bought that in Japan on one of our trips; I think it was three years ago. Something told me to buy it and save it, that Charlie would need it someday. I had the jade with me when I left; something told me to bring it. I did, and the man that carved the box made a holder for the jade, and placed it in the box for me. He wrapped it, and you are the first people to touch it since it was placed in the box. A legend about jade is that the positive traits of the people that handled the jade are absorbed; then, after it is presented, the person who it is given to with receive all of the positive qualities of not only the giver, but of the carver. So, now you and Charlie will have the best of the carver of the jade, the wood carver of the holder, and me, since I gave it to you. You have a tangible reminder of me, long after my memory fades, and I am no longer here.” “This is amazing, Meryl. We can never say thank you enough.” “You don’t have to say thank you; this is my thank you to you for being there for me through everything. You deserve this; enjoy it.” Tanith looks at her watch, saying, “I’m going to put the groceries away. Thanks, sweetie for getting them. Why don’t you take a walk with Meryl, then we can go out to dinner?” “Sure, sounds like a plan.”

Meryl and Charlie walk out the front door, and they both head straight to the river. They sit down on a bench facing the water, and Charlie wraps his arm around her shoulders, sighs and says, “I missed you, Mer. I felt like a part of me was missing while you were gone.” “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.” “Can I ask you what is going to happen with our partnership?” He felt Meryl stiffen next to him, and she buried her face in her hands, and whispered, “I think Davis and White will be on temporary hiatus. I talked with Dr. Carroll on Wednesday, and he said something I wasn’t prepared for. I can skate in shows, but only three to four a year. That means Stars on Ice is out, as is The Ice. I can get back up to that point, but I need to ease into this. If I push too much, too fast, I could damage my heart, and cut a few years off my life. There are some signs of damage already showing; it may get worse the more physical stress I’m under. The physicality of skating is enough to do serious damage if I’m not careful. I’d honestly rather skate sparingly, and still be able to do that when I’m 60, rather than push it, and die by 40. I also can’t work out as much as I used to; I need to find something that will let my heart rate increase gradually, but also not put too much stress on it. Swimming may be my best bet, as well as yoga, Pilates, or tai chi.” The next thing she knows, Charlie is on his knees in front of her, his hands holding hers, and she is being pulled into his chest. She can feel his lips moving next to her ear, but she can’t hear what he’s saying. She pulls back, and says, “Can you repeat that? I didn’t hear you.” “If we need to take a break, then we are taking a break. I will do anything I can to make sure that you are here when you’re 40, 50, or 60. I don’t want to lose you any sooner than I have to; I can’t even fathom this world without you in it. I am not going to push you back into this. You tell me when you’re ready, and then we’ll start again. I can finish my undergrad degree, and then start law school. Hopefully, I can be close to being done when you are ready to get back on the ice. You would have finished your Master’s by then, and possibly be working on your doctorate. It would be easier for you to decide what’s next once you accomplish those goals.” She just wraps her arms around him, saying, “How did I get so lucky to have such a wonderful partner?” He eases off his knees, sits next to her again, wrapped his arm around her shoulder, kissed her head, and says, “I got a good one too.” “Oh, you should also know that there is a small chance that my heart can go haywire at any time.” “What do you mean, haywire?” “I can have a heart attack, which could be caused either by a rapid heart rate, or a super slow heart rate. That is the biggest concern. My last EEG showed a few issues, and they discovered a regular irregular heartbeat.” “What does that mean?” “That means that my heart has an irregular beat, but it happens enough, so it is a regular irregular; part of the effects of the chest trauma. It is visible on both the EKG and the EEG, and it’s just a flutter. If it gets worse though, it can mean trouble.” “What kind of trouble?” “The kind that ends in a funeral if it’s not caught quickly enough.” “No funerals, please.” “Sorry, I can’t promise that. I will have one, some day. I just hope it’s when I’m older, not 30. I guess I should plan one, just in case.” “Are you expecting to die, Mer?” “I could; we all know how close I came earlier this year. I might just get an idea of what I want, and then not worry too much about it.” “Try not to have it be too soon, okay? I couldn’t handle it.” “You’d get through it, you know. It would be incredibly hard, but you’d survive.” “Are you scared of dying?” “Not anymore. The only thing about death that scares me is that the people I love won’t know how I feel about them before I go.” Charlie scowls, and sighs, “Can we please talk about something else? This is a bit heavy right now.” Meryl shrugged and said, “What do you want to talk about?” “Can we talk about the letter?” “Sure. What do you want to know?” “Did you mean it?” “Which part?” “The part that you said you love me, and you don’t want me to be unhappy with having to stop skating?” “Yes, I mean it. I do love you, so much. I don’t want you to hate or resent me, because we can’t do what we have been. We can never compete again, and for now, we can’t participate in tours either. The result of my accident has put us in this position. If you want to keep skating with someone else, feel free. I don’t want to hold you back, or prevent you from doing something you really want to. I guess that is my biggest fear; that our relationship is going to be ruined because we are no longer partners, and we won’t have anything now. Our entire relationship is based on skating; what are we going to do, now that we don’t have that?” Meryl just cried; she couldn’t form words anymore, and Charlie just held her. “Mer, look at me.” She raised her eyes slowly, and saw that his eyes were swimming with tears. “I don’t know what we are going to do, but, I do know this: I could never hate or resent you. You are making the best decision for you, and your health. Just promise me one thing: we can still skate laps together, when we both need to. If we can do that, then I know that we will be fine.” “Of course we can do laps together; that’s about all that I can do, actually.” “Then, we will be fine. I’m looking forward to going on this next phase of life with you. Our skating partnership is on hold, but I will always be here for you, and you will never get rid of me. We are friends, and now, it’s time for both of us to move forward with school, and see who we are off the ice.” Meryl just hugged Charlie hard, and whispered, “You are the best! You are such a good person; I’m glad you are in my life.” They both stood up, and stared at the river for a few minutes. “Shall we head back?” Charlie asked. “Tan will be wondering where we are, and then we can go out to dinner.” “Sure. She needs to know what is going on, and eating will be good.” The partners then headed back to the house, holding hands.


	12. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter of changes! This is a transition chapter, and will set up everything that follows.

“Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes.” ~Hugh Prather

Friday October 20, 2017

Meryl is late. Normally, she tried really hard to not be late for meetings, but it couldn’t be avoided this time. She should be leaving for a meeting with Dr. Yeager, her department head, and her advisor, Mr. Samuelson. Unfortunately, she got held up at the hospital. She called as she was leaving the hospital, saying that her appointment ran late, and she would be late to their meeting. She is anticipating being there at 4, instead of 3:45. Today, she will find out if she is going to be able to do the study abroad program. As she is getting in her car, she sees a text from Sophie. **‘Dinner is still on for 7, right?’ ‘I believe so. Let me double check with Tanith and Charlie, and I’ll get back to you.’** After a quick phone call to Tanith, she texts Sophie again. **‘Yes, we are on for 7. See you then!’** After a little speeding, Meryl gets to campus at 3:50. She goes straight to Dr. Yeager’s office, where the meeting will be held. She knocks on the door, and Dr. Yeager opens it. “Hi, Meryl, you made it.” “Yes. Sorry about being late; my appointment took a little longer than anticipated.” “Come on in, and have a seat.” Mr. Samuelson said, “I hope everything is okay.” Meryl shrugged, and said, “Everything is okay. The EEG took a little longer, since there was a funny reading. They decided to do it again.” “What was the problem?” “They were just making sure the irregular heart beat wasn’t getting worse. It looks the same, which is good.” Dr. Yeager cleared her throat, and said, “I heard from my colleague in Florence about you staying for a year, not just a semester. You are basically doing two study abroad programs; one in Florence, the other in Rome. She said that she would want to see some of your work that you had completed with me. I emailed her the paper you did for me last semester, and she was very impressed. Welcome to the program; you are going to Florence next September.” “I got in?” “You did.” “Wow! That’s so exciting; thank you so much!” Meryl received details about the program; she will be spending six months in Florence, and then five months in Rome. She will be expected to be there a week before hand, so she can get settled in her apartment, and learn how to get around the city. She will have three weeks off between semesters in February, and she will move to Rome during that time. She will be returning to campus when classes start in late August 2019. Because her work has been exemplary, she will be working at two museums; one in Florence, the other, Rome: and getting paid for it. She will be in class 3 days a week, 4 hours a day. The rest of the time will be spent researching her dissertation, and at her job, which is 2 days, a week, with some weekends free. She can travel; just make sure that she can be back before her class starts. If she is interested, she can do independent study, to get more out of her trip; she will have to be in email contact for that. Meryl tells Mr. Samuelson that she will decide on a list of topics for her dissertation, and see where her interest lies, and she will select a topic before the next semester starts. She leaves her meeting at 6, a little overwhelmed, but excited about what is coming. She decides to just head over to the restaurant early, and gets a table; it is Friday night, so some places will be busy. She texts Sophie, Tanith and Charlie, and then drives to the restaurant. She decides to go ahead and go in; it’s 6:30, and it may be a while. Her instincts are correct, and there is a bit of a wait. She makes the reservation for 4, and puts it under her name, and then she texts the others. She is seated in a back corner table, and the first person to arrive is Sophie. After they exchange hugs, they sit and chatter about their days. Then, Charlie and Tanith arrive.

After everyone exchanges greetings, they decide to figure out what they want to eat. They know that they have a lot of talking to do, and they don’t want to be interrupted. Soon, their server comes by, and they order drinks and their meals. As soon as he leaves, Sophie reminds the group that she is not going to be wearing her therapist hat tonight, just her friend one. They all chuckle, and get to know Sophie in a different way. They find out that she is from California originally, and moved to Michigan about a year earlier. She does tell them that she does have some professional news to tell them. The three Olympians are stunned to hear that she will not be working at the hospital past the end of the year. The pilot program that she was in charge of did not do as well as was anticipated, so the hospital decided to terminate it. Luckily, she has another job, and will be starting that full-time in January. She does tell them that if the need arises, she can still see them in a professional manner, it will just not be in the hospital. Then, the conversation turns to what her new job is going to be. Sophie will be joining the Michigan office of Ancestry.com, and she is a genealogist, as well as a librarian. Meryl then announces that she was accepted into the study abroad program, and she will be gone from August 2018 to August 2019. She tells them everything that was discussed just hours prior. Charlie then tells the group that he will be graduating with his Bachelor’s degree in June, and starting law school the following semester. Tanith is back working full-time as a correspondent for NBC, the Ice Network, and Universal Sports. Traveling won’t be picking up for a bit; but she will be covering the upcoming competition season, as well as covering Worlds 2018. Overall, it’s just a nice night getting to know each other better, and not having any heavy topics to talk about.


	13. Celebrations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Charlie's 30th birthday celebration chapter!

“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!”~ Dr. Seuss (Theodore Geisel)

October 24, 2017

Tanith wakes up that Tuesday morning, excited about the day. It is Charlie’s 30th birthday, and she has decided to have a surprise dinner party for him. She knows that he will be in class until 4, and then he has a meeting with his advisor, so he won’t be home until 5:30, depending on how bad traffic is. She knows that since most of his figure skating friends won’t be able to make it, since it is at the beginning of the competition season; she has invited his parents, Meryl and Sophie out for dinner. Everything is all planned; Meryl will be first to the restaurant, and reserve the table, and make sure the cake is there. No balloons, since they are trying to be adults, not acting like the kids that they do when no one is watching. Tanith will get Charlie there, so he will be in the dark about what is going on. The day passes in a blur, and soon enough, it’s 5, and Charlie texted her that he is on his way home; his meeting took a little longer than anticipated. She leaves a card on the kitchen table, where she knows he will drop his bag, so he can do his homework later.

It’s been a long day. Classes were fine, until his English class. He was assigned a term paper, and there is a catch. It has to be about a different culture/country that he doesn’t know anything about. He is supposed to research the folk/wonder/fairy tales of the country, as well as myths and legends, and then he has to pick how one of them has touched his life in the present. At least he has 3 weeks to do the paper; it’ll take him a bit to figure out what to write about. He just wants to stay home, and let his brain ooze out of his ears. He comes in, and drops his bag on the table. He then notices a card propped up against a glass. He picks it up, and opens it. _‘Charlie, Happy 30th Birthday! I know that you have been tired with school, and working really hard, so, we are going out to dinner for your birthday. We will be going to a new restaurant at 7, so you have some time to unwind. Go take a long, hot shower, and relax. There is a surprise waiting in the closet, and that is what you are wearing tonight. I love you, and I’ll see you soon! Oh, and be ready by 6:30. Your loving wife!’_ He just shakes his head, grinning. How she can make him that happy with just a card. He walks down the hall, humming under his breath. He checks his watch, and sees that he has to get ready. He jumps in the shower, and lets the stress from the day ease away. Soon, he feels better than he has in a while. He turns the water off, grabs a towel, and dries himself off. He wraps the towel around his waist, and the walks over to the closet. There is a garment bag hanging there, with a card attached. He pulls the card off first, and reads it. _‘Everything you need for tonight is in here. I can’t wait to see how handsome you will look.’_ He unzips the bag, and smiles when he sees what is inside. A dark green shirt, with a skinny dark green and black striped tie, a pair of slim fit black pants, black socks, and black dress shoes. He pulls on a pair of boxers, and then gets dressed quickly. Soon enough, he’s ready. He’s just finishing with his hair, when he hears the faint sound of a door slam shut. He hears footsteps coming down the hall, then a very familiar voice saying, “Honey, you ready?” He walks out of the bathroom, to see his wife wearing a black wrap dress, and a pair of low heels. He whistles at her saying, “You look stunning, Tan.” She walked over to him, kisses him on the lips, and says, “You don’t look so bad, yourself.” She grabs his hand, and pulls him out of the room, and down the hall. “I’m driving, and you can’t know where we are going; it’s a surprise.” She makes sure she has her purse, and her cane, just in case. She grabs her husband’s hand again, and leads him out to the garage, then pushes him in the car; once he is in the passenger seat, she pulls out one of her scarves, and wraps it around his eyes. She gets in, and they leave. He tries to guess where they are going, but she doesn’t tell him anything. He knows that they have been driving for about 20 minutes, and then he feels the car stop. She unties the scarf, and he is surprised to see that they are at one of the newer restaurants in Ann Arbor; he’s heard great things about it, but it’s really hard to get in; they haven’t been open very long, maybe a month or so, and everyone has been wanting to try it. He spins around in his seat and squeaks out, “Here? We’re eating here? How? Don’t you need reservations, and in person ones at that?” She just laughs, and says, “Follow me. All will be explained shortly.” They walk the short distance from the parking lot to the front door, and he opens the door for her. She walks up to the front, and whispers to the young woman there. She nods, and tells them to follow her. Tan grabs Charlie’s hand, and pulls him along. They wind through the restaurant, until they get to a room close to the back. She stops, and ushers Charlie in first, then Tanith. As soon as he steps through the door, all he can hear is, “Surprise!” He looks stunned, but he sees him mom and dad, Meryl, Sophie, and Tanith standing in a group, with huge smiles on their faces. “When? How? What?” is all he can keep saying to everyone for a good 30 seconds. Meryl smiled at him, and said, “Tanith organized this. We wanted to do something small, even though it’s the middle of the semester, and you’re swamped with schoolwork. You only turn 30 once, and we at least wanted to razz you something awful about it.” “Thanks, everyone, you are the best.” It’s a very low-key evening, with a lot of food, laughter, and some wine.

Then, the gift giving begins. Sophie goes first. “Charlie, I haven’t known you very long, but, you are one of the best men that I have had the pleasure of meeting. You are strong, steady, reliable, and responsible, most of the time. You do have a silly, playful side as well, which helps keep your life in balance. My gift is one that you can use soon, I hope.” She hands him a case, and he is stunned to see that it is his favorite wine. “How did you get this? It’s so hard to buy here.” She shrugged and said, “It’s a California wine. I made a trip home recently, and remembered that you liked it. I shipped a case here, and this is the perfect occasion to give it to you. Enjoy!” He got up, and hugged her. Next, his parents gave him their gift. “Charlie, you have made us so proud over the years. We watched you grow into a fine man right before our eyes, and we have picture proof of the gawky kid and awkward teen that you were. We can’t believe that our youngest is 30; where has the time gone?” Their gift was a pair of silver cufflinks, with his initials on them. He stood up, and grabbed his parents in a bear hug. Next, was Meryl. Standing before the group in a stunning emerald green top, with a black pencil skirt, and black heels; she looked amazing. She took a breath before beginning. “Charlie, we’ve been through so much together over the years. We have been partners for 20 years; that is most of our lives. We’ve seen each other at our best, worst, and everything in between. One thing that hasn’t changed though is how much I value you. You have kept me calm and sane when I get nervous before competitions, and you get me to laugh and relax when I get too intense. But, you also help me not to take myself too seriously. There are times when you do your best, but you still won’t get the result that you want. You are the boy who took my hand, and touched my heart, the teenager who always made me feel beautiful, and the man who is strong enough to meet every goal that we set, but also to be there when we did more than we ever thought we would.” Charlie has tears in his eyes as he walks over to her, and he just wraps her in his arms. She whispers in his ear, “There are two gifts in here; one for now, and one for later. Open the one wrapped in blue now.” He looks puzzled, but smiles, as they break apart. He then opens a Detroit sports fan dream; autographed jerseys from the Red Wings and the Tigers. He can only stare, and then wordlessly grabs Meryl in a hug, and just holds her. He kisses her forehead, and she smiles at him. Then, it’s Tan’s turn. “Charlie, what can I say, it may be your birthday, but it is all of us who have received the greatest gift of all; you. I am so thankful that you are my husband. Welcome to your 30s!” He was holding her hand through out this, and just kissed her lips. She handed him an envelope, and he opens it. When he sees two tickets to St. Croix, leaving a few days after New Year’s for 2 weeks, he is thrilled. It will be their first vacation since the accident; and he is looking forward to be enjoying the sunshine and warmth in the middle of winter. Soon, the group leaves, because Charlie does have homework, and an early class. Before Meryl leaves, she whispers in his ear, “Open the other gift once you get home. Let me know what you think.” He smiles and nods, and then he and Tanith leave. Once they get home, he carries all of the gifts inside, and sets them on the kitchen table. He grabs Meryl’s, and then moves the tissue paper aside to see another package wrapped in green. He pulls it out, and finds an envelope taped to it, with ‘Read me first’ printed on it. He opens the envelope to pull out a single piece of paper with Meryl’s writing on it. He reads: _‘Char~ How do I begin to say how much you mean to me? I have no words, but I found something that reminds me of the person you are, and hopefully you remember what I told you about cranes.’_ He slowly tears the paper, and then opens the box. Inside, is a small bronze sculpture of a crane in flight, with a baby curled up on its back. He is immediately brought to tears, and when Tanith comes in, she looks surprised. “What’s this, dear?” “It’s Meryl’s other gift; she didn’t want me opening this in front of everyone; I can see why.” “It’s beautiful; do you know what it means?” “I remember some of it; I think the baby is because cranes are believed to take souls straight to heaven; I don’t remember much else.” “You have to thank her.” “I know; let me text her.” He grabs his phone, takes a picture and captions it, **‘Perfect. A baby on its way to heaven.’** Then, he sends it to her. His heart stops when he reads her response: ‘ **In your case, a baby who is making its way to you. You will be a wonderful father; if the crane can take a soul to heaven, then they can also take a soul to their parents on Earth. Enjoy.’** He now knows what he is going to write that English paper about.


	14. Catching Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another transition chapter. This one focuses on our four main characters.

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“The truth is, you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.” ~Eminem

January- August 2018

The coming months were busy for everyone. Meryl went back to school in January, and it felt good to be back. She worked hard, and passed her classes with flying colors. She did the first session of summer school, and was mostly caught up from her accident almost a year previously. Before she left for Italy, she had meetings with her doctors, Sophie, attorney, and agent. She skated one more time with Charlie; it would be a year before she could do that again. They said their goodbyes at the rink; neither one wanted to cry at the airport; they both knew that they would be basket cases if they tried to say goodbye there. Soon, it was time for her to leave for Italy. She made arrangements for her mom to pick up her mail and pay her bills and keep her car at her parents’ house. She left feeling nervous and excited; it was her first extended trip since her accident, but she was ready for an adventure. Two huge suitcases and her carryon was all that she had.

Charlie finished his Bachelor’s degree in Political Science, and graduated with honors. He was thrilled that his sisters and their families were able to see him graduate as well, and Meryl was able to attend also. He began law school after Meryl left; it still felt weird not having her there. She was his support with the school plans, and she always kept him calm. He was going to miss her tremendously; this was the first time in a long time that they weren’t going to be in the same place for school; she would be across an ocean. He hoped that she would have fun, and he couldn’t mope for too long.

Tanith was busy; her rehab had been going great, and she finally got back on skates. It felt strange at first, but soon, she found that she wasn’t too out of shape. She was walking without a cane, but kept one in her car and luggage, just in case she needed the extra help. By her birthday in July, she was getting back into training, so she could return to the ice whenever the time was right. She was thrilled to learn that she would be covering a Grand Prix event in Rome in November; she would visit Meryl after it was over.

In February 2018, Meryl, Charlie and Tanith all flew to PyeongChang, Korea, to watch the figure skating events. Meryl and Charlie were there as spectators, but were still treated like rock stars. They signed autographs, posed for pictures, and attended other events. They also celebrated the anniversary of their gold medal, and skated in the gala. That was the first time they had been on the ice for an exhibition program since Meryl’s accident; they enjoyed the experience, but decided to wait a little longer to get back into exhibition shape.

Maks was having a rough time with things. After Meryl broke up with him, he felt lost for a month or two. He had texted on her birthday, and she had responded. She had reached out for his, and he had been short in his response to her. He couldn’t help but feel a little hurt by everything. He tried to get back into his life, but nothing felt right. Dancing didn’t bring the joy it had; his acting career wasn’t going anywhere. He wasn’t really promoting Dance With Me, or Cantamessa Man. He was out partying, and having hook ups, but no relationships. He even tried to get back together with Peta, but that didn’t work out the way he thought it would. Everything came to a head one March night in L.A. He and Val ended up having a fight in their apartment. He had gotten in late from being out, and he was surprised to see lights on when he got home. He was even more surprised to see Val asleep on the couch. He tried to be quiet, but he stubbed his toe on the kitchen table, and his swearing woke Val up. “Maks? Is that you?” “Yeah, it is. What are you doing down here?” “Did you forget?” “Forget what?” “You were going to help me choreograph a dance for a figure skater, Gracie Gold.” “Oh, shit, was that tonight?” “Yes, so you forgot.” “I’m sorry, I got busy.” “Doing what?” “What do you mean? I was busy.” “Bullshit, Maks. You haven’t done anything constructive since Meryl broke up with you. You’ve been moping and feeling sorry for yourself. What was so important that you couldn’t even let me know you weren’t going to be there?” “I don’t have to justify myself to you, Val. I’m sorry I wasn’t there; I’ll apologize to Gracie, and things will be fine.” “What about me?” “What about you?” “You owe me an apology as well. Or, do you not care who you worry, let down, and stress out, because your pain is the only one that matters?” “This isn’t about me.” “Then act like it. Get your head out of your ass, and pay attention to the people who are still in your life. At the rate you are going, you won’t have anyone left.” With that, Val turned and walked out of the room, and Maks could hear the faint sound of a door slamming shut. He was stunned; his brother had never said anything like that to him before. Was he right? Was he ignoring everyone? He couldn’t remember the last time he had called his parents or his grandma. He had talked to Alex a couple of days ago, but he couldn’t remember what they had talked about. He hadn’t spoken to Nicole, Teddy, Tony, Serge or anyone in a while. All of a sudden, he left guilt and shame slam into him like a freight train. How could he do this? How could he ignore everyone? If he was being honest with himself, it was because he was holding out hope that someone would tell Meryl, and that she would talk to him again. Of course, with his luck, she would yell at him, and he would so deserve it. Because he was hurting, he was trying to bury the pain, and distract himself. Because that wasn’t working, he would settle for hurting everyone else in his life; maybe if he was hurting, he could make her admit that she was as well, once someone got in touch with her. All of a sudden, he felt sick. He had completely ignored Charlie’s birthday; he had turned 30, and he hadn’t even acknowledged the man. He hadn’t talked to anyone who could give him news about Meryl. He hadn’t wished any of them a Merry Christmas or Happy New Year. He hadn’t even acknowledged Meryl and Charlie’s 4-year anniversary of winning gold in Sochi; what kind of friend did that make him? He knew the answer; not a good friend at all. He knew he needed to get his act together, but he didn’t know where to begin. He went to his room, grabbed his laptop, and started to search for a therapist who could help him. He found one, and made a note to call in the morning. He had a lot of make up for, and a lot of people to ask forgiveness from. He slept fitfully that night, and when he woke up the next morning, Val was gone, and had left a short note. _‘Working with Gracie. Don’t bother coming; I figured it out.’_ Here was proof that he was dangerously close to alienating the one person he had always counted on, his brother, his best friend. He called the therapist, and made an appointment for that afternoon. He drove to the office, and was surprised to see how welcoming it looked. He checked in, and there was no one else in the waiting room. Just then, a pretty young woman comes up to Maks. “Are you Maksim Chmerkovskiy?” He smiled, and said, “I am. Please, call me Maks.” “Nice to meet you. I’m Dr. Jess Brookline.” “Nice to meet you Dr. Brookline.” “Come on back.” She led him to an office in the back, and it made him feel more at ease. “So, Maks, what can I do for you?’ “I’ve been having a tough time since my fiancée’ ended our engagement. Apparently, I’ve been depressed, and not focusing on the things and people that are important to me. I am starting to alienate my brother, as well as my friends, and business partners.” “Yikes. When did your engagement end?” “October 14, 2017.” “So, 5 months ago?” “Yes.” “Do you know why she ended the engagement?” “She was in a serious car accident at the end of June; she almost died. She was no longer able to be a competitive athlete, and she felt like she had to re-learn who she was. Also, she felt that I rejected her for living, because I was unable to resume our physical relationship.” “Wow. How is she doing now?” “I don’t know; we never talk. Texts and emails are fine, and phone calls for special occasions. All business goes through her agent.” “Why so limited?” “She wants to move forward, and being in constant contact would make that harder.” “She sounds smart.” “She is; she is pursuing her Master’s degree in Cultural Anthropology.” They chat about what Maks has been doing, and not doing, and what he needs to change. Soon, he has a plan. He agrees that he does need counseling, but not as intensive as he had previously thought. Soon, he has started to rebuild all of his relationships. It took Val a while to forgive him, and he still holds him at arms’ length; he doesn’t trust him fully yet, and he always looks skeptical when Maks says he is going to do something. He knows that he will have to prove himself over a few more times before he gets his brother back.


	15. Bridging the Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tanith and Maks reconnect, and Tanith spends time in Florence with Meryl

“Every friendship goes through ups and downs. Dysfunctional patterns set in; external situations cause internal friction; you grow apart, then bounce back together.” ~ Mariella Frostrup

November 9, 2018

Rome, Italy

Tanith was happy to be in Italy. The Grand Prix event was fine; controlled chaos, which was normal. It was a great event, and Tanith enjoyed working it. It was also nice to have a chance to travel. She had gone to a one-night only concert at her hotel, and was surprised that she recognized the performer. It was Lindsey Sterling, the violinist that had played during Meryl and Maks’ foxtrot four and a half years ago on DWTS. She had slipped in late, and was seated in the back of the room. At intermission, she had gotten up to stretch her legs, and wasn’t paying attention to where she was walking. She walked into a solid chest, and would have fallen, had a pair of arms not reached out and grabbed her upper arms. “Hey, watch out!” came out in a husky voice, with a slight Russian accent. Her head flew up, and “Maks?” she breathed out. He looked at her, startled, and said, “Tanith? What are you doing here?” “I worked a figure skating event. I’m enjoying a night out.” He hugged her, and said, “It’s good to see you.” “You too. How are you?” “Okay; it’s been tough.” “I can imagine. Hey, do you want to get a cup of coffee after this? We can talk and catch up.” “Sure; I’d like that.” “Ok, meet you outside the hotel bar? I know we can get a cup of coffee somewhere in this town.” “Sure.” They both enjoyed the rest of the concert, and then met outside the bar. There was a neighborhood café’ just around the corner, so they decided to go there and talk. “So, Maks, what has been going on with you?” He sighed and mumbled at the table, “I was depressed after everything, and pretty much alienated everyone in my life. I’ve been seeing a therapist to help me figure out how to get my life back.” “I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s been tough, hasn’t it?” “It has, indeed. How are you? Charlie? Meryl?” She flashes a smile at him, and says, “I’m good. Back on the ice: getting in shape hasn’t taken as long as I’d thought, but I do have to still ease into things. My endurance isn’t where it was. Charlie is good. He finished his B.S. in June, and is in law school. Meryl is gone for a year; on a study abroad program.” “Where is she?” “Here, in Italy.” “Oh, wow. How is she doing health wise?” “As good as can be expected. Her heart is showing some damage, and her ability to do shows has been affected. The doctors are mainly worried about her having a heart attack, or her irregular heartbeat to get out of hand.” Maks sat straight up, grabbed Tanith’s arm and squeaked out, “Heart attack?” “Yes; her cardiologist has been aware of the issue for a year or so; nothing has happened, but she needed to be aware that it is a possibility. If it were to happen, there would be little that could be done; the scar tissue would make it hard to treat conventionally.” “Oh.” “Maks? Can I ask a question?” “Sure.” “Why haven’t you talked to her, or to us?” “I was mad at her. I guess I wanted someone to notice how I was acting, and tell her, so she’d talk to me again. Also, I didn’t want to bother you, or seem like I was intruding.” “You wouldn’t have been; she talks to Val frequently, and I know she talks to your parents occasionally. Charlie and I have been worried about you.” “Shall we agree that we all could have handled things differently, and move forward? I promise to email you; it’s a little easier than texting, especially that I will be here in Italy for a few more days.” “Sounds like a plan. I have to get going; I need to leave tomorrow; I’m going to see Meryl while I’m here, before I head back home.” “She’s here in Rome?” “No; Florence. She’ll be in Rome from February until early August.” “Would she be willing to see me?” “If you ask her, you’ll know for sure.” “Ok. Thanks, Tanith.” “You’re welcome, Maks. It was good to see you.” “Likewise.” They hug goodbye, and Tanith heads back to her hotel, and Maks walks to his. As soon as she gets back to her room, she texts Meryl. **‘I ran into Maks tonight here in Rome. Would you be willing to meet him sometime?’ ‘If it works with my schedule, sure. I’ll be meeting you at the train station tomorrow night, when you get here. You can tell me all about him then.’**

_What a day_ , Meryl thought to herself as she let herself back into her apartment. She had her class, and then her shift at the museum. She did some grocery shopping on her way home, and then cleaned her apartment, the fixed dinner. It was 7, and Tanith wasn’t getting in until 9, and it didn’t take 2 hours to get to the train station. She sat down with a glass of wine, and let her mind wander. She found herself thinking about Maks, and wondering how he had been doing. She knew from talking to Val and his parents that he had been quiet and withdrawn, and hell bent on self-destruction. It always pained her to think of him hurting, but, she couldn’t help but wonder why it took so long for him to admit that he was. She found herself wondering how he and Val were getting along after their fight about Gracie’s program. The result was a beautiful, sensual routine, set to some of the more intense tango music. There were elements of both Argentine and regular tango, with some quickstep and waltz parts as well. Gracie had done so well with it, and she had looked every inch the woman when she performed it. Soon, it was time to go pick her friend up at the train station. Tanith was looking forward to stretching her legs and walking a little. She was stiff after being on the train for an hour and a half; that Eurorail pass had definitely been worth it. She was looking forward to spending time with Meryl before she flew home; it had only been a little over two and a half months since she had seen her, but it felt like a lot longer. She hadn’t mentioned to Charlie that she was going to see Meryl; she was going to surprise him by Skyping him, and having Meryl be there. She pulled her suitcase behind her, glad she didn’t have to use her cane; she was thankful that she had brought it, but it was nice not having to use it. She got off the train, and into the station in Florence. She began looking for Mer, not sure if she would see her quickly. Luckily, because she was so tall, she spotted her easily. After pushing her way through the crowd, she came up to a petite brunette, whose hair was slightly below her shoulders, wearing a pair of dark skinny jeans, knee high dark brown boots, and an emerald green sweater, with a mutli-colored scarf wrapped around her neck. “Hey, Mer, it’s so good to see you!” “Tanith! It’s so good to see you as well!” As they hugged, Tanith tried not to knock her over. They pulled apart, and Meryl grabbed the handle of her suitcase, and said, “Come on; my car is outside.” Meryl led the way to her car, and put her suitcase in the backseat. As Meryl drove, Tanith just looked around at the city, and at her friend. They got to her apartment, which was a few miles away from the University. Meryl grabbed the suitcase, and led the way up to the third floor, where her apartment was. She unlocked the door, and led Tanith inside. It was a beautiful place; hardwood floors, beams on the ceiling, and light colored rugs scattered through out the room. Meryl put her suitcase in the guest bedroom, and started flicking on a few lights. “Here is the bathroom; towels are here, and extra blankets are here. Do you want a glass of wine to unwind a little?” “Sure; we can talk as we drink.” Tanith followed Meryl to the kitchen, where she grabbed another glass, and then poured a glass of red wine for each of them. Meryl opened the balcony doors, and the crisp fall air was wafting through the room. Meryl cleared her throat quietly, and said, “So, you saw Maks last night?” “Yeah; he was at the Lindsey Sterling concert at my hotel; it was a shock to see him.” “Does he look any different?” “He looks older, more worn somehow. No major visible lines on his face, but there were a few grey areas in his hair.” “Oh.” “He did ask how you were, after he asked about me and Charlie.” “What did you tell him?” “That I’m okay, Charlie finished his B.S, and is in law school, and that you are on a year long study abroad program here in Italy. He asked about your health, and I told him about how you are not skating, and what the cardiologist’s concern about the heart attack risks are. He was stunned.” “That must have been a shock to him.” “Not as much as finding out that you will be in Rome in a couple of months; he is here on business now, and I don’t know about his future plans. He might email you and ask.” “Thanks for the heads-up; I would love to see him, make sure he’s taking care of himself.” She shook her head, and then asked, “So, how did Charlie’s 31st go?” Tanith chuckled, and said, “Your idea was perfect. Everyone bring their favorite flavor of Baskin Robbins, and then have ice cream sundaes. He loved it; I just wish that you had been there to help us celebrate.” “I had a version here; I had chocolate gelato, and it was wonderful! I’ll take you to where I get it, and you’ll see. Oh, I have a gift for him. You want to see?” “Sure!” She watched Meryl get up from the table, and run into her room. She came back with a beautiful tie, a rich navy blue with silver stripes, and a pair of cufflinks in the shape of cranes. “Oh, Meryl, they are wonderful. He will love them.” “I’m glad you think so. I think the tie will go with many of his shirts, and it’s an Italian silk one, so it will tie beautifully, and lie flat. The cufflinks were an obvious choice because they are so symbolic of all Charlie is: strong, reliable and steady.” “Mer, I haven’t told him I’m here; I want to surprise him with a Skype call. How do I get him on the phone?” “Easy; text him that you want to Skype with him; we can go from there.” “Ok; let’s do that.” **‘Hey sweetie. I would love to have a Skype chat. When would be good for you?’ ‘10 minutes? I’m almost done with a draft for a paper, and then I will need a break.’ ‘Great; I’ll call in 10.’ ‘Can’t wait to talk to you. Love you!’** “We have 10 minutes.” Meryl grabbed Tanith’s hand, and led her to the guestroom. “Set up in here; nice and non-descript, and I can sit on the other end of the bed, and then sit next to you when you tell him what’s going on.” “Oh, that’s perfect! Mer, you’re a genius!” Tanith gets her iPad out of her bag, and logs into Skype; she also makes sure that there isn’t anything telling on the wall behind her, and starts thinking of how she is going to tell her husband that their best friend, and his partner, is sitting not two feet away from her. Soon, it’s time to place the call. She hits the connect button, and soon she can see her husband sitting in their office at home. “Hey, Sweetie, how are you?” “Tired, but good. How are you? How was the event?” “The event was great. Rome is wonderful; everything I’ve always thought it would be. I’ve been doing a little exploring.” “Great; what did you do today?” “Took a day trip, and found myself understanding why Mer has fallen in love with this place; it’s gorgeous here.” “I’ve heard. I would love to go with you. Too bad you don’t have time to see Mer while you are there.” “Actually dear, that’s not quite true…” “What? You have time to see Mer?” “I am sitting here with Mer.” “Hey, Char, how are you?” “Oh, my God, what is going on?” “Tanith emailed me as soon as she found out she was working the event; we made arrangements for her to take the train to Florence, and she will be staying with me for a few days, and she is flying home from here, not Rome.” “Why didn’t you tell me, Tan?” “Because seeing the joy on your face when you heard her voice was enough.” “How long have you been there, dear?” “A whole hour, maybe.” “Wow. What have you been doing, Mer?” She shrugged, and responded with, “Just class and my job. I’ve been doing a lot of traveling on the weekends, and it’s great; I’m so close to lots of things. I hear you enjoyed your birthday.” “Yeah; it was great. An ice cream sundae party; I just wish you had been there.” “Oh, I celebrated it here.” Charlie looked puzzled and asked, “How?” “I had chocolate gelato; nothing better than that. No need for toppings. I’m going to take Tanith there tomorrow; so glad we have the weekend together.” Charlie sounds a little sad when he says softly, “Wish I could be there with you guys.” Meryl looks at him through the camera, and whispers, “You will be here with us.” He looked confused as she moved out of sight, and then came back a few minutes later with what looks like a book in her hands. “This is going to be for you when I get home; I’ve been taking pictures of every place that I’ve gone, and I have something that reminds me of you both in each picture. It’s going to be like a ‘Where’s Waldo? but, it’s actually going to be ‘Where’s T &C?’ Then, you guys will know where to come on your vacation someday. I wrote down the name of each place, and where it is.” “Wow, Mer. That’s incredible. How are you liking Florence?” She sighed happily, smiled and said, “It’s everything I’ve always thought it would be. I’m learning so much, and my dissertation is coming along nicely. I’m really looking forward to Rome, because I have arranged access to the Vatican archives, and it is not an easy thing to do.” “Why do you need to access the Vatican archives? Your dissertation has nothing to do with Catholicism, does it?” “Nope, but I’m writing a little about Catherine de Medici, and since one of her uncles was a Pope, I know that they will have records of the family. I also want to see if they have anything pertaining to her, as well as notes on her marriage, and the Church’s thoughts of what her children did during their lifetimes.” “Wow. You don’t do anything halfway, do you?” “I’d rather be thorough now, then realize that I still need sources and documentation a year from now, when I’m back home, and this information isn’t as readily available.” “Are you looking forward to coming home?” “Yes and no. Yes, because I do miss everyone, and it’s just not the same here. No, mainly because here I am just another person, and no one knows me, or cares who I am, what I have accomplished. I get to be me, with no expectations. It’s freeing, in a way.” “Do you miss skating?” “A little. I’ve been thinking about finding a rink around here, but so far, no time. I do research after class, so I’m going to different libraries throughout the city, as well as regional archives. Finding things about the Medici family is fascinating; I may have to narrow things down a little, or else just research every female born between a certain time, and then see what I have, and how those fragments can be weaved into a whole. I think I will be taking a look at politics as well as religion, which will be interesting. There is a tie to literature as well; I’m just looking for the best one.” At this point, Tanith is almost asleep, and Meryl can tell that Charlie is getting distracted. “Hey, why don’t we call it a night? Tan is almost out, and I think you need to get back to work, or else go to bed yourself.” “Yeah, why don’t you two go to bed? I’ll talk to you soon, Tan. Great to see you, Mer.” Tanith doesn’t respond; she has fallen asleep on the bed. Meryl giggles, and tells Charlie, “Well, she’s out like a light. I’ll let you go. Good luck on the paper, and I can’t wait to see you when I get home. Her flight leaves Monday morning; I’m dropping her at the airport before I go to class.” “I love you, Meryl. I miss you so much; I know the time will pass quickly.” “I love you to, silly. I miss you, and we will skate after I get over the jet lag. Hug your parents for me, and I will have so much to tell you when I get home.” They disconnected the call, and Meryl put the iPad on the dresser. She then woke Tanith up enough to tell her to go to bed, that Charlie loves her and will talk to her later. Tanith gets up, finds her toiletry bag, and washes her face, brushes her teeth, and puts her pajamas on. She is out again before Meryl can clean up the kitchen, close the balcony doors, and make sure everything is locked up, before she goes to bed herself.

When the girls get up the next morning, it is a beautiful fall day. Sunny and clear, with a little chill in the air. Meryl takes Tanith to a winery in Tuscany, and they have a picnic on the grounds. They take lots of pictures, and send some to Charlie. They just enjoy the day, and being together again. One place that Meryl made sure to take Tanith to was Verona. She knew that _Romeo and Juliet_ was Tanith’s favorite Shakespeare play, and going to the place where it is set would be a wonderful experience. Verona was 2-½ hours northeast of Florence, and the girls made a day of it on Sunday. They made a stop to Romeo and Juliet’s home, and they got to see the balcony. One thing that Meryl did was surprise Tanith with a square on Lover’s Terrace. You can buy a square, and they will carve your message in stone, and it will be installed one month later. Meryl bought one for Tanith and Charlie, and she promised to take a picture once it was installed. They wandered around the city, visiting the church and the main square, and just soaking everything in. They left before sunset, and had a beautiful drive back to Florence. They stopped at a local trattoria in a small town on the way back for dinner, and had the best meal. When they got back to Meryl’s apartment, Tanith had to pack; her flight was in the morning, and Meryl had to drop her at the airport before she went to class. Meryl wrapped her gifts for Charlie’s birthday, and also snuck something for Tanith into her suitcase without her noticing. They left early the next morning since Meryl’s class started at 9, and Tanith had to be at the airport by 6, since her flight left at 9:30. Meryl said her goodbyes outside of the airport; they hugged each other, shed a few tears, and promised that the next 8 months were going to go by quickly. Tanith promised to have Charlie open Meryl’s gifts as soon as she got home, and that he would let her know what he thought. Meryl then left for class, and made it before things started. She spent the same afternoon working in a regional library’s archives, reading centuries old records.

Tanith meanwhile, had a very long day. Her flight left on time, but she had two short flights and one really long one. She flew from Florence to Paris, a two hour layover in Paris, a 9 ½ hour flight from Paris to Cincinnati, with a three hour layover in Cincinnati, and then a little over an hour flight to Detroit. She was glad that she did customs in Cincinnati; she was ready to go home and sleep. Her flight got in at 8pm, and Charlie picked her up at the airport. As soon as she saw him at baggage claim, she threw her arms around him, and he picked her up, spinning her around in a circle, and he kissed her once he set her back down. They went straight home; Tanith wasn’t sure what time zone she was in, or what day it was anymore. They had a late dinner; Charlie had ordered Indian food, and picked it up on the way home from the airport. They got home, with Tanith carrying the food, and Charlie pulling Tanith’s huge suitcase. He dropped it off in the bedroom, and he could hear Tanith getting out plates and silverware, and then starting to dish out dinner. He went out to the kitchen, and poured them water; it wouldn’t take much for them to fall asleep tonight. They ate in relative silence; Tanith was so tired. After they were done, they cleaned up the kitchen, put the leftovers away, and then headed to the bedroom. Tanith tossed her dirty clothes in the hamper, and then rummaged through her suitcase until she found the gifts that Meryl had for Charlie. “Hey Charlie, these are for you, from Meryl. They are your birthday presents.” “She got me something?” “Yes, and she didn’t want to mail it, so she waited for me to get there, and sent them home with me.” “Should I open them?” Yes, and you have to let her know what you think of them.” As Charlie starts unwrapping the paper, he wonders what his partner got him. He unwraps the tie first, and just smiles when he sees it. _‘She knows me so well’_ he thinks. The tie will go with so many of his dress shirts, and it is a perfect shade of blue. He then turns his attention to the little box that is left. Once he unwraps it, he is stunned. The cufflinks are perfect; very understated, but different than what he would normally wear. “Tan? Did you know what she got me?” “Yes; she showed me my first night with her. Do you like them?” “Of course; I’ll text her in a minute.” He looks into her suitcase, and sees a flash of dark pink; he doesn’t remember Tanith having anything that color. “Hey, Tan? What’s that?” She turns to see him pointing at something pink in her suitcase. Her brow wrinkles; she doesn’t recognize it at all. “I don’t know.” She walks over to her suitcase, and grabs the edge, and is surprised when a wrapped package in bright pink paper comes out. There is a note with Meryl’s writing on it. _‘Thought you could use this! Hope you like it!’_ “What did she do?” Tanith wonders out loud. “What do you mean, dear?” “She got me something and she snuck it into my suitcase.” With those words, Tanith unwrapped the paper. Inside were two gifts as well. A blue folded square, that was a beautiful scarf, in the most gorgeous shade of sapphire blue, with silver metallic threads running through it. There was also a book. It was a copy of _Romeo and Juliet_ , and tucked into the front cover was a copy of the message that was going to be on Lover’s Terrace for them. She pulled it out of the book, and cried when she saw what Meryl had chosen. “Tan? Why are you crying?” She wiped her eyes with her fingers, and whispered, “We went to Verona yesterday. One thing you can do is purchase a square on Lover’s Terrace, and they will inscribe a square with a love message on it. She bought one for us." Tanith hands him the paper, and he reads: _‘Tanith and Charlie, May you always remember that sometimes life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain. Take turns leading, and follow the other with all of the love and trust in your hearts. Be happy. All My Love, Meryl’_  ( _There is also going to be a sketch of a crane on the corner of the square_.) Charlie just cries when he sees what Meryl’s wish for him and Tanith is. He chokes out, “She’s amazing, isn’t she?” Tanith nods, and wipes away her freely flowing tears and says, “She’s one of the rare people whose soul is visible, and that is truly beautiful. We need to thank her. I’ll text her my thanks, and you do yours.” When Meryl gets up the next morning, she sees two texts from her friends. Charlie: **‘They are perfect. The tie is my favorite color; I can’t wait to wear it. The cufflinks are picture perfect. I will think of you whenever I wear them. I can’t wait to see you; I miss you and love you.** ’ Tanith: ‘ **The scarf is gorgeous; I can’t wait to wear it. The play is fantastic, but the message on the square is much more important. Take a picture of the square once it’s installed, please. We wanted to let you know that you are one in a million, Ms. Meryl Davis; I can’t wait to hug you when you get home.’** The reply they get? A heart and a smile emoji.


	16. Mending Fences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maks and Val make up, and there is no more coolness between them. Val has a surprise for Maks; knowing that she has been in touch with everyone but him.

“Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” ~ Marianne Williamson

Maks has no words. It was a shock to see Tanith three nights ago, and to hear that Meryl might have a heart attack. It was also surprising to hear that she still talked to his parents and Val; they had never mentioned her to him. Then again, with how hurt and withdrawn he’d been, maybe it wasn’t so surprising. He was staring at the blank email on his screen, just looking at the blinking cursor. What could he say? What should he say? After a few tries, he has a perfectly acceptable email.

_‘Dear Meryl,_  
_I ran into Tanith a few days ago at her hotel. There was a concert by Lindsey Sterling, and I thought of our dance as soon as she played “All of Me.” Tanith did tell me that you will be in Rome in February, and will be here until early August. I am going back to New York in a few days, but I will be in Rome again in June. I was wondering if you would be willing to meet me then? I would like to see you, and we can catch up. Please let me know._  
_All the best,_  
_Maks’_

He hit send, and tried not to agonize as he waited. He held his breath when he saw that she had replied. He opened it, and was pleased to see her response.

_‘Dear Maks,_  
_Well, it was a pleasant surprise getting your email. I thought you had fallen off the face of the Earth. It would be wonderful to see you in June. I don’t know my finals schedule yet, but I hope you are not here during them. I will be leaving in early August, if you will be here for some length of time. I will be working full-time at one of the museums there for the last six weeks of my stay. Let me know when things are finalized for your trip._  
_Ciao,_  
_Meryl_ ’

So, she wanted to see him as well. He was looking forward to something for the first time in over a year. How fitting that it was with her, since their engagement had ended just over a year ago.

The next months flew by. Maks celebrated Christmas and Hanukah in New York with his family and friends. He was slowly acting like the Maks that he was when Meryl was in his life again. Val asked him about it after New Year’s. The brothers had decided to take a trip to the mountains, just the two of them. They had decided to drive to the Adirondacks in New York, and are staying in Saranac Lake. They are looking forward to quality time together. Val spends the drive looking out the window, and thinking of how much things have changed since the year before. Maks is looking happier, more at peace. Once he came back from Rome, he had a lightness that hasn’t been around since Meryl broke things off with him. He knew why she did it; she had texted him to read his email, she had sent a long one. He had read it, and understood that if you don’t know who you are, it is hard to bring all of yourself to a relationship. He had responded telling her that she was important to him, and to take all the time that she needs; he would be there for her regardless. He had been in minimal touch right after the engagement ended, but things were going back to normal by his birthday in March. They would text about crazy, off the wall things, just like they had done before. He knew she was going to be going abroad for a year, and that she would be crazy busy, so he was resigned to not hearing from her on the holidays. Therefore, he was stunned to receive a text from her on New Year’s eve, telling him: **‘Happy New Year Val! May we both have a great 2019! I hope to see you soon!’ ‘Happy New Year to you as well Mer! Happy 32nd Birthday! I will be in Rome with Maks in June; I’m doing showings for my clothing company.’ ‘That’s wonderful! I will be in Rome in February, and I’ll be there until early August. I am going to meet up with Maks when he is there; just to catch up. I’d love to see you as well.’ ‘You’re in Italy?’ ‘Yes. I’m in Florence, right now. I move to Rome in February; I have done two separate study abroad programs, and I finish in June. I will be working for the last six weeks at the museum in Rome where I will be during my class as well.’ ‘Maks hasn’t said a word about running into you.’ ‘I haven’t seen him since the last time we were together. I haven’t spoken to him since the engagement ended. He ran into Tanith in Rome in November, and she told him about me. I haven’t heard back about when you guys are coming.’ ‘Wow. I guess I have a few things to talk to him about.’ ‘Be slightly nice to him, please.’** It had been a while since the brothers had been together; the fight in L.A. was the last time they had been in the same place at the same time. Val had really enjoyed working with Gracie, and as such, had been asked to choreograph for other figure skaters as well. He had started working with some local ice dance teams, to teach them the dance moves on the floor, and then watching as they translated them to the ice. They had been both deep in thought, and quiet the entire drive. They reached their cabin, and unloaded the car. After they had both plugged in their phones and tablets, they decided to take a walk. “Hey Maks?” “Hmm?” “Can I ask you something?” “Sure.” “You know I’m going to be in Rome with you in June, right?” “Wait, you are?” “Yes; I’m doing promotions for my clothing company to different dance studios and groups.” “No, I didn’t. When did you decide to do that?” “It was finalized the week after Thanksgiving.” “Oh. That’s so cool, Val. It’s a great opportunity.” “It is indeed. Oh, the reason I asked: Meryl texted me yesterday. She wants to get together when she is there.” “You told her you were going to be there?” “Yes. She was surprised, since you didn’t tell her when you emailed her.” “Oh.” “Why didn’t you say anything about running into Tanith in Rome in November? Why didn’t you say anything about meeting her in June?” “Because I don’t want to get my hopes up.” “Why?” “If I said I saw Tanith, then people would ask about Charlie, then Meryl. I didn’t know what to say; I haven’t seen her in over a year; I don’t know if she’s still the same, or if she’s completely different.” “She’s the same. She may look different physically, but she’s still the same sweet person that you know.” Maks stopped walking, grabbed Val’s arm and said, “Wait. How do you know that?” Val looked up at him and said, “Because I talk to her.” “You talk to her?” “Sure. She calls once a week; because she’s doing study abroad now, we Skype instead. We email a lot. She also calls Mama and Papa.” “Why didn’t anyone tell me she was in touch?” “Because we don’t talk about you, specifically. We talk about lots of other things. She does know about what you’ve been through; I know Mama mentioned something, more than once.” “Have you seen her?” “In person? No. In pictures and over Skype, yes. She’s still as gorgeous as you remember.” “Does she seem different?” “In some ways, yes. She is more focused on the big picture, more aware of how fragile life is. But, she’s stronger in some ways. She knows what her physical limitations are, and she doesn’t go past them. She still seems a little lost without skating, but, I think she’s getting better about what her future can be. I may ask her to help me choreograph once she gets back home; I’ll ask her in Rome if it is something that she would be interested in.” “Would I recognize her on the street if I saw her?” “Possibly; her hair is shorter than it was, and that’s the only major outward change. The main changes have all been internal ones.” “Oh. Are you looking forward to seeing her?” “Of course! She owes me lots of hugs, and it will be great to catch up. I haven’t seen her in person since she was in the hospital last July.” “Are you nervous that she won’t be the person you remember?” “She’s exactly how I remember her. She’s a little tougher than she was before, and she speaks her mind more frequently. Those are the major differences; those don’t affect her spirit, her soul, the gentleness and goodness that she is.” “I need to look at my calendar, and see when I can visit her.” “Don’t wait to long; I’m going to let her know when I’m available as well. We will have separate schedules, so I may not be available when you are.” “Ok.” The men slowly walked back to their cabin, enjoying the stillness, and watching the stars.


	17. Reconnecting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Meryl and Maks make-up chapter, but they do NOT get back together!  
> This is complete conjecture on my part; I have no way of knowing if they have ever been together, or will be together! This is pure fiction; just want to re-emphasize that!

“It takes one person to forgive. It takes two people to be reunited.” ~ Lewis B. Smedes

June 25, 2019

Meryl is nervous. Understandably, since this will be the first time in a year and a half that she will be seeing her ex-fiancé, and former dance partner, Maks. They are meeting for dinner, since she had to work all day, and he had promotional events to do. She gets caught up at work, and doesn’t have time to go home and change; well, it’s a good thing that she wore a dress today to work. She leaves, grabbing her bag and sweater. She quickly walks to the restaurant where she is meeting Maks, wondering if he is waiting for her outside, or inside. She slips in the door, and he has his back to her; he’s staring out the window in front of him, and he hasn’t noticed her yet. She walks up to him, clears her throat, and quietly says, “Maks?” He turns around, and his eyes light up. “Meryl” he breathes out. The next thing she knows, his arms are wrapped around her, and he is squeezing her tightly. “It is so good to see you again.” “It’s good to see you too, Maks.” They are led to their table, and Maks can only look at her. She looks the same; the same brown hair, just shorter than he remembers; it falls to her midback, and there are a few caramel colored highlights framing her face. The same hazel eyes that he can get lost in, and her toned body is covered by a burgundy sheath dress. He can’t see her scar at all; the neck of the dress is high enough. She has the most of the same jewelry; the keyhole necklace, the ring around her left middle finger. There is a different, longer necklace as well; white gold, with a charm dangling from it; he can’t see it from where he is sitting. He finally notices her gaze has been looking him over as well. He gave a shy smile, and asked, “Like what you see?” She nodded, and said “Just a few changes from how I remember you.” “Good changes?” Meryl looked into his eyes and said, “I’m not sure yet; I’ll let you know later.” They ordered their meals, and they agree to save the heavier topics for after dinner. They catch up on minor things; how Meryl’s year in Italy is going, how Maks’ business trip came at the perfect time; dancing, school, Val, Tanith and Charlie. 

Once they finished with dinner, they decide to go to Meryl’s apartment. It’s close, and she wants to drop off her stuff. They walk in comfortable silence, and he follows her into her second floor apartment. She makes him wait in the living room, while she drops her stuff in the guest room, and then she changes her clothes. She comes back into the room, wearing a tank top and leggings, and her feet are bare. They sit together on the couch, and just stare at each other for a few minutes. Maks breaks the silence by asking, “Can we really talk now?” “Sure. Where do you want to start?” “ Can we start with you? I’m not ready to talk about me yet.” “That’s fine. What do you want to know?” “Do you still believe that I rejected you romantically?” “Subconsciously, yes, you did.” “What does that mean?” “You let your fears guide your actions, instead of talking to me.” “Can you understand how scared I was?” “Yes, but I didn’t know you were scared, Maks. Tanith and Charlie told me afterwards what you all said at their house, and I understood where you were coming from. But, why didn’t you talk to me?” “I didn’t want to remind you of what you had been through. I thought that if I asked you to talk about it, that you would be sad or upset, and I didn’t want that.” “What would be more comforting: knowing your future spouse wants to make love to you, but isn’t sure how to bring up the concerns that they have, but is willing to try, or your future spouse showing no affection, and only concern for you three months after a near fatal accident?” “I guess I would go for the first option.” “But, you chose the second one. You never hugged me, wrapped your arms around me in bed, never kissed me on the mouth. You couldn’t even look at me when I would undress; what were you expecting my reaction to be?” “I’m so sorry; I never meant for that to happen.” “But, it did. Now, my question for you is: could you handle seeing my scar every day, knowing what I had been through, and not feel sick at the sight of it?” Maks shrugged and said, “I don’t know. I haven’t seen your scar in such a long time, it probably looks very different then what I remember.” With that, she stood up, faced Maks, and pulled her tank top over her head. She had on a beautiful wine red lace bra, and his attention went immediately to her scar. It was much thinner; it was about 2 inches wide, and it went all the way to her belly button. It was perfectly straight, and the redness was slowly going away; the part above her belly button was almost white, and there was a trace of redness at the bottom of her sternum. The scar on her side was basically invisible; the only reason that he saw it was that the light hit it at the right angle. “Wow. It looks so different.” She shrugged, and said, “What a difference almost 2 years makes.” “ 2 years?” “The anniversary of my accident will be in 5 days.” “Wow. I can’t believe it.” Meryl puts her shirt back on, and sighs quietly, “Me either.” “I’m sorry for everything, Meryl. I never meant to hurt you. I think I let fear get the best of me, and I don’t know how to move past it. I know that you are fine, but I still can only see that I almost lost you.” “I think that sealed the deal on our romantic future. I believe we should focus on rebuilding our friendship.” “I’d like that. Just so you know, you are beautiful, and you will bring any man to his knees; I’m just sorry that it can’t be me.” She leaned over, and kissed his cheek, and said, “Don’t worry about it; it just wasn’t meant to be.” “Who do you wish it was meant to be with?” “I have no idea. I know that when I meet him, I’ll know.” “Can I ask you something?” “Sure.” “Do you ever wish it was Charlie?” “Do I wish what was Charlie?” “Do you ever wish that you are meant to be with him?” “I was always meant to be his skating partner. I wondered if I could ever love him that way, and I tried, and I never felt that spark. I felt a spark with you, but with Charlie, I just feel safe. I do love him, but I’m not in love with him.” “Oh.” She pulled back a little and asked, “Why?” “I basically told him that he was jealous that I had a sexual relationship with you, and he wished that he had a chance with you.” “When did you say that?” “When I was there and found the letters and the ring. I realized that I needed to apologize when he told me that he had never felt that way about you. He loves you, but would have never risked your partnership for romance.” “Did he accept your apology?” “Yes. I don’t know why he did; I wouldn’t have.” “He’s a good man; he trusts people until he has a reason not to.” “He is a much better man than I am.” “No, you are just different. You are a good man as well.” He pulled her into his arms, and was content. “Maks?” “Yes?” “Can we talk about you now?” He sighed, and said, “I guess; it’s not a good story, though.” She squeezed his arm, and whispered, “I know. I just want to hear it from you.” He sighed, and then recounted the conversations he had in the past year with his parents, brother, and therapist. He also told her what he said to Tanith in November. Throughout the time he was talking, she said nothing, but kept her hand on him, running it up and down his arm, and holding his hand. By the time he was done, they were both in tears. He leaned over, kissed her on the head, and was relieved. Why? He had his friend back; things may not be right in the world, but they were getting closer.


	18. She's Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meryl returns from Italy! This is the last happy chapter; everything from here on out is pure angst!
> 
> Song: "Home"- Michael Buble'

Let me go home  
I've had my run  
Baby, I'm done  
I gotta go home

Let me go home  
It'll all be all right  
I'll be home tonight  
I'm coming back home

August 10, 2019

Charlie is ridiculously excited. His best friend is coming home today; it’s been over a year since he’s seen her, and he is excited and nervous. Thank God it’s Saturday, because he would not be able to concentrate on school today. He finds himself up early, and decides to just get up, so he doesn’t wake Tanith. It’s barely 7, yet he has so much nervous energy. He decides to go to the rink, and just skate around. It won’t feel real until she’s with him. He spends a couple of hours there, and heads back home around 10. He then showers, and tries to get some homework done, before it’s time to get Meryl from the airport. Tanith is awake when he gets back, and she just looks at him and laughs, asking, “How excited are you?” “I’m sorry; I just can’t wait to see her. It feels so strange that she’s been gone for a year. You saw her 10 months ago; I feel like she’s been gone for a lifetime." “I understand. Why don’t you call Cheryl, and see if she needs any help getting the boxes that Meryl has shipped home organized?” “That’s a great idea.” He calls Cheryl, who is glad to have some help. He and Tanith head over to Meryl’s and meet Cheryl there. “Hey guys, thank you so much for doing this; she’s been sending a lot of stuff back!” “How many boxes are we talking?” Cheryl opened the door, and Charlie’s jaw dropped; there were 6 large boxes and 5 medium ones, but they weren’t in any semblance of order. “They are heavy; I don’t want to know what’s in there. All I did was mark the date when they arrived, and Meryl had me number them, 1-11. I was thinking of having them in a row, so she just has to open them, and not have to lift anything.” Just then, Cheryl’s cell rang, and Charlie and Tanith heard a one sided conversation: “Hey honey, how are things going?” “Did they tell you why the flight is delayed?” “Well, that’s not a good thing.” “Yes, she will. I hope she calls when she gets to New York.” “Bye, honey, I love you too.” Charlie looked at her and said, “Her flight is delayed?” “Yes. Paul got an email from the airline; apparently there was a medical emergency on board the plane for the flight to New York. They had to wait for everything to be cleaned well, and then the plane had to re-fuel, and everything else that went on. The flight was supposed to leave Rome at 9:40 am; they didn’t leave until 12:40. She is 5 hours in to a 10-hour flight; she is changing airports in New York, and then she is flying here. Her flight is now scheduled to arrive 9:46 pm; she must be exhausted. She is running on Rome time, and they are 6 hours ahead of us.” “So, what do we do now?” “Go home, and try not to get worked up about the delay. You can’t speed up time Charlie.” “Ok. Are we leaving around 9?” “Yes; meet us at our house.” “Ok, see you then.” They leave, and Charlie and Tanith go back home. Charlie decides to start his homework, so that way he isn’t behind. He gets most of it done, so that is nice. They decide to watch a movie, and have a popcorn fight in the living room. They clean up, and then decide to take a nap, and then have dinner. They eat, and clean up the kitchen. Soon, it’s time to go. They head to the Davis’, and meet Paul and Cheryl there. They follow them to the airport, and park next to each other in short-term parking. They get the gate number, and then find out where she will be picking up her bags. 10 minutes later, Cheryl’s phone rings, and the group listens to the conversation: “Hi, honey!” “Yes, we are here. By the baggage claim.” “Have you eaten?” “Meryl that does NOT count as dinner!” “Yes, we can.” “The usual suspects: Dad and I, and Charlie and Tan.” “Yes, I’ll tell them.” “See you soon!” “What doesn’t count as dinner?” “She tried to convince me that a sandwich and a cup of coffee would count as her dinner. We are stopping to get her food on the way home. Oh, Charlie and Tan, she wanted me to tell you that she is doing a darn good impersonation of a ‘walker’, whatever that is.” Charlie and Tanith burst out laughing. “Poor thing; she’s a zombie, she’s so tired.” “She is looking forward to seeing us though.” Soon, they see Meryl coming down the escalator; she spots them in the crowd, and waves to them. They wave back, and soon she is standing in front of them. She throws her arms around her parents, and the three of them cry a little. Then, she turns to Tanith, who just squeezes her hard, and rubs her back lightly. They are crying when they pull away. Finally, it’s his turn. He stares at her for a second, and then she jumps into his arms. It feels so nice to hold her. He just keeps his arms around her, with his face buried in her neck, breathing in the scent of her perfume and shampoo. She kisses him on the cheek, and he immediately feels tears spring to his eyes. He sets her down, and gets a good look at her. She is wearing a sapphire blue sweater, dark skinny jeans, and her tennis shoes. Her hair is up, but he can see highlights around her face. Her eyes are still the same hazel that he remembers. He hugs her again breathing, “I missed you” in her ear. She whispers, “I missed you too.” Soon, the luggage from her flight is on the carousel, and she grabs her two gigantic suitcases, and they all leave together. She rides to the restaurant with her parents, and then to her condo with Tanith and Charlie. They all say, “Welcome Home” before they leave. Charlie makes a skate date with Meryl for a few days later; she needs to sleep, and get over her jet lag. She may go with him to school; she has work to turn in, as well as get her things for the upcoming semester.

Finally, the day has arrived when they will skate together. They decide to just meet at the rink, since Meryl had gone to campus on Tuesday, and turned in all of her paperwork, and met with her independent study professor. She also had a quick progress update with Dr. Yeager; she is on track for receiving her Master’s degree in Spring 2020. If she is interested in pursuing her doctorate, she already has a great topic, and could specialize in Renaissance Italian women. Charlie doesn’t have class on Fridays, so they decide to meet at the rink that afternoon; Meryl has had appointments with her doctors, as well as other people that need to meet with her. She’s been getting re-settled back into Michigan life. Soon, it’s time to skate. They meet by the ice, and just sit and take in the atmosphere. It feels surreal to be sitting there, together, after all the time apart. Soon, Charlie gets up, extends his hand to Meryl and says, “Skate with me?” She doesn’t answer, just puts her hand in his, and gets up to follow him onto the ice. They both remove their guards, and step onto the ice together for the first time in over a year. They decide to just do laps. They start talking, and Charlie finally gets up the courage to ask the question that he’s been wanting to ask, but has been afraid to. “Mer?” “Hmm?” “Do you miss skating?” “A little. I miss the freedom, and feeling like I could do anything. I missed being with you, and knowing that you were there no matter what. I also miss feeling beautiful, and feeling like I matter to someone.” “Have you thought about coming back?” She sighed and said, “I had an appointment with Dr. Carroll this week; both the EKG and EEG went fine, and the results are pending: and if I want, I can start getting in shape to do more shows. I’m not quite ready for a tour yet, but maybe sooner than he thought.” “Would you want to?” “Do you?” “That’s not what I asked.” “Total honesty here? Yes, I do. But, I don’t want to go overboard; I need to be smart about it.” “You want to start at least gathering music ideas, and choreographers?” “The music part will be fun. Do you think we could ask some of our DWTS pros to help us?” “Do you have someone in mind?” “I have a few ideas. Oh, I completely forgot to tell you: Val and I met up in Rome; he wants me to help with choreography for some of his dance teams that he is working with in LA; if you are able, would you want to get into helping, and see if coaching is in our future?” “Would we have to go to LA a lot?” “Not necessarily; I told Val I’d talk to you, and see if you would want to. He can always fly here, and we can show him the moves, so that way he can know how to put ballroom moves in the right places, and add to the skating moves, not compete with them.” “I’d love to. How is Val? What was he doing in Rome?” “He’s good; busy as always. His clothing line is starting to expand internationally, and he did some dancing while he was in Rome. He’s starting to get more involved with figure skating, because he choreographed Gracie’s long program last season. He’s starting to work with ice dance teams, and he is teaching them the moves on the floor. I think he wants to know what the moves are, what they look like, so he can make it flow better. We were the first people he thought of to show him, and I quote, ‘How it’s supposed to look when done perfectly.’” “No pressure then, huh?” “None at all.” “Tell him sure, I’d love to help. But, can we keep it to a minimum until I’m done with law school?” “When is that?” “December 2020.” “Really? I will be finishing my Master’s next semester; I’ll be done in June.” “And doctorate plans?” “Funny you should mention that…” “When do you start?” “August. I’m going to stay here; it’s so much easier. I will be focusing on Italian Renaissance Women; my dissertation now can be a springboard for the next one. I am only focusing on one family now; there are so many others to write about.” “So, I have to start calling you Dr. Davis soon?” She giggled, and said, “No. I only want to be just ‘Mer’ to you. You knew me before I became someone, and I want to keep that.” “You have always been someone, though.” “You know what I mean. You knew me before we started winning; before we became National, World and Olympic champions, as well as medalists at Worlds and in Vancouver. You were there when I won the mirror ball trophy, and you still know me now. You don’t want anything from me; it’s one of the most refreshing relationships that I have.” “Oh, Mer, you haven’t changed from any of the success that we have had. You are still the hard-working, planning, practical person who keeps me together. You are still the goofy person who can laugh at the silly stuff that we do; that’s the person that I love to be around. The wins were nice, and I’m glad that we have them, but you are the best thing that I have gotten from skating. The only thing I want from you is for you to want to skate with me, and to show what true beauty and grace on ice looks like; it’s you, not me.”


	19. Just In Case

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meryl's dying
> 
> Songs: "From Where You Are"- Lifehouse  
> "Who You'd Be Today" -Kenny Chesney
> 
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
> 
> Full confession from your author: These are two songs that I would want played at my funeral; there is just something so hauntingly beautiful about them. I really wrote the story just so I could include these songs. I put in all of the lyrics; definitely watch the videos on YouTube.

“From Where You Are”- Lifehouse

So far away from where you are  
These miles have torn us worlds apart  
And I miss you  
Yeah, I miss you  
So far away from where you are  
Standing underneath the stars  
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased  
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face  
I miss all the little things I never thought that they'd mean everything to me  
Yeah, I miss you  
And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart  
I see the shadows of your face  
Just know that wherever you are  
Yeah, I miss you  
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased  
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face  
I miss all the little things  
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me  
Yeah, I miss you  
And I wish you were here

So far away from where you are  
These miles have torn us worlds apart  
And I miss you  
Yeah, I miss you  
And I wish you were here

 

“Who You’d Be Today”- Kenny Chesney

Sunny days seem to hurt the most  
Wear the pain like a heavy coat  
I feel you everywhere I go  
I see your smile, I see your face  
I hear you laughing in the rain  
Still can't believe you're gone

Chorus:

It ain't fair you died too young  
Like a story that had just begun  
The death tore the pages all away  
God knows how I miss you  
All the hell that I've been through  
Just knowing no one could take your place  
Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

Would you see the world?  
Would you chase your dreams?  
Settle down with a family?  
I wonder, what would you name your babies?  
Some days the sky's so blue  
I feel like I can talk to you  
And I know it might sound crazy

Chorus

Today, Today, Today  
Today, Today, Today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most  
I wear the pain like a heavy coat  
The only thing that gives me hope  
Is I know I'll see you again someday

Someday, Someday

 

October 1, 2019

Meryl had a bad feeling about today. It wasn’t a Monday, and she had had a good day yesterday. Her classes were going well, and she had 2 very intense classes. She tried to shake off the feeling of impending doom, and only put it to the back of her mind. She had an appointment with Dr. Carroll, which was concerning her; when she had been in for her tests after she got back from Rome, everything had seemed fine. However, she got a phone call Friday afternoon, asking her to please come in on Tuesday morning. She tried not to worry and obsess about it all weekend, and failed miserably. Her appointment was at 10, which is the first time that was available. 

Soon, she was sitting in Dr. Carroll’s office; not an exam room, but his office. She was nervous, but trying to focus on what was being said. “Meryl, I am so sorry to tell you this; your heart function is starting to decline.” “What does that mean?” “That means that while your heart is not failing yet, it is slowly not able to do its job; your heart is not able to work as it should be." “What does that mean for my prognosis?” Dr. Carroll sighed, and said, “It’s not good. Your function before you left was 80%, which is astounding considering everything that you have been through. However, when you returned, it was 60%, and we have no idea what caused such a rapid decline. We need to do an EEG, and also go in with a camera; we need to see if the area around the ventricle rupture is affected. If it is, your chance of it rupturing again is high, and it wouldn’t take much to cause it.” “Am I going to die?” “Yes; but maybe not for a while. We just don’t know. We will have a better idea after the test.” “When are you going to do it?” “Now; we need to know exactly what is going on. Do you want to call someone and have them wait with you?” “No, I’d rather call someone when I know exactly what I’m dealing with.” “Ok. Head into the exam room, and we will get this started.” She stood up, and walked silently out of the room. The EEG was performed, and the pictures of the interior of her heart were taken. She left the office pale and shaking, and trying to fight back tears. She made a couple of phone calls, and then met with her attorney and parents, and together they made plans. She was saving the most difficult phone call for last. “Charlie?” “Hey Mer, what’s up?” “Do you have class today?” “Nope; it’s one of my days off.” “Is Tanith home?” “Yes, she is. She’s going to be leaving in a week for a job.” “Okay. I need to talk to you both. When would be a good time to come over?” “Why don’t you come over now? We are both home, and have no plans.” “Ok. I’ll be there in 10 minutes.” “See you then.” She hung up, and then pulled out of the attorney’s office parking lot. She made it to the White house quickly, and she grabbed a folder off the seat, and then got out of her car, and went up to the door. She rang the bell, and Charlie opened it. “Hey, come on in. We are sitting in the backyard.” She followed him in, and dropped her purse on the couch; she kept the folder with her. Soon, Meryl was outside, and hugging Tanith. “Hey, Mer, it’s good to see you! What brings you here on a Tuesday?” “I have something to tell you two.” They all sit at the patio table, and Meryl pulls both knees to her chest. Both Charlie and Tanith are immediately struck by her tone; it is hesitant and scared. “Meryl? What’s wrong?” Charlie asks the question, and is immediately struck by the fact that tears are filling Meryl’s eyes. She takes a breath, closes her eyes, places the folder face down on the table in front of her and chokes out, “I’m dying.” Both Tanith and Charlie can only stare at her stunned. Tanith squeaks out, “What do you mean? How do you know? What happened?” Meryl looks down at the folder, sighs and looks up at Charlie and Tanith before responding with, “I had an appointment with Dr. Carroll this morning. Apparently, my heart function declined significantly while I was in Italy. I had an EEG, and they also took pictures of where the rupture was. The news isn’t good. The area around the rupture is weakening, and that is what is causing the decline in function. Unfortunately, they can’t fix it; it would cause more damage than it would prevent. The only thing they can do is monitor it, and when it ruptures again, I will be gone quickly. I was told to make any arrangements that I need to; I don’t have long.” Absolute silence follows these words. Tanith has tears running down her face, but Charlie has his head buried in his hands; he can’t even look up. Tanith reached over, grabbed Meryl’s hand and asked hesitantly, “What’s in the folder?” “My will, medical power of attorney, and final wishes. I gave a copy to my parents, and this is for you. Just in case anything happens to me while I am with you.” “How long do you have, Mer?” Charlie starts to sob when he hears her say, “Six months to a year, max. The damage is getting worse, and the time frame is just a guess. It could be sooner, and I need to be prepared.” Tanith and Meryl just stare at each other, both with tears running down their faces, and Tanith is still holding Meryl’s hand; she squeezes it tightly and mouths, “I’m going for a walk; take care of him.” The next thing Charlie knows, his hands are being pulled away from his face, and his best friend in the world is sitting on his lap, with her arms wrapped around him. All he can do is bury his head in her shoulder, wrap his arms around her, and sob. She just sits there, rubbing his back, and lets him cry. Once his tears run out, she kisses him on the cheek, and says, “Come inside. It’s cold out here.” She gets up, and he follows her. She grabs the folder in one hand, and holds his hand with the other. They get inside, and she drops the folder on the counter. Meryl kicks off her shoes, and pulls Charlie into his bedroom. She lies down on the bed and he crawls on next to her, pulls her into him, and chokes out, “What’s going to happen now?” She sighs and says, “I will be on an EKG machine from here on out. I took care of all of my arrangements, so I will continue living my life, and wait for the end.” “Arrangements?” “Yes. Funeral and burial stuff.” “You planned your funeral in a day?” “I already had an idea of what I want; it was just a matter of putting it on paper, and letting my parents know what my wishes are.” “Are you scared?” “Not really; I just want it to be painless. I don’t want to know what is going on.” “Is that possible?” “Yes; I can always die in my sleep.” “I don’t want to think about you dying, Mer. I can’t picture my life without you.” “I’m sorry, Charlie. This is not how I pictured my end. I always thought I’d be old, not 32 or 33.” She finally breaks down, and just holds onto Charlie, and cries. She cried herself to sleep, and Charlie just continues to hold her. He is unwilling to let her go; he wants to memorize the feel of her. He soon falls asleep as well, and doesn’t even hear Tanith come in. She had returned from her walk to a still house. Meryl’s car was still there, so she hadn’t left; she was apprehensive about what she was going to find when she walked in her house. Everything was silent; no noise of any kind. Meryl and Charlie weren’t in the living room, kitchen or outside. They weren’t in the office either. She was walking towards the bedroom, and stopped on the threshold. Charlie was wrapped around Meryl, and her back was tucked into his chest. Tanith could see the dried tear tracks down both of their faces, and knew that they had worn themselves out emotionally. Tanith kicked off her shoes, and got on the bed as well. She wrapped her arms around Meryl and Charlie, and she soon fell asleep.

Meryl woke up feeling very warm all of a sudden. Her eyes flew open, and she found herself wrapped up in Charlie’s arms, with their legs tangled together, and Tanith’s arms wrapped around them both. She sighed, and managed to wiggle out of both sets of arms, without waking them up. She walked out to the kitchen, and grabbed a glass of water. She checked her phone, and sent a text to Maks, Val, Jenna, Sharna, and some of her other friends. She told them that her health had taken a turn for the worse, and that she was not expected to get better. She would be calling them individually to give them all the details; she wasn’t able to talk right now. She sat there for a few minutes, before she was aware of a set of arms wrapping around her shoulders. She looked up to see Tanith standing there. Meryl stood up, and wrapped her arms around her friend, and they both cried together. Tanith grabbed the Puffs box, blew her nose, and whispered, “Can you go over what you want us to know?” “Sure. Let me grab the folder.” Tanith handed her the folder, and soon Charlie joined them. “Hey. What are we doing?” “Meryl is going to tell us what her wishes are.” He swallowed and chokes out, “I guess we are as ready as we are going to get.” Meryl goes over everything; cremation, interning of her ashes, and then what she wants for the memorial service. Both Charlie and Tanith don’t recognize two of the songs that Meryl wants. She plays them both for them, and all three cry. The first one is, “Who You’d Be Today” by Kenny Chesney. It is fitting, and Charlie can’t help but wonder what would Meryl name her kids, and if she would have traveled more than she had. The second song, “From Where You Are” by Lifehouse, entranced Tanith. She knows that Meryl will never be far away, but she will miss her so much. Meryl does promise them that she will be keeping an eye on them, and she will take care of their baby, so it wouldn’t be alone. They all cry some more, and then Meryl leaves. None of them could know that they would only have a few more months to see each other before the end.

Maks had been stunned to get her text; he couldn’t believe that she wouldn’t be getting better. She called him a few hours later. “Maks? Do you have time to talk?” “Yes, I do. Meryl, what’s going on?” He heard her sigh and then whisper, “I’m dying.” “What do you mean?” “My heart is failing; the area around the rupture is getting weaker, and it will rupture again. I have no chance.” He was silent for a minute before he managed to choke out, “How long?” He was not prepared for the answer of, “Six months to a year, tops. It could be sooner.” He started crying then; it was a few minutes before he was able to compose himself. “Who else knows?” “My parents, Charlie and Tanith. I’m going to call Val, Jenna, and Sharna next. My parents will let Clay know, and Charlie will tell his parents. Feel free to tell yours; I have a lot of things to take care before I go.” “Like what?” “The funeral arrangements are done, but I have other business matters that only I can do.” “I can’t believe that this is happening to you. I thought that you made a complete recovery, and everything was fine.” “It was. This is just a fluke complication, and it’s happening to me.” “Is there anything I can do?” She was quiet for a minute and then said, “Pray that it’s an easy end. I don’t want to know what is happening, or feel any pain.” “It feels wrong to be praying for someone to die.” “ I would die anyways, you know. It’s just going to be a lot sooner than any of us anticipated.” “Anything else?” “Yes. I know I will want to see you one last time. When that phone call comes, please get here as soon as you can. It won’t be for a few months at least. I hope, anyways.” He agreed, and then they hung up. He couldn’t believe that soon he would only have memories, as well as video of all the dances that they had done on DWTS, Sway, and the other dance commitments that they had.


	20. Learning To Say Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when you are dying?
> 
> Song: "How Can I Help You Say Goodbye?"- Patty Loveless

Time will ease your pain  
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye?  
It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to cry  
Come, let me hold you and I will try  
How can I help you to say goodbye?

As October drew to a close, many changes had happened in Meryl’s life. She had informed her advisor of what was going on, and had decided to try and finish the semester. She was not going to be returning for the spring semester. While Meryl had made her plans, she had not thought about what she wanted to leave for everyone. She wanted something tangible for them to hang onto; a way to remember her, and know that she loved them. She settled on letters and pictures, and made a video to be shown at the memorial service; she asked Marina to help her make it; it was of her skating alone, doing different moves. She would put in the music later. She wrote letters to her parents, Charlie’s parents, Clay, Charlie, Tanith, Maks, Val, Jenna and Sharna. She was finding it so difficult to get the words to flow, though. How do you say goodbye to the only life that you have known? How do you tell the people that you love goodbye, and that you are sorry that you won’t be there for any of the milestones that are still to come for them? Somehow, she found the words for each one. She only gave DVD’s to a few people; both sets of parents, Charlie, Maks, Jenna and Sharna. The DVD’s were only to be given after the memorial; she didn’t want to overwhelm anyone. She had started to clean out her place; she didn’t want to burden her parents with it. All of the skating stuff went to her old bedroom; her mom could figure out what to do with it; the mirror ball trophy was going to Charlie, but he wouldn’t get it until after. She was reminded of just how entwined she and Charlie were, and knew that this was going to be the hardest thing they both would have to do. She would have an end; her death. Charlie would never be able to get away from the memories; they were woven into his psyche, and were his past. She could only hope that Tanith would be able to help him through this.

She made it through Thanksgiving fine, and you really couldn’t tell how sick she was. She had always been quiet and preferred to observe everything around her. She did that, and curled up on her parents’ couch, and watched everyone else. She was overjoyed to watch Tanith’s pregnancy progress; she wanted to know what the baby girl’s name would be, but Charlie and Tanith hadn’t said anything, or given any hints. She could only hope that she would live to see the baby born; Tanith was 3 months away from her due date, which was March 30, 2020.

By Christmas though, it was obvious to see that Meryl was fading quickly. She stayed in bed pretty much the whole time, and had to be carried to the living room to open gifts. When Paul was carrying her, she felt feather light in his arms; if he hadn’t been looking at her, he could have sworn his arms were empty. Only one picture was taken that holiday, and it was Paul, Cheryl, Meryl and Clay, all sitting on the couch together. Paul, Cheryl and Clay all had their eyes closed, and were hugging Meryl tightly, and Meryl had her eyes open, and a small smile on her face. That was the last family picture with four Davis’ to ever be taken. She had decided that she wanted to die at her childhood home, so she moved in after New Year’s. It felt strange being there, but fitting somehow. She had spent her entire childhood in that house, and only moved out when she went to college, and then she moved into her condo after a year of living on campus. She wanted her life to end there; her beginnings were there, and she wanted her journey to come full circle. She did ask for a few people to come see her, and everyone made the trip to Detroit in January; Maks, Val, Jenna and Sharna from L.A. together, and Tanith and Charlie. She gave him or her all something, and got to hug each person, tell them she loved them, and that she would be seeing them again, someday.


	21. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meryl's death. Don't hate me; this is pure FICTION! I do not wish this on anyone, especially not these wonderful people!

“That’s all there is; there isn’t any more.” ~ Closing line in the Madeline books

Maks was so tired. This was a different type of exhaustion then he had ever felt before. He was physically worn out from the flying and sitting, but he was emotionally done. He had thought that the worst feeling in the world was Meryl breaking up with him; he now knew that it was getting Cheryl’s phone call telling him that she had died. When he answered the phone that morning, he was still in bed. As soon as he heard Cheryl’s voice, quivering, he knew. As soon as she had said the words, he started crying. She told him that the memorial service would be next week, and that he, Val, Jenna and Sharna were invited. Luckily, the new season of DWTS hadn’t started yet, so everyone was able to make it. He told Cheryl that he would tell the others, and he would have Val tell the DWTS producers; she thanked him for that. After they hung up, he lay in bed and cried for a few minutes. Eventually, he got up, and went to look for Val. Val was in the kitchen, fixing breakfast, and had his back to the doorway. Maks had no idea how he was supposed to bring this up. He finally just decided to start talking. “Val?” His brother turned around, took one look at his face, with the tears running silently down it, and he swallowed and choked out, “Meryl?” Maks nodded, and said, “This morning. Memorial is next week, and you, me, Jenna and Sharna are invited.” He also asked him if he would tell the producers, so Cheryl wouldn’t have to. He agreed, and called right then. He reached out and hugged Maks, and both men cried. Once they calmed down a little, Maks called Sharna, and Val, Jenna. They explained what was going on, and both women immediately started crying, and said yes, they would go to the service. Plans were made that day, and then Maks emailed Cheryl that they would be there, and texted Charlie the news as well. He got a very brief response back; **‘See you then.' 'I can’t believe she’s gone; it doesn’t feel real.’ ‘I know; me either.’** Then Maks and Val called their parents, and told them the news as well.

Tanith was trying to hold herself together. She knew at Christmas that Meryl didn’t have long, and she also knew that she would not get a chance to meet her daughter. When she had met Meryl for the last time, she knew that it wouldn’t be long; days maybe. She had whispered what the baby’s name was, and Meryl had smiled. When Meryl told her that she was depending on her to be strong for Charlie, Tan started crying. She didn’t know how she was going to be able to support him through this; she was losing her best friend as well. Meryl took her hand, and told her that while they are all losing someone that they love, Charlie was losing a huge piece of his past, and there would be no way to get that back. “Just love him, Tan, and remind him how much I love him. This was never my plan; I never wanted to hurt him, or anyone, like this ever. You have ways to remember me; cherish those when times are tough. Go to Italy someday; have more kids. I will never be far away, and I will be keeping your baby for you until you all get to heaven as well. I know that you all will thrive, and be happy again. Don’t let Char get so caught up in my memory and missing me that he forgets to be present.” “I’ll try.” “I know you will. I’ll leave something for you both, to remind you.”

Charlie was weary and sad. He had just spent the day burying his best friend. Meryl had died on January 30, 2020. He remembered his last time seeing her alive; January 28, 2020. She had called him, and asked him to come to see her. She was lying in bed, wrapped in a blanket, propped up on her backrest and pillows, and she looked so peaceful. She had patted the bed next to her, and he lay down with her. She had then grabbed his hand, and while tracing shapes on the back of his hand, told him everything that she wanted him to know. They had both cried, and she gave him one final gift. He had sobbed when he saw it; just a simple letter and a picture. It was the picture of when they won gold in Sochi; they were on the podium together, and you could see the rain coming down. She had written on the back of the picture _‘I will always be the rain. I will wash away the bad, and allow something beautiful to come. Dance in me from time to time; you know how. I will always be watching over you.’_ He had just held her; he knew that time was running out. He stayed with her that night; he needed to remember what it felt like to wake up with the most important person who had realized every professional goal they had ever set together.

In the end, she went the way she wanted to; in her sleep. She had gone to sleep that night, and she never woke up. Her parents had found her around 7 that morning, cold and still, with a smile on her face. He had gotten the phone call later that morning, telling him that she was gone. He had hung up the phone, wrapped his arms around Tanith, and sobbed. She knew that Meryl was gone. The internment of the ashes was private; family only. Her parents and Clay, his parents, and Charlie and Tanith were the only people there. Luckily, the memorial service was a week later; a little bit of time to prepare for the emotional roller coaster that was coming. The service was exactly how Meryl wanted it; it showed her from the time she was a baby, to when she was an adult. Everyone was stunned when a video started playing, after Marina stood to speak. “Meryl wanted to do one last project on the ice, and she asked me to help her. This is that project; enjoy.” Slowly, a picture flickered to life on the screen, it was early video of Meryl skating, mixed with some of the programs that she and Charlie had done. There were also moments of her skating by herself, and she had somehow weaved the pieces together seamlessly. The song that played along with the video was, “From Where You Are” by Lifehouse. Then, there was a part where Meryl spoke to the camera; in it, she was sitting in a chair in the rink, and there was no one around. Her final message to everyone: “Hello everyone. If you are watching this, then you know that my life has come to an end. I just wanted to say a couple of things while you are all a captive audience. First, don’t get so caught up in mourning and memories that you forget to live. You are all here on Earth for a reason, and your life’s mission is to find your reason and your passion, and do your absolute best. Know that your passions may change as you do, and that is perfectly fine. Stay true to yourself, and you’ll never go wrong. Second, don’t worry that my memory will start fading for you. You may forget the sound of my voice, the way I hug you, or little things. Just know that I love you all, and thank you for reminding each other how much you love me. I will be watching over you, and I’ll let you know I’m there from time to time; the how will depend on you and what we agreed on. This is goodbye and I want you to know that you are all special to me, and I’ll see you again some day. Love you!” There was not a dry eye in the church by the time the service was over; so many people had spoken about the amazing person that was Meryl Elizabeth Davis.

Imagine his surprise when on February 17, 2020 Lauren Elizabeth White was born. She was six weeks early, and she had a birthmark on her forehead; what looked like a kiss. He knew that Mer had kissed her, before sending her to Earth on a crane. She had blonde hair, and clear blue eyes, and was 6 pounds, 5 ounces and 17 inches long when she made her entrance at 7:00pm. His daughter was born on the sixth anniversary of their Sochi win; what a perfect memory for him.

He was surprised one day in April; Cheryl called him, and asked if she and Paul could come over, they had something for him and Tanith. He was curious, and agreed. So, on April 17, 2020, he met with his partner’s parents. She would always be his partner; none of this former nonsense that some people were trying to refer to her as. They had never broken up the partnership and the only reason that it was over was because she passed away. Tanith answered their knock, since Lauren was sleeping. Charlie and Tanith were surprised to see that Paul carried a box, and Cheryl carried a stack of paper. They made small talk for a few minutes, and then Cheryl cleared her throat and said, “Why don’t we tell you what’s going on. Feel free to ask questions if you have any.” Charlie grabbed Tanith’s hand; he had a feeling he would need the support very soon. “Meryl was a meticulous planner, we all know that. What you don’t know is that she made plans for you three.” “Three?” “Yes; she made some plans for Lauren.” Paul then spoke up. “Charlie, are you aware that she created a foundation?” “Yes, I knew she was planning on it, but I never heard how things were progressing.” “She never got the chance to see it go public, but it will be soon. She used her endorsement money to start it, and we were wondering if you would be in charge of the figure skating part of it, and when you pass the bar, would you be the attorney for the foundation as a whole?” “I’d be honored too.” “Ok, the box is the paperwork for the foundation. Background, what the mission is, and what your role would be. She also created a scholarship for Lauren. It is for college, and if she chooses not to go, for whatever reason, then she will receive the money when she is 30, or what’s left of it after she gets her degree.” “Oh, wow. When did she do that?” “She laid the groundwork in November; things were finalized last month.” Cheryl takes a turn speaking now. “Meryl loved you both very much, and she left a lot of things for you. This is just a part of it; letters and pictures; other things will be coming as we clean out her condo. Tanith, here is yours.” Cheryl hands Tanith a manila envelope full of letters and pictures. She then turns to Charlie. “Charlie, where do I begin? You’ve been in her life for so long, I feel that you are my second son. We decided to give most of the figure skating memorabilia, the awards and costumes mainly, to the USFSA; there is a discussion of inducting you two into the United States Figure Skating Hall of Fame, and some of that will be used for an exhibit. We did not give them the Olympic medals; we decided to hang onto those. You get the mirror ball trophy; you were a part of that experience with her. She also left you letters and pictures, as well as a DVD. There is a copy of the video that was shown at the memorial, and that is on a separate disc. Definitely watch the DVD when you are alone; it will make you cry.” She then hands him a large manila envelope, and 2 DVD’s. “Do you have any questions for us?” Tanith asks, “When did she do this? I didn’t think she had the energy.” Cheryl sighed and said, “She had a lot of it already; she did a lot of sorting, and just pulled it together. She finished making the DVD’s after Christmas. Charlie, yours was the last one; she had a hard time with it.” “Do you know what’s on it?” “Yes and no. We assume it is like ours, and just covers what she really wants you to know. We didn’t watch any of them; yours gets hand delivered. The others are being mailed.” “How long have you had them?” “Since she finished them; she asked us to deliver them now; she left us a long list of instructions about different things.” Charlie got up, and just pulled Cheryl into a hug, and they both cried a little. Cheryl whispered in Charlie’s ear, “She loved you, so much. I know you miss her; she’s not far away. She will always be in your heart and memory.” They all said their goodbyes, and then the Davis’ left. Afterwards, both Tanith and Charlie sat frozen on the couch, holding hands, and staring at the envelopes with their names on them. Tan broke the silence by saying, “I really want to know what’s in there, but at the same time, I don’t. It doesn’t seem like she’s gone. But, as soon as I open that I will know that she will be, and I am finding it so hard to not have her here.” He swallowed, and whispered, “Me, too. I never thought I’d be in this position. She wasn’t supposed to die so young; she was supposed to have lived to an old age. There are days when I find myself trying to call her, and I remember that she won’t pick up, and I have to hang up.” “Should we just open them? We’ll never know until we do it.” “I guess.” They both open the envelopes, and are surprised at how neat everything is. There are stacks of letters and pictures, and each one has another note on it. _“Birthdays”, “Graduations”, “Parties”_ , and _“Skating memories”_ are just a few of the categories. There is a piece of blue paper in Charlie’s envelope, and a teal one in Tanith’s. There is a note on the front that says _‘Open First.’_ In unison, they unfold the paper and read what it says. _‘Charlie, Well I know that you have what I left for you. That is the only way that you would have gotten the pictures and letters that I have for you. Each stack represents something that I want you to remember; your birthday, your college graduation, and various skating memories. There are some that are just pick me ups for when you are having a bad day. Friendship, love, and parenting quotes are all in there. Each category has a separate stack. I don’t know how long it will take you to go through them all. I wish that I was able to be there for your law school graduation, and all of Lauren's milestones; know that I will be watching from heaven, and cheering you on. Oh, just one note about the DVD; I tried to find the best examples of us at our best, so there is a lot of skating, as well as some SOI and DWTS memories. I was able to record my voice, as well as the music from the programs; hope you appreciate what I said! Anyways, this really is a reminder of how much I love you, how much I’ll miss you, and if you ever find yourself forgetting, this will refresh your memory. Feel free to show it Tanith, Lauren and your other kids; I want them to know who I am, even if they never meet me in this life. I’ll see you again someday. All my love, Meryl’._ Both Charlie and Tanith are in tears by the time they finish reading.

They decide to watch the DVD after dinner. They settle in their bed, and want to know what Meryl left. They watch in awe as they are taken on a photo journey of Meryl and Charlie from when they were first paired up to the last exhibition they did at the 2018 Games. There were some clips from DWTS, mostly stills from when they were next to each other in the skybox, and their limited interactions. Their dance they did at the finale was there in video, as were candids that even Charlie had never seen. There were a few songs that were playing during the photos, and the last song was “From Where You Are”, timed with their “Say Something” exhibition. When it was over, they were surprised to hear rain hitting the windows. They got out of bed, and were stunned to see a rainbow arching over their house, with the sun peeking out of the black clouds as it was setting. Charlie raised his hand to his mouth, kissed his fingers, and raised his hand to the rainbow. “Hey, Mer. Glad to see you.” He dropped his hand, grabbed his wife’s hand, and they watched the sun set as the rain gently fell.


	22. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The real end. We have jumped forward 20 years; what has been going on? Keep reading to find out!

It has been twenty years since Meryl died. Charlie can’t believe that the one person who he wanted to be by his side has been gone for so long. Lauren was turning 20 in a few weeks, and he was amazed at how much she was like Mer in certain ways. Her favorite color was purple, she preferred lavender scented shampoo and conditioner, she always tried her best in everything she did, she loved all things Italian, she loved her hair long and she played with it when she was nervous. She was also the perfect combination of him and Tan, as well. She had his clear, sparkling blue eyes that reminded people of the ocean on a calm day, and face shape, and everything else was her mom. She was tall and slim, and instead of figure skating, her passion was violin and piano. She loved classical music, but she could also play contemporary and popular music as well. Tanith could see that Meryl had influenced Lauren when the girl stated collecting cranes, and became interested in origami when she was five. She would spend hours just folding paper, and she would always make cranes. She kept a special purple one on her dresser; she had used a metallic purple paper, so whenever the light would catch it, it would seem as if the bird was alive. Tanith thought that Meryl was the crane watching over Lauren as she grew up. With Lauren away in college at Julliard, where she was attending on a full scholarship, the house was quiet.

Charlie had been working for the foundation ever since it was made public. Once he passed the bar, he was the chief in-house attorney for it, and his legal services had not been required in too many cases. He had hired two other attorneys who specialized in the world of non-profits and foundations, and knew how to navigate the complex paperwork that was required. His main job though, was working for the figure skating part of the organization. He arranged for scholarships, skating opportunities, classes, and visits from world-class skaters and coaches, in every discipline of figure skating.

He never forgot her, but he was very different after she died. He was more serious, less inclined to laugh and joke around, and he would only skate occasionally. He always kept a picture of her in his wallet, and it was one of his favorites; she had her arms spread out, face tilted to the sky, and she was wearing an emerald green sweater, blank pants, and you could see a gorgeous sunset starting to darken the sky. The next picture behind that one was of Meryl standing outside in the pouring rain, looking at a rainbow. Whenever he heard a song about rain, he immediately thought of Meryl, and he would smile. Sometimes he would cry, but he would always smile. He would read her letters, and look at pictures when he needed to be reminded of her love, but he never forgot how it felt to hug her and hold her. He really missed holding her hand, and that was the hardest thing to get used to.

His office had some of his favorite pictures of them. The Olympic gold free dance; the podium shot she gave him, their last Worlds gold win, some from Stars on Ice, and various ones of him, Mer, Maks and Sharna taken throughout their DWTS season, both in LA and when they were traveling. He would be transported back in time when he would look at them, and it felt that she was still there.

Tanith was still working as a commentator, and she was still with NBC Sports and Ice Network mainly, with some work with Universal Sports and was one of the most popular commentators they had. She covered every major competition, as well as Nationals, Worlds, and the Olympics. She would interview the athletes and coaches, and she would focus on the technicality of the skating that was being performed. There were days when she couldn’t believe that Mer had been gone for as long as she had; she had missed all of Lauren’s firsts, as well as when she and Charlie decided to get dogs, and just have one child. But, there were days when she felt that Mer was there with them. Other times, Lauren would say something that would just make her and Charlie shake their heads, because it was Meryl’s words in Lauren’s voice. Every so often, Tan would play “Who’d You Be Today” and “From Where You Are”, and just let thoughts of Meryl run through her mind; everything that they had done together, as well as the things that she had missed.

For Maks, the past twenty years had been a roller coaster. He had been glad that he was still seeing Dr. Brookline, because he leaned on her heavily for six months following Meryl’s death. He never really got used to her being gone; he would remember when he would see her pictures, or else a video of her. At Val and Jenna’s wedding, there was a chair left empty for her, with an _“In memory of”_ card and purple ribbon on it. Maks had gotten married about 3 years after she died; he had met someone who was able to bring about a similar passion and gentleness in him that Meryl did; he thought that maybe she had sent this woman to him. He had three kids; twin sons and his youngest child was a daughter. The boys were dancers, but his daughter? She was a figure skater; she did singles. When his daughter found out that he knew Meryl Davis, and had danced with her on a TV show, she was so excited. She asked all types of questions, and she met Charlie about six months after she had started private lessons. Charlie had given some great advice, and told her to keep working on her skills; she had the ability to go far in figure skating. She had the ability to combine the passion of ballroom with the fluidity of the ice, and she was phenomenal. She became World Junior Champion the first time when she was 13, in 2027. Since her birthday is in April, she entered the senior ranks in 2030, and rose steadily through the ranks until she became National Champion for the fourth straight time in 2034, and she became Olympic champion that same year; she also successfully defended her gold the following Olympics.

January 30, 2040

Lauren called that night. “Hey, Mom, Hey Dad.” “Hey sweetie, how are you?” “Good; today we got to pick projects for my composition class.” “What is the project?” “We are supposed to pick a piece of music that is special to us, and we are to write our own version of it.” “What are you going to pick?” “Dad? Would you mind if I pick two of the songs on Aunt Meryl’s memorial service DVD?” “Which two do you want to use, dear?” Lauren sighed then whispered, “Who You’d Be Today” and “From Where You Are?” “Go ahead and use them. What are you going to do with them?” “Thank you Dad! I will need to find the scores, and then I will see what they have in common; I will be fusing them, basically. I may need to change the keys, as well as some notes here and there. I’ll send you a copy when I’m done.” “I’d love to hear it, baby.” “Thanks, Dad.”

He was surprised to get a DVD in the mail at the beginning of June; Lauren was staying in New York for the summer, since she had gotten a job at one of the music camps, and was also working as a musician on Broadway. When Tanith got home from work that afternoon, he showed it to her. “So, shall we see what our girl sent us?” “Yes; I think this might be her performance of her composition.” There was a letter in there, and he opened it and read, _‘Dear Mom and Dad, Well here is my project. I was able to get permission to have pictures shown on the screen while I played. This is what everyone saw; let me know what you think!’_

They put the DVD in, and then they heard Lauren being introduced. She then spoke about why she was inspired to pick the songs that she did. “I chose to honor one of the most wonderful women that I have never been able to meet. She was my father’s best friend growing up, and they won an Olympic Gold medal in ice dancing in 2014. Unfortunately, she died just weeks before I was born; I never got to meet her. However, these two songs that were played at her memorial have always touched me. It seems like I can hear her talking to me, telling me every thing that she had always wanted to say, but never had the chance. Meryl Davis, thank you so much for everything that you have given me and my family; you will never be out of our thoughts and prayers.” She then sat down at the piano, and she played a seamless blend of both songs. If you were not aware that they were two separate songs from very different genres, you would believe that they had always been arranged that way. There were also parts that had been added to make it blend perfectly. Behind her on the screen, were pictures of Meryl taken throughout her life. The very last picture was one of Meryl, Charlie and Tanith, and both Meryl and Charlie had their palms on Tanith’s baby bump; that is the only picture of the four of them. Both Tanith and Charlie were in tears by the time it was over. They barely got themselves calmed down when they heard Lauren’s department chair get up and say, “Ladies and Gentleman, I am pleased to say that every year we honor one student who has shown great promise in an area of our curriculum, but it can’t be in their specialty. This year, we are proud to say that our selection for the most promise in composition is Lauren Elizabeth White. This is not Lauren’s first composition, but they have matured and developed during this past year. Lauren is attending Julliard on a full scholarship for both violin and piano performance; this also counts towards her piano performance year-end project. Lauren, your work ethic and natural talent excite all of us; you show technical mastery, as well as passion for music. Congratulations.”

After both Tanith and Charlie calmed down enough to speak without gasping, they called their daughter. “Hey, Laur, how are you?” “Busy; I just got back from a meeting with my advisor.” “What was the meeting about?” “An opportunity that came around after the end of year performances.” “We watched the DVD. Honey, you did amazing, and the pictures you selected were wonderful. I hadn’t seen that last one.” “I know, Dad. I asked Gramma Jacqui for it, and she emailed it to me. So, did you like it?” “Of course we did, baby. If you can, please email me the audio track; I want to put it on my iPod. I had never heard those songs quite like that.” “Sure, I’ll email you the track in a bit. I felt Aunt Meryl with me when I was playing.” “You did?” “Yes. I feel her sometimes, and hear her a lot. She has always looked out for me, and I wish I could hug her.” “We do too, baby.” “Mom?” “Yes, dear?” “ Can I ask a question?” “Of course you can.” “Did I have a sister?” “Why do you ask?” “Sometimes, when I dream, I dream of Aunt Meryl, and she’s holding a baby girl.” “Oh, baby. I was pregnant about two years before I had you. I was in the car accident with Aunt Meryl, and I lost the baby eight weeks later. I never knew if I was going to have a son or daughter.” “Oh. It was a girl, and she’s beautiful mom.” “You’ve seen her?” “Yes. She has curly blond hair and blue eyes. Everything else is hazy.” “Oh, baby. By the way, what is the opportunity that you got after the end of year performances?” “Are you and Dad sitting down?” “Yes.” “Ok. I was asked to play an afternoon concert at Carnegie Hall in the fall; the summer season is booked already.” “Really?! That is fabulous news Lo!” “Thanks. I’m so nervous though! I will be starting to decide what I’m going to play; I will be meeting with the music director, and we will be going over everything.” “When is the concert, sweetie?” “Dad’s birthday.” “We’ll be there. I’ve never spent my birthday in New York; I’m looking forward to it.” “Can you guys stay for a few days? I would love to show you some of my favorite places while you are here.” “Sure. We’ll call Uncle Maks, and see if he is able to come.” “Okay. I have to run; I have a few errands to run, and then I have to go to work.” “Bye, baby, we love you.” “I love you too. See you in October!”

“Charlie?” “Yes, dear?” “You need to show Cheryl and Paul the DVD, as well as putting it up on the Foundation’s website. It is a great way to remember Meryl in a different way.” “Ok, I will. I’ll call them next.” He called, and the Davis’ came over about an hour later. They all cried when they watched the DVD. Cheryl asked for a copy, and both agreed that it needs to go on the website. Cheryl and Paul were getting ready to leave when, as if it was coming from miles away, the faint strains of “From Where You Are” could be heard. Then, the rain came down, as a rainbow appeared. Meryl was there, just as she always had been, and just as she always would be.


End file.
